Good afternoon, lads and lasses. Well, my car is supposedly going to be fixed today, and it’s not as bad as I thought. Apparently the clutch plate cracked and the slave cylinder for the clutch’s hydraulic system broke as well. This caused all the hydraulic fluid to leak out of my clutch line, and made for a very loose, ineffective clutch pedal. So all in all, my clutch is still okay, it just needed some patching.

Certainly the most offensive news of the day comes from Falljuah, again. There are reports that US troops have been using chemical weapons on insurgents and civilians there, and because of the terrible situation the hospitals are enduring there, you can only imagine how bad the effects are. Once again, according to Baghdad Burning, the reports that are actually making their way over to us regarding Fallujah aren’t even scratching the surface on just how bad it is. The whole town is in ruins and doctors don’t know what to do with patients suffering from ’strange illnesses’. Adding to my disgust are reports of wounded people being run over by tanks or shot while waving white flags. It seems to be an all-out slaughter. What the hell can we do about this? There is no worse feeling than just sitting back and watching it unfold, but even protests would likely fall on deaf ears. All I know for sure is that we should be ashamed of ourselves. The commander-in-chief, and all the generals and officers up the chain of command should be considering pulling out, and not considering it a ‘defeat’ in any sense. Part of the problem is that it all seems so distant to the average American citizen. Our whole lives we’ve been hearing stories of far-off conflicts that we don’t bother understanding or even trying to voice our concerns to anyone. This is a trend I would like to see fizzle out… and what better time than now to fess up to our grand mistake in Iraq?

As Bush visits Canada today (for the first time ever), an Ottowa protester does a good job of mocking him and his policies.

One person who is willing to admit his mistakes is Butch Davis, former head coach of the Browns. That’s right, Davis stepped down as head coach today, although ESPN is reporting he was fired. I’m going with the termination theory, myself, despite the fact that I blame the offensive line for a great deal of our shortcomings this season, not Butch. Still, there is evidence that he was almost sabotaging our team, though I’m not certain exactly how people came to that conclusion. Either way, we’re in last place in our division, and I’m up for change in any form.

A young Seattle man was, get this, heating his lava lamp on the stove when it exploded and killed him! A piece of the glass pierced his heart. Man, what a way to go.

Here’s a guy’s site all about his hobby of balancing rocks on top of one another. He seems to have quite a knack for it, I can tell you that much!

One of the greatest pranks in college history just took place, after Yale students ensured that the Harvard Pep Squad held up sheets of paper to spell out “We Suck” instead of “Go Harvard”! There’s a video, but the picture does it justice. Friggin’ hilarious! (Though if I had to choose sides in this old rivalry, I’d pick Harvard.)

“You have to see this as something that they’re doing to repay the nuns, something that they’re proud of.”

This blows me away. I thought the major American crapitalists had already perfected ‘dehumanization though hypermarketing’, but those unceasing dickbrains at Ben & Jerry’s have have really outdone themselves.

Ladies & gentlemen, presenting: Homeless Human Billboards.

Holy earth-shattering fuck. I just found a website that sells dolls that look like they have down syndrome. It’s all over people.

Thanksgiving is coming, people. I’m going to stretch my stomach out in preparation for the inevitable gorging. It was brought to our attention yesterday afternoon that this week is only a 2 day work week for us, so this will be the last bit of blogging I do this week, unless I happen to find something wicked awesome while at home. I hope all y’all have a bitchin’ Thanksgiving.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, please make sure you eat all the food you can handle. A study at the University of Arizona says we waste nearly half of the food we have available to us! See, this is why the distribution of wealth is a huge deal. I’m not saying that all wasted food comes from the über-wealthy, but the fact remains that we do have people starving in this country. Obviously there is some kind of disconnect when half of our food ends up in a landfill and there’s still people going hungry. So, this Thanksgiving, either eat every bit of that 66 lb. turkey you bought, or find some homeless person and pass it along.

Next Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised when a covert ops team comes crashing through your windows looking for anthrax in your green bean casserole. The Patriot Act II (the revenge) pretty much gives the government unlimited control over us, falling just short of granting them the right to anally rape us without consequence. Now, this site has yet to convince me of their factual accuracy, so it should be taken with a grain of salt. However, I don’t find it hard to believe that the 2nd Patriot Act will encroach further upon our Constitutional rights.

Iran has said they’ve halted enriching uranium, much to Bush’s dismay. GW was quoted as saying “Waaah! [sic] I wanted to move my tanks there tomorrow! [sounds of crying] Daddy said I could keep playing war!!!” After the press recovered from the shock of witnessing the leader of the free world throwing a tantrum, flopping on the ground, and stamping his feet, more questions were answered. Iran claims the pause is only temporary, and that they’re not trying to make weapons; they just want to produce nuclear power. Well, I say we send in weapons inspectors, give them 20 minutes on a Segway scooter to look around, and then continue our conquest of the Middle East under the guise of “spreading democracy.” (Actually, I say we back out of Iraq completely, and leave the two of them alone.)

I’ll tell you what, we must be doing something right in this country, because kids growing up these days are just so responsible and well-behaved. A 13-year-old boy hired a stripper he claimed was for his older brother, and when she tried to leave, pointed a shotgun at her and demanded that she dance. Fortunately, she managed to escape after a brief struggle. Yeah, we’re really bringing ‘em up right these days. Oh, that reminds me, have you heard of the new JFK Assassination game?

Whew… you finally made it to the good news portion of today’s blog entry. Butch Davis is likely to be fired if the Browns don’t beat the Bengals this Sunday! Wheeee! Never mind the fact we need a whole new offensive line, this is good news. Even if an oragutan were coaching us, I can’t imagine we could actually be worse off. Not to mention, this scandalous situation might actually make Sunday’s game enjoyable.

My weekened ended up being a lot more busy than I thought. Friday night we had a little jam session at the practice spot, which revealed that we desperately need to practice as a foursome again. Our drummer should return from his vacation soon. Saturday was the annual Leaf-raking Party at my Grandmother’s house. Sounds ridiculous, eh? She has a tremendous yard, and now two of my cousins live in nearby houses, so we also rake their yards. After we finish, we begin the plowing of beer and consumption of obscene amounts of food. On Saturday night I saw Ekoostik Hookah at the new House of Blues. The Neville Brothers opened for them, and the sound was fantastic. I was surprised to find myself grooving along with the Nevilles on a number of occasions, but they lost me on those sappy, 80’s throwback, emotion-fests that seem like they belong on a smoth jazz station. Hookah was very tight, though I still maintain that they’ve never been as solid as they were with their original singer. Perhaps I’m just an old wuss, but I felt I needed some meth, E, or some kind of hard drug just to stay awake and on my feet for that long. I guess the 9-to-5 schedule just takes over your life at some point. Regardless, we dragged our lifeless bodies all the way across the Lorain-Carnegie bridge at 2 in the morning, after realizing the RTA Rapid didn’t run that late. That was the first time I’ve ever crossed that mammoth bridge on foot.

In a bold, unexpected move, Bush has said he’s committed to a strong US Dollar! Wow, so all this time he spent creating record budget and trade defecits wasn’t yielding the desired result? He wasn’t trying to collapse the world’s economy? Oh boy, that’s good news. And now that he’s made his stance clear to us, that’s really all he needs to do. From this point on, everything will fall into place. Let me just say I’m terrifically relieved that instead of coming out against the US Dollar, he surprised us all by supporting it. We really don’t need all those dollar-haters out there, slandering the dollar’s good name and trying to make it a worthless currency. (BBC, shame on you for allowing such a glossed-over, pointless and irrelevant article to be drafted.)

If you really believe in Creationism, you believe things like: the Grand Canyon was created by the flood that carried Noah’s Ark. If that’s the case, I imagine you’ll find a host of contradictory information whilst visiting a National Park. So, what to do, in order to accomodate and continue to shelter these “scientifically illiterate” folks? Allow creationist materials to be sold in National Park shops, or create parks that offer up only creationist-based information. Here’s what really scares me, after reading that the Bush administration supports such efforts… what is preventing the GW Cartel from applying creationist theories to serious modern environmental issues? If they think the Grand Canyon is only 4,500 years old, just imagine how skewed their perspective is regarding the human impact on the Earth! Oh, the article also features a description of a dinosaur park in Florida that claims man co-existed with dinosaurs!

Two teenagers in Michigan invented a new reason to have anonymous, free abortion clinics: they tried to abort their child by hitting the mother in the stomach with a baseball bat. Every other day for 3 weeks, the boy clocked her right in the fetus, eventually causing a miscarriage. If America is churning out defects like these two, we have to admit to ourselves that our sexual education tactics are failing and abortion needs to be legal. This is not a case of rape, incest, abuse or anything similar… it’s just plain stupidity, and we’re foolhardy if we think we can completely avoid it.

This thing looks really fun, and I want one for the winter.

What to do with that ugly ass utility box on your street? How about painting a cool mural on it?

This time I saved the worst for last. The Browns lost inexcusably to the Jets yesterday, 10-7. Our defense played pretty strong, but neither offense was moving the ball much. Phil Dawson broke his streak of 28 successful field goals by missing not once, but twice. Dudes were gettin’ hurt, and to make it even more painful, we somehow let them walk all over us in only the last few minutes of the game. All we needed was a fucking field goal to tie it, but no. Absolutely pathetic, gentlemen. I did see some good 5 yard runs out there, however.

Okay, these are the coolest fake teeth ever, and I might have to buy a set.

And for my little brother… I’ve finally found a product that can help you: The Flatulence Filter.

So, according to Colin Powell, Iran is pursuing nuclear missiles. I seem to recall claims that a certian other neighboring country supposedly had nuclear weapons, too. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but this seems to be a preparatory statement, aimed at getting us motivated for our next impossible conquest. Moreover, what’s the deal with our nuclear policies? For example, Russia is developing nuclear missiles that they claim will be more advanced than anything we have. I understand Iran is more of a possible threat to us than Russia, but why is it that we don’t mind having certain countries posess nuclear weapons, and others are painted as an immediate danger? To phrase it more accurately, why is America the one who seemingly decides who can have them and who cannot, when we ourselves have them? The simple fact that we appear to be “above the law” when it comes to having them naturally means that every country would want to protect themselves in the very same manner. So what if Iran is developing them? Can you blame them? Everyone’s saying they’re on our shit-list, and yet we’re allowed to nuke people and they’re not. It’s like saying “Hey, let’s fight, but you get this hammer and I get an Uzi.” So let’s not pretend to be surprised by the fact other countries want to develop them.

John Titor… John Titor… man, his predictions sure seem to be panning out quickly! A new case of Mad Cow disease has surfaced, in the United States, although the test is inconclusive at this point. Not to mention, that last paragraph included the story of Russia pumping up their nuclear arms, which was a major element of what he predicted. Crazy. Once again, I don’t want to believe this country is doomed and half the world’s population is going to die, but yet I can’t help but notice that his claims seem to be pretty accurate so far.

Oh, also, the dollar is falling rapidly, and doesn’t show any sign of recovery.

Here’s an interesting editorial that talks about just how much support we should really give to our troops. Of course we want them to be safe and all that, but when you encounter someone who practically gets off on killing people, how do we react to that? Common sense tells us there’s a sickness involved, and that “normal folks” wouldn’t enjoy it at all.

Bush is kissing Condi! Bush is kissing Condi!

Yes, I’ve heard about the Cleveland newscaster who went to the Spencer Tunick nude photo shoot and also posed for his pictures. No, I don’t give a flying fuck. If I want nude pictures of hot women, I know where to find them, thank you.

It appears we’re done butchering the citizens of Fallujah, and that we’re moving on to Mosul. There’s a video circulating that features a marine who, upon finding a wounded Iraqi man, shoots him in the head and says “He’s dead now.” Needless to say, we should all be ashamed of this man. Al Jazeera aired the video, and understandably there was great disgust and outrage. Baghdad Burning in particular has a lot to say about it. As I was listening to WRUW yesterday, the host said something that stuck in my mind, though I’d considered it before… the US military is so desperate for results in Iraq, they’ll do just about anything - including decimating a city. Knowing that ‘results’ are the motivating factor in these instances of mass murder multiplies my disgust exponentially. What is there we can do to prevent this from continuing? I hate to say it, but it sure seems like nobody really cares over here. And if you do care, so few people will understand the source of your concern that any attempt at protest or petition would fizzle out before it could begin. It’s almost as though the re-election of Bush marked the day xenophobia became an acceptable foundation for our foreign policy. I don’t care if it’s out of fear or not, our government is now knowingly violating the Geneva Conventions and is essentially comitting genocide. Ignorance and fear have taken over, and any peaceful intentions we may have had are now buried alive.

There are now laws that we are unable to know of, but are expected to comply with… secret laws. Skirting around normal legislative processes, this article summarizes some examples of how these laws can be applied to people without being explained. This could be a fountain of conspiracy, but I wouldn’t put it past this administration, especially given the Patriot Act and its all-encompassing authority. If this isn’t violating the Constitution and Bill of Rights, what is?!

Sears and Kmart have merged. Their stores will remain seperate, but geez is that ever a major conglomeration! Some are saying they could now begin to take on Wal-Mart. Best of luck.

For some reason, pictures of Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s leader, are being removed all over North Korea. There are rumors that his health is failing, and that some sort of coup has taken place or will be taking place soon. Hmm.

NASA got their X-43 up to Mach 9.8! Balls out.

Peta, give it a rest already. The animal rights activist group has begun a campaign called the “Fish Empathy Project”, proposing that fish have feelings too. Viewpoints are staggered all over the place, but personally I believe fish cannot really feel pain. They are extremely sensitive creatures in other ways, like vision and pressure for example, but in a nation that already eats an incredible amount of cows, why would you ever think a campaign like this could have any effect whatsoever?

Scientists are studying brain scans of Buddhist monks to understand the different ways in which their brains operate. Some monks exhibited activity that has never been seen before, and others just clearly illustrated the difference between a monk and a layperson. Very interesting. I’m not gonna get all preachy, just read the article.

Wilco just got even cooler after an interview where they expressed their support for free music sharing over the Internet. Jeff Tweedy said such right-on things as: “The Internet is like radio for us” and “I don’t believe every download is a lost sale.” A-men, dawg.

More loose animals? This time it’s a kangaroo and goat combo, loose in suburban Florida! People, people, people… keep a fuckin’ leash on these things! (Oh, the kangaroo did have a collar on..)

This one goes out to NDR, since he’s a bookstore owner. Ever wonder what it would look like if a library arranged its books by color? Really damn cool! I bet that took way too long.

The Virgin Mary made her appearance on the side of a grilled cheese sandwich, and eBay buyers desperately tried to purchase it. Unfortunately, at $22,000 it wouldn’t quite be worth devouring. (Thank you eBay for pulling the item.) What is it with everyone looking for Jesus and Mary in everything they see? What would that even symbolize if it were an image of the Virgin herself? Why would Jesus or Mary decide to inscribe themselves on ANYTHING, let alone a grilled cheese sandwich? And finally, why do so many people want that item? I can’t even imagine a logical response to any of these questions… really.

One thing that’s undeniably logical is the newest, hippest form of rage: leaf rage. A 67-year old Connecticut man pioneered this style of aggression after witnessing the city workers pass up his house. Because the journalist who scribbled out this article can’t use a normal term like “property” (he called it his “right of way”), I’m uncertain as to whether or not the leaves were on the homeowner’s lawn or the treelawn. Either way, they needed to be in the street in order for the city to pick them up. As always, the deep philisophical insight of a police officer summarizes the rationale behind the outlash with one brief statement: “People get very emotional about leaves.” Yeah man, yeah they do.