Monday December 29, 2003
Ahhh.. I just need to stretch out here for a second… unnnghhh… okay there we go.
My holidays weren’t as busy as my lack of blogging may imply. Nevertheless, they were good. Here’s a brief list of my booty:
1. Money for my trip to Hong Kong
2. Flight Simulator 2004
3. The Simpsons Hit & Run (video game)
4. Fingerpicks for my banjo
5. Boxer shorts, socks
6. Huge-ass tub of popcorn my Grandma always gets me
7. A fuckin’ pound and a half of beef jerky from John… real shit from Michigan
8. Things I forgot about
Yes, I spent the latter half of Christmas Day, and most of the next day playing Flight Simulator and the Simpsons game. Unfortunately, you need a $50,000 PC to run FS2004 well. I spent more time trying to speed up my system than I did playing the game. The Simpsons game was crashing all the time, too. I actually played the Simpsons game more, because it’s one of those addictive, “gotta get to the next level” games. I usually finish those in a matter of 3 days and then never play them again. If it hadn’t kept crashing and forcing me to replay the same missions over and over, I probably would have beat it.
Speaking of beef jerky, how about that USDA shit? Full of Mad Cow? You betcha. This article talks about the shadyness that’s going on right under our noses. I won’t stop eating my jerky, coz it’s been ‘jerkified’ and will magically not contain Mad Cow, but if I were you, I’d avoid beef for a while. The thing is, it’s not the slaughterhouses that are all that shady. It’s the freakin’ USDA. They’re bigger sellouts than Mr. T! To quoth some guy: “It was almost like they didn’t want to find mad cow disease.” Gee, ya think? It doesn’t take a “rocket surgeon” (quote from my friend’s little sister) to figure out that if America freaks out about their beef, we may all collectively stand to lose a few pounds. And when Guinness arrives to award us the World’s Fattest Country awards, we’ll have to pass it on to Canada and accept the next best award: “Country with the Most Meat-filled Colons.” Really though, tell your friends… don’t trust the USDA on anything. Don’t tell people you dislike; maybe they’ll get Mad Cow and you can laugh at them. Even the Japanese are wise to the USDA’s shadyness: Japan refuses to discuss lifting beef ban. Good move. Wait until we’re all running in circles, eyes rolled back in our heads, spewing out pop lyrics, and then move in for the kill.
Amidst all these lame-ass “news stories”, I managed to find one that I actually gave one-tenth of a shit about: World’s Largest Snake Caught. Awesome. The best part is that it eats three to four DOGS a month. Who gets to keep it? I want it!!! I wanna feed it stray cats and all those mice in my house!
Ahhh.. I just need to stretch out here for a second… unnnghhh… okay there we go.
My holidays weren’t as busy as my lack of blogging may imply. Nevertheless, they were good. Here’s a brief list of my booty:
1. Money for my trip to Hong Kong
2. Flight Simulator 2004
3. The Simpsons Hit & Run (video game)
4. Fingerpicks for my banjo
5. Boxer shorts, socks
6. Huge-ass tub of popcorn my Grandma always gets me
7. A fuckin’ pound and a half of beef jerky from John… real shit from Michigan
8. Things I forgot about
Yes, I spent the latter half of Christmas Day, and most of the next day playing Flight Simulator and the Simpsons game. Unfortunately, you need a $50,000 PC to run FS2004 well. I spent more time trying to speed up my system than I did playing the game. The Simpsons game was crashing all the time, too. I actually played the Simpsons game more, because it’s one of those addictive, “gotta get to the next level” games. I usually finish those in a matter of 3 days and then never play them again. If it hadn’t kept crashing and forcing me to replay the same missions over and over, I probably would have beat it.
Speaking of beef jerky, how about that USDA shit? Full of Mad Cow? You betcha. This article talks about the shadyness that’s going on right under our noses. I won’t stop eating my jerky, coz it’s been ‘jerkified’ and will magically not contain Mad Cow, but if I were you, I’d avoid beef for a while. The thing is, it’s not the slaughterhouses that are all that shady. It’s the freakin’ USDA. They’re bigger sellouts than Mr. T! To quoth some guy: “It was almost like they didn’t want to find mad cow disease.” Gee, ya think? It doesn’t take a “rocket surgeon” (quote from my friend’s little sister) to figure out that if America freaks out about their beef, we may all collectively stand to lose a few pounds. And when Guinness arrives to award us the World’s Fattest Country awards, we’ll have to pass it on to Canada and accept the next best award: “Country with the Most Meat-filled Colons.” Really though, tell your friends… don’t trust the USDA on anything. Don’t tell people you dislike; maybe they’ll get Mad Cow and you can laugh at them. Even the Japanese are wise to the USDA’s shadyness: Japan refuses to discuss lifting beef ban. Good move. Wait until we’re all running in circles, eyes rolled back in our heads, spewing out pop lyrics, and then move in for the kill.
Amidst all these lame-ass “news stories”, I managed to find one that I actually gave one-tenth of a shit about: World’s Largest Snake Caught. Awesome. The best part is that it eats three to four DOGS a month. Who gets to keep it? I want it!!! I wanna feed it stray cats and all those mice in my house!














