The damn Flames lost last night, 4 to 2, against the Red Wings. It wasn’t such a bad game though, and the last 2 goals Detroit scored were pathetic anyway. That evens up the series, 2 and 2.

Yesterday I went out to lunch with my dad, and he took me to this hot dog place that used to be a really nice joint. Let me tell you, it has “lost its charm”. I could tell something was wrong right when we came in. The overhead lights were off, the place looked vacant and the kitchen looked alarmingly bare. After a quick scan for the menu, I realized that, indeed, the whiteboard on the wall, with the scribbled writing in only the upper left corner, was their attempt at making a menu. The service was slower than if you were to ask me to make a hot dog as slowly as humanly possible. The hot dog I had was actually reasonably edible, but that had nothing to do with who prepared it. (Formerly) Stan’s Hot Dogs, I salute you. You are a monumentally shady and inefficient establishment.

We all know what regular blogging is, but have you heard of Freeway Blogging? Really it’s just hanging up signs on bridges above freeways. How exactly hanging a sign constitutes “blogging” is beyond me, especially since it’s not like you’re leaving your daily journal on the signs. Though you could put up any message, such as “Eat a dick” or “I’m so broke, I can’t even PAY attention”, this site has a liberal, anti-war take on it. You won’t hear me whining about their messages. I’ve already thought of a few easy-to-access bridges with convenient fences above them, for affixing the sign to. Keep your eyes peeled for a giant sign that says “Vote Sharpton 2004″

I can give up searching my garage, because someone claims to have located Atlantis. Yes, that wonderful underwater city of riches, titties, and, more than likely, sweet-ass underwater cars of some kind, has finally been tracked down. It’s near Cyprus, in the eastern Mediterranean Sea. Man, I can’t wait to get my hands on one of those cars.

Here’s a shocker: Rodent droppings found in school cafeteria. Guess where else you can find them? In my kitchen, in the summer. Those little fuckers. Here’s the best part of the article: “Isn’t that what our tax dollars are supposed to be going for, to ensure it’s safe for our kids to be in school?” questioned parent Lisa Sullivan. Talk about naiive and sheltered as fuck. Hey! Remember us? The school district not 30 miles from where you are? We’re so god damned broke that our kids are probably already being served rat feces! You know Ms. Sullivan doesn’t vote, either. She just expects her taxes to make their way into protecting her child. Yes, Ms. Sullivan, it’s magic that makes the government work. In fact, your personal tax contributions are only used for things you care about, or services you use. The other citizens in the area are paying for medicare, street repairs, police, etc.

Alright, I got a little carried away. I just get a little worked up when uninformed PTA mothers get pissy over kids’ cafeteria conditions. Find a fucking cause, and quit your damn prattling.

Using this wonderful flash tool, you too can make your own version of Michael Jackson’s hideous beast face!

Here’s the car I created for Drag Racer v3, which is a pretty wicked flash game I recently found. You can totally customize your car (I also made a carnation pink Mazda Protege with monster truck tires) and then race it against all sorts of different rides. I guess you can play it online, but it costs money, and dammit, I’m cheap. Check it out! You can download it to your computer and work your way up through the tournaments and buy custom parts too.

While I was reading another news article, I spotted this headline: “Victim claims satanic musician drank his blood”… so of course I was intrigued. Here’s the story itself. After seeing a picture of the “musician” in question, I of course had to visit his band’s website. Gorgoroth is the band name, taken from a Tolken book that, like all of his other works, I have not read. I demand you visit this band’s site. They are the most undead, hardcore satanic metal dudes I’ve ever seen. I still haven’t listened to their music, but I’m sure it is incomprehensible. I’ll give it a listen later.

Moments ago I found out that I am officially being downsized from my current place of employment! I’d like to thank George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Bob Taft for their tireless dedication to fucking up Ohio and the United States as a whole. With Cleveland’s education system in shambles, the organization I work for has no choice to lay me off, as well as a slew of other employees. I mean, if Cleveland schools have to cut 1,200 employees, then how could they justify keeping their current level of funding and support of our organization? It’s just a matter of people looking out for themselves and their community.

This brings my total times downsized count to THREE. I’m sure it’s not a record, but for someone who’s 25, that’s not too bad.

If you know of any company or agency who’s in danger of going belly up, but is still hiring, better let them know I’m back on the market. That’s where I prefer to get in.

Not too much is going on here in Cle-town. There was plenty of rain yesterday for the first Smitty Tour outing. I played quite poorly, as was to be expected, because I hadn’t even swung a golf club prior to teeing off. However, I did have a couple pars and some really nice drives. The course was wet as hell, and by the end of 18 holes, my pants were wet from ankle to knee. Last night I caught an episode of the show ‘Wildboyz’ on MTV. If you haven’t seen it, try to see it somehow. There’s two main guys, and I think one or both of them are from the show ‘Jackass’. Anyway, they fuck with animals and do all sorts of insane things. One guy wrestled a bear (and by the end the bear was NOT playing), and the other guy pierced his cheek without anesthetic. Pretty gnarly.

www.johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com Ha! Now that’s a domain.

Someone is selling their fart in a jar on eBay. I wonder if he’s disappointed by the current bid of $3.05.

This one’s for Nick -> How not to write a metaphor. Some of these links I borrowed from CollegeHumor.com, which I often visit.

Saved the best for last: Escher’s “Relativity” made from LEGO! Amazing!!!

Here it is, my message to Kenny, after not having helped take out the trash for over 20 consecutive weeks. Congratualtions!

Made the Soup Nazi’s (from Seinfeld) recipe for Mexican Chicken Chili today. The Soup Nazi’s a real guy, ya know. Look him up, google.com, you’ll find something. Here’s the recipe I used. Whooo boy, you better believe it kicked ass.

Here’s what it looked like:

A curry beef dish we made a few weeks back. It was supposed to have lamb, but they were sold out.

Some fresh pierogis from the West Side Market.

Oh yeah! Catch the fever! Alright, so I don’t normally give half a shit about hockey, but lately John and I have been watching the Calgary Flames, coz for some reason he likes them. Well, I’m all for rooting for the underdog, so we watched them in the playoffs agains Vancouver. It went all seven games in that series, ending in overtime with a goal by Calgary! So, even though the Flames hardly made it into the playoffs, they’re now in the second round. Who’d they get matched up with? The Detroit Red Wings, who are in first place this year. So last night was game one of the series. We broke out the Coors 24oz’s, and I split a bottle of cheap cabernet with JoAnn. It was a decent game, though much of the first period was heart attack material for Calgary fans. After two defibrillator usages, we managed to get back up for the rest of the game. It went 1-1 into overtime, where Calgary landed a SWEET ASS goal to end the sudden death. The game was in Detroit, and many of the fans stood motionless with blank expressions on their faces… meanwhile I was wagging my ass back and forth in front of the TV, laughing in the faces of disappointed kids. Ahh sports. If Calgary takes this series, it’ll be amazing, but it COULD happen.

I read plenty of news and commentary today, but it’s Friday, and I’d rather have fun on Friday.

This is potentially the coolest Star Wars toy of all time. Someone made a wicked radical Star Destroyer, and is selling it on eBay.

Play 20 questions with a computer, and I bet it’ll win sometimes! You can think of any object or thing and it will attempt to guess what you’re thinking of. So far, I stumped it with: pitot tube, macramé, and pornography. It guessed correctly when I was thinking of a business card and a triceratops. Give it a shot! (It will ask for some demographic info first… no big whup.)

I wouldn’t call this fun, but how often do you read about a recent case of necrophilia? Not too often, I bet. Sick!

Finally, I’m sure none of my “blog audience” cares, but law enforcement officials are thinking of having special ID tags for plane spotters at Lodon’s Heathrow airport. This is actually a fantastic idea, even if you aren’t a plane spotter, or don’t travel by air. Why? Because in addition to making spotters easy to identify for police, they have a code of conduct that goes along with the card. The code includes reporting suspicious behavior and/or damage to any part of the facility, and picking up litter and trash around the airport. It’s not exactly a job, but more of a responsibility that goes along with the privelage. I actually wanted to suggest having ID’s for plane spotters in Cleveland, but the letter I sent got back for some odd reason. The theory in London is that it will make an impact on airport security, and dammit, I’m sure they’re right!

Oh… and get over to SomethingAwful.com (link to the left), because it’s Photoshop Phriday!

Last night when I got home from work, I was walking in from my car when I saw the empty trash can sitting in our lawn. It was trash day, obviously, and approximately the 22nd week in a row that Kenny has not helped take out the trash. Not only does he not help take out the trash, but he walks right by the trash can sitting in the lawn and right up to his room. So, on most of the 22 trash days, I’ve picked up the can, even after helping take it out. I decided that some sort of action should be taken. I took 3 bricks, put them in the bottom of the trashcan, and placed it on the roof of Kenny’s car. Only about 45 minutes later, he left to go to his parents house for dinner. He actually put it back where it belongs, and I think he knew why it was there!! Don’t worry - there’s a picture of it on his roof, and I’ll post it when I get home.

Lately I’ve been feeling more and more George Carlin-esque, in that I truly believe this country is already completely doomed. Sure there’s a lot of hopefuly people, optimistic people, and there’s a growing movement to halt the current administration in its tracks. As much as I want to hope along with them, after reading the news and seeing poll results day after day, the truth is strikingly clear: nobody gives a shit. Well over 40% of the public doesn’t vote in elections, and of those that do, how many conservative seniors on their powered wheelchairs roll out of their nursing homes and out-vote the young folks? I wish I knew an exact number, but the effect of those elderly voters can be seen even on a local level. All this ‘Rock the Vote’ shit isn’t working either. I hope I have to eat my words come November, but I don’t think this election will be any different. And who cares who wins? Unless we’re talking real change, like Nader, Sharpton or Kucinich, what’s the point? For too long we’ve been stuck with these two parties, riding the political see-saw, but never making any real progress. All we’ve done is add more laws. We’re doomed I tell you. The world doesn’t like us, most people I know that think outside the two party system want to move to Canada, and rightfully so.

Here’s some insight into the Christian political motives that I just can’t understand. Read this article!

Well that was easy. Unfortunately, nobody cares, nobody will read this, and they’ll completely get away with it. ‘The Pentagon Admits to Using Secret Funding for Iraq War’ … how much? Oh, just about $178 million. Nothin’ much. I don’t even need to point out all the other things this money could have been used for. I mean, how many of those kinds of pages are out there on the net?

Move over Osama, you’re just not chic anymore. That would have been MY headline for this article, which talks about the “Yello-Red Overseas Organization,” which is a new terrorist “cell” (like that?) that openly plans on attacking: South Korea, Japan, Thailand, the Philippines, Singapore, Australia, Kuwait and Pakistan. Quite a grocery list there! Though I don’t like to link to CNN that much, I thought this was funny: Bush says U.S hard to defend from terrorists. Ohhh, okay Bush, well then I forgive your pathetic foreign policy, worthless war, and the fact you ignored the threat of Al Qaeda. SIKE!