I’m lame, soooo lame, and so I’ll give you this:

Yes, I drew it. No, I’m not proud.

Not a whole lot going on. I have a sore throat from drinking and smoking too much at the cookout, I bought the game Hitman: Contracts yesterday and I’ll probably be addicted to it for about 5 days, and also I got my last Hepatitis vaccination yesterday.

If you eat White Castle, every bodily fluid or gas and every pore of your body will smell of onions. Take it from me. No, I don’t count White Castle as fast food. Why? I classify it as “American Classic Food”, which is exempt from fast food status. It’s far too delicious to give up permanently.

Finally, try this game: Petals Around the Rose. If you’ve seen it, or know the solution to it, don’t tell people. I’ll be honest, I’m not going to try to deceive people, it took me about an hour to realize how it works. I played with it once for like 15 minutes, and then for another 45 today, then I finally solved it. They say “the smarter you are, the harder it is.” If and when you figure it out, you will hate yourself for a brief period of time. This is normal. Then, you get to trick someone else, hopefully in person, and watch them struggle. I’m still waiting for this opportunity, but I have Yahtzee at home, and therefore, five dice.

You Can’t Do That On Television

Last night when I came home from work, my channel surfing rewarded me with a vintage episode of You Can’t Do That On Television. The theme song and opening sequence sent my mind reeling. Everything was so familiar, yet it had been lost deep inside my brain somewhere. Apparently, you can vote for your favorite show online, and one of the “Old School” choices was YCDTOTV. It was truly amazing. I saw Alanis, pictured above, and Ross/Barth/Teacher/Arcade Guy/Every Adult Male, plus the Mom, Valerie. Les Lye played every adult male on that show, and while they were somewhat similar, I think it was pretty impressive. Here’s an interview some fan site did of him. Also, a few more links:
YCDTOTV.com - The same site that did the interview. Lots of stuff.
Episode listing - plus other crap.
BarthsBurgery.com - Full Episodes to download! They’re in .wmv format, so they probably suck.. I dunno.

Now THIS is pretty funny. It appears that the Saddam trial is lacking evidence! The Bush cartel couldn’t find any WMD or ties to al Qaeda, and now they can’t even catch him being a corrupt, shitty leader. Jeez, might as well just put him back in power and admit defeat, eh Bush? At least he knows how to cover his tracks, unlike you, you filthy slimeball.

In another frustrated attempt to silence dissent, Condoleezza Rice says Al Jazeera is ‘inaccurate’. Oh really? I visit their website every day, and I haven’t seen anything inaccurate. I HAVE seen some articles that must be unfortunate for you and your bastard administration, however. Awww. Well, I’m sure now that you’ve said that, the entire Middle East will start watching and believing FOX News, like you want them to. HA!

Reagan’s son says his father “crapped bigger ones than Bush.” He was actually paraphrasing a comment made by Jack Palance, but it’s nice to hear accurate statements. Keep in mind that I know mice who’ve crapped bigger ones than Reagan, just for perspective. You can quote me on that.

Bush is grooming his potential future FTC chair, and she’s a real winner. By “winner”, I mean a corrupt witch with big oil and large media in her bed. Deborah Majoras is her name, and mega-media mergers are her game.

*TV announcer voice* If you hate the Patriot Act, and I know you do, you’re not alone. Every day, more and more cities are saying “NO!” to the Patriot Act. You can too, by checking out THIS website, for The Bill of Rights Defense Committee. Here’s the skimmy: there are some cities who are refusing to uphold the Patriot Act, and some will even prevent federal agents from violating the rights of their citizens. Lots of cities at least have a movement that you can look into.

I’m a little bit pissed ABOOT this: the proposed Cleveland to Canda ferry would be pretty pricey, not to mention LONG. For the small price of $105, one person and their car can travel for 4 hours across Lake Erie to Port Stanley, Ontario. Here’s what I propose, Mr. Port Authority, so take note… 2 hour ferry ride, possibly using jet power (like in Hong Kong!), and around $30 for a car with one person. Otherwise, why the fuck would I bother extending my trip to Toronto by several hours and paying extra as well??

In case you didn’t hear, Venus passed in front of the sun recently. Transits of Venus happen in pairs eight years apart. The next one will be June 6, 2012, but after that there will be a wait of more than a century until Dec. 11, 2117. - From this article.

It seems the world slowed down now that the Flames lost the Stanley Cup. They had no momentum in the first two periods of Game 7, and their brief rally in the third period yielded only one goal - though it was a hell of a rally. What a run though… nobody expected them to even make the playoffs, let alone beat out 3 great teams to make it to the Stanley Cup series. It sure was fun, boys.

So you can guess what I did last night. Watched the Flames. I cried, too, a little. I punched the wall, set off fireworks aimed at cats, drove a semi into a CVS, and blew up a propane tanker outside the police department. Alright, alright, so I didn’t even have a beer… let alone do anything crazy. Wheeeeeeee.

Some people recently caused a fuss though, like the guy who assaulted a woman with a Chalupa. No, you didn’t read wrong.

With the Adkins diet sweeping the nation, and clogging our arteries, diets are on everyone’s minds. So what about those ultra-Christian fatties who need to shed a couple bodies worth of weight? Where can they turn when the sheer cheese intake required by the Atkins sends them reeling? Well of course, they ask What Would Jesus Eat? Well he sure as fuck wouldn’t go to McDonald’s, you fat fuckers!!! AHHHHHH!!!!

*runs away screaming*

If you didn’t hear about the guy who transformed a bulldozer into a KILLDOZER, then get over to this site right now! Click on the images. Watch the videos. What fantastic work he did!

I’m not sure why people get paid to housesit… last night I watched the Stanley Cup (by the way GO FLAMES!!!) and had a few beers, relaxing in the air conditioning. I had free reign over their food stash, clean sheets on the TEMPUR-PEDIC bed, cable tv, dvd’s, etc. Ridiculous! Anyway, I got paid.

So yeah, the Flames fucking rule! Last night in overtime, Saprykin smacked one in to bring the series to 3-2, advantage: Flames. See, in a seven game series, particularly one that’s tied 2-2, game 5 is the most important. Well, eat a fuckin’ bag, Tampa Bay, because the Flames is ’bout to eat yo’ asses fo’ breakfast! Actually, it’d be much closer to dinner time, but it’ll be one of those “breakfast dinners”. Exactly HOW they kicked Tampa’s asses.

Ben! You’re alive! Somehow, Benny found time to update his blog. I’m astonished! Welcome back to the internet, Ben. Glad to have ya.

Also alarming, 80% of Canadians dislike Bush. Wait, that’s not alarming at all. I’ll tell you what, 100% of me dislikes Bush. How’s that for a poll, mofo? 100% of the world’s Popes also dislike Bush. Yeah GW, God talks to you. He says “shut the fuck up!”

How appropriate!

Finally, I made it into SomethingAwful.com’s Photoshop Phriday for the first time: This link takes you to page 5, just so you can see mine (at the bottom). Not bad! (My OTHER internet identity is KlenkyWah, for those of you that don’t know)

Today and tomorrow I’m house-sitting for, well, really it’s for THIS dog, Bitsy. She’s a charming lil corgi who’s really fast and makes cool action growl noises when she plays with her ball. I’m not saying there’s a legitimate excuse for not updating my blog much, but hey, at least I put up stupid pictures of dogs, right?

The news is pretty boring right now. I guess that means our lives are all boring, too, right? Here’s one story that makes up for it all:

Man hangs himself after he’s caught having sex with hen

That’s the stuff dreams are made of.

On Saturday, I watched Katy & Bob’s farm, and got to hang with the chickens and goats.

Flying goat action! I waited around for a good while before Eliza finally took flight. She loves jumpin’ around for some reason, and I was there just at the right time.

Well, I may not post anything else today, because I got some good news! I’m going to go celebrate right now, because I just found out I get to keep my job at PEP! This is totally sweet. I can’t really run around the office bragging, but I’ve told a select few people already, and I’m really stoked. Right now I’m going to meet John at the Rush Inn, and I’m gonna get a burger dammit!! I’m out!