I don’t have much to write about today, so here’s the aftermath of what I’m sure was one hell of an argument.

Is the US screwing around with this crazy Ukranian election? Nobody told me about this, and last I checked, these kinds of decisions have to pass under my scrutiny before being put into action. Considering Bush’s policy of utter ass-kissing when it comes to Putin, I wouldn’t put it past him or his cronies. Did Bush personally poison Yushchenko? Well, I wouldn’t put that past him either. You can see I hold him in the highest regard, and have the utmost faith in his good natured ways.

More and more info is being released about Guantanamo & Abu Ghraib regarding the exciting new methods of torture they’ve discovered down there. Some sources claim that an executive order (that means it came from the head chimp himself) was drafted to allow sleep deprivation, the use of military dogs, and other sadistic methods of extracting information. You know what though? Nobody gives a shit about this. I can already hear the rednecks and FOX News lovers saying “they’re terrorists! are we supposed to treat them well?!” and frankly, nothing can be said to snap them out of the reality they’ve built for themselves, especially when you know damn well you’d hear the same words come out of our president’s mouth, if anyone ever got the opportunity to put such a query on the table. These are the same people, politicians and average citizens, who wouldn’t shut up about Saddam’s torture rooms yet fail to assemble any comparisons between the two scenarios. Simply because we operate under the guise of democracy, we are granted immunity from international law? I think not. We allow other governmental types to exist, including numerous dictatorships and monarchies, without interference… so that method of justification for our coup d’etat in Iraq just doesn’t work. If we stopped calling the kettle black by giving up our torture policies, then perhaps we could at least build the illusion that we were morally superior. As for right now, what makes Bush, Cheney or Rumsfeld any different from Saddam? Select dissidents and criminals are treated the same way Saddam treated them in Iraq.

How about a 1986 interview with Frank Zappa talking about censorship? I thought you might like that. Yeah… you like that, don’t you…

So there’s this guy who thinks we should change the calendar around so that each year, every numerical date will be on the same day of the week. So, if you were born on a Friday, your birthday would always be on Friday. He claims it would save people a lot of time. Hm. Yeah, I could see how it would be beneficial in some situations. That makes me want to look up how we got stuck with this piece of shit calendar we have now.

SomethingAwful’s Awful Link of the Day today is a guy who has a LiveJournal devoted to his plans to kill himself on January 13th. He wants someone to show that they care, and has conditions for doing so, but now a lot of folks are leaving comments that basically egg him on. Pretty sick!

Y’all will be happy to hear the jazz gig went off without a hitch. In fact, everyone really liked us, and we even got a few people singing and dancing along. After the dollar signs ceased flashing in our eyes, we discussed the possibility of doing such a show again. I think we just might.

On Saturday I went to the Toledo gift exchange for my stepmom’s side of the family. I don’t know if it was the theme (books and games) or what, but nearly every gift I saw sucked. I got a book by John Grisham, an author I never intended to explore, and a $25 Giant Eagle gift card. At least I can get hammered for free, or maybe I’ll get a big brisket or something. How about anyone reading this leaves a comment as to what I should blow $25 on at the supermarket.

Alrighty… we’re starting to see some serious Rumsfeld criticism now. Now he’s getting flak over not personally signing the letters of condolence to families of those killed in battle. At first even I, an avid Rummy defamer, was thinking “hey, the guy has got to be a busy man.” Yet on second thought, we’ve lost somewhere around 1000 to 1500 troops thus far, and I don’t see why he couldn’t have handled that. Oh.. my fault.. it’s because he’s a jerk. That’s right.

Some very surprising survey results were released today by Cornell University. It seems that according to their survey, almost half of those surveyed feel that Muslims in America should have restricted civil liberties. Thought they claim a margin of error of only 3.6 percent, only 715 people were surveyed, so I don’t see where they got that. And mind-blowingly enough, Republicans were more likely to say so. Here’s the creepier parts:

• 27 percent of respondents said all Muslim Americans should be required to register their location with the federal government.
• 26 percent said mosques should be closely monitored by U.S. law enforcement agencies.
• 29 percent agreed undercover law enforcement agents should infiltrate Muslim civic and volunteer organizations to keep tabs on their activities and fund raising.
• 22 percent said the federal government should profile citizens as potential threats based on the fact they are Muslim or have Middle Eastern heritage.

Baghdad Burning has a Christmas list… if only I could ship running water.

According to an AARP survey, 72 percent of seniors support the legalization of medical marijuana. Well then, how did we get stuck with Supreme Court judges who all seem to be part of the remaining 28 percent?! Regardless, statistics like these can only serve to help the initiative.

The next time someone correlates Christmas to shopping and you find yourself pissed off, kindly remind them that the Pope has condemned materialism in the name of Christmas. I always thought the Pope was an out of touch jerk, but it’s good to hear these truly humanitarian and spiritual words from him. I mean, I’m not Christian, but no matter what your religious beliefs are, you can’t possibly think Jesus intended for you to blow $1000 at Wal Mart.

A girl who began binge drinking at age 12 already needs a new liver at age 20. I said god damn.

For no reason other than the fact I somehow came across this, I present… people with broken umbrellas.

Our final story tonight is a touching one. If you live in the northern California/Oregon/Washington area, you may see a balloon drifting down from above with a tag attached. It’s from Cockeyed.com, and they’re trying to see how many get found and where they turn up! SCIENCE!!!

Ahhh Friday. Today we not only get out of work right after lunch, but we’re having a huge lunchtime feast! T minus 31 minutes.

Finally, more and more Republicans are calling for Rumsfeld’s dismissal. While this article in itself may be a bit sensationalized, there is a distinct increase in the amount of criticism this arrogant jackass has been receiving. Seriously though, could he be a bigger asshole? A lot of this flak has to do with the now-famous comment: “You go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have.” No matter how indoctrinated of a neocon you are, you really have to be a red-hot son of a bitch to stand behind such a pompous remark. Can we please dump this moron now?

Apparently, the CIA has a secret building inside the walls of Guantanamo Bay prison. Footage of Dr. Moreau-style genetic modifications are sweeping the internet. Just kidding. But really, they must be up to some serious abuse in there, or at least that’s the consensus. It sure sounds fishy.

NDR, I regret to inform you that we probably have Hepatitis A. It’s been found in the Cuyahoga River, between Akron and Cleveland. Considering you and I have traversed every yard of its brown waters, this is not good news. I love how they say “Federal officials say the health risk is limited because few people swim in the river,” … so… how is that a limited health risk? Then they blame that fact on the famous story of the Cuyahoga catching on fire. Listen people… it was a kerosene-soaked log that fell into the water. The river itself was not burning! (Not that I’m saying it’s anywhere near clean!!)

Talk about pollution… how about a fucking deep-fried Mars bar! The trend that started back in 1995 is now sweeping across Scotland. Sounds and LOOKS disgusting to me.

Needlepoint Lee Majors.

It was only a matter of time before the world’s oldest stoner, Santa Claus, was busted. Come on, if Santa does it… shouldn’t we rethink its illegal status?

This week’s Photoshop Phriday is just alright… not unlike the Doobie Brothers’ impression of Jesus. It’s entitled “Low-fi Sci-fi”.

Umm… honey? I think you, mmhm… might wanna flip that around.

Man, I have found virtually nothing for you people today! Try to extract as much enjoyment out of the above picture as possible, because this is going to be brief.

Last night I went down to (the dreaded) Terry’s (a horrible bar I’m sure I’ve ranted about before) for a few drinks. It was Stacy’s birthday, and me and John and JoAnn wanted to get her loaded, of course. Well, I only had a tall Labatt’s, and one Great Lakes Christmas Ale, but when I got home it took me all of 15 minutes to pass out… on the couch. So I wake up at 5am… I think that’s a new record… and I actually bothered to go back to sleep in my bed. As soon as I stood up, I realized I also had a record-setting migrane. Forgot the headache pills before I slept. Duh. I had my wallet, cigs & lighter, cell phone and some paper in my pockets, plus my watch, bracelet and necklace on.

Well, Osama Bin Laden’s latest recording debuted today, coming in at #1 on the charts. He raps about Saudi Arabia and how he was pleased with the attack on the American consulate there. He called for the removal of Saudi Arabia’s current leadership as well. That was about it though. I don’t see what all the fuss is about. It’s not like anyone thought he was killed or something.

Who’d have thought that turkey shit, of all things, could be a viable source of energy? Apparently England… because they already had some of these plants, which convert turkey dung into electricity. Now there’s one opening in Minnesota; the first ever in the US. SCIENCE!!!

Here’s some semi-interesting street art. Dig it.

How do you play Drunk Jenga? Just find someone who’s passed out, grab a bunch of whatever item you have in abundance, and start stacking! Then, make sure you take a picture.

Optical illusion ahoy!

Today could perhaps be my least pessimistic post of all time. I have only one article about the Iraq war to present, then on to relatively fun stuff!

Six troops have been court martialed for taking abandoned military vehicles in order to improve their convoy’s armor for a fuel delivery trip. Now come on, we all recognize they’ve only been court martialed for further illustrating the need for better armor in the wake of Rumsfeld’s first tough question. I needn’t rant more.

This might not be bad news, but it’s certainly stupid news. Cleveland’s City Commissioners are expected to purchase Whiskey Island for $6 million, despite widespread disgust for the idea. This has been quite a lengthy and pointless debate, but the current commissioners are aware that this is their last chance to pass the initiative because the newly-elected commissioners think it’s a ridiculous waste of money and resources. The commissioners meeting today promises to be a media circus, and my father will be in attendance, so if anything juicy takes place I’ll pass it on.

The world’s highest bridge was inaugurated today in southern France. The Millau bridge is truly one of man’s most bad-ass structures. Not only that, but it’s expected to dissolve one of the country’s most notorious traffic bottlenecks. Here’s the project page. HERE is one seriously awesome picture. Damn, I swear someone on the SomethingAwful message boards posted a panoramic picture of this thing not too long ago, but my search turned up nothing. I’ll post it if I can find it. This thing is incredible… you literally drive above the clouds on a regular basis!

Here’s a little something for nicodemia… aerial photos of San Francisco in ruins from back in 1906. Two hundred thousand people were homeless after an earthquake caused fires to ignite all over the city. If you’ve ever been to San Fran, these pictures are startling to see… the area that most of the pictures were taken is now as populated as one could imagine, but it looks like deforested land in these photos!

Yesterday, Cleveland was treated to a rather pretty snowstorm that once again showed that motorists had forgotten the driving skills they learned less than a year ago. I was confronted with several prime examples of this rage-inducing behavior, including: a couple of teenage boys driving a Baretta and spinning its tires constantly, never achieving a speed higher than 5 mph and trailing no less than 15 furious drivers behind them; and a Mercedes Benz S320, no doubt loaded with traction control and tires worth more than my entire car, hogging both lanes while traveling at no more than 10mph, angering me to the point of laying on my horn and running the red light they single-handedly caused me to hit. Every single year my friends and I say the same thing: “It’s like people forgot how to drive all of a sudden.” For a fast, offensive driver like myself, this time of year is infuriating. My patience for each driver lasts about 0.006 seconds, and reasonable progress is impeded at every turn. THEN the local news has the nerve to go and post an article like this one.

Yeah, I know I said I would be remaining optimistic today, but some things never change. That includes my intolerance for poor driving.

Some guy in Houston flew off the handle after receiving an inadequately heated steak and cheese sandwich at Subway. “It got pretty heated, where he threw a sandwich down at her and told her that he would kill her and blow up the building,” Houston police officer Jim Atkins said. Fuckin’ A! I’d like to give some advice to Subway employees everywhere: either heat those sandwiches all the way through or face these kinds of logical consequences. (Needless to say he was arrested.) Oh, and look at the shitty little graphic someone whipped up in the linked article. Pretty funny.

Is something like this even possible? Verizon has gotten approval from their partner Vodafone to make a bid to purchase Sprint! Together they’d have 65 million customers… and I’d be one of them. In a way it kinda pisses me off to hear this, because I left Sprint for Verizon with damn good reason. Still, the combination of their networks could only mean better coverage. Not to mention there’d probably be more phone options.. not that I’m in the market right now. So, to recap, Cingular and AT&T are now one, HP and Compaq are now one, Kmart and Sears are now one, and now these guys. I always knew that Mr. Show’s predictions of the all-encompassing corporation GloboChem would come true. “We make everything, so you don’t have to.”

Rob over at Cockeyed.com discovered something pretty nifty in his local drug stores… you can decipher the cost of a product to the retailer by decoding a series of 3 letters on the price tag. He’s now trying to decipher Walgreens’ code, and I tried to help him by sending him the link to the Internet Anagram Server. He needs your help!

I’m not sure the Browns could suck any more than they did yesterday. Nearly ever single play included some sort of disasterous error. On offense, if we ran the ball the offensive line failed to create a hole and the runner couldn’t get more than a yard or two. If we threw it, the pressure on our QB was so fierce that there was hardly ever time to get a play off. The final score was Bills 37, Browns 7. I’ve given up yelling at the screen in favor of long, drawn-out sighs and moans. It’s more cathartic.

Baghdad Burning has been updated, and man are things shitty in Iraq. Of course that doesn’t even begin to describe how bad it must be over there. She tells her tale of getting gas - what’s now become a 13+ hour process. Meanwhile, our gas prices are dropping … in fact, I saw gas for $1.56 at the BP by my house, and I’m sure that’s not the lowest in town. Now there are reports of bombings taking place inside the “Green Zone”, the supposed safe area of Baghdad. Something that Riverbend mentioned in her blog stuck out in my mind… “We’re also watching the election lists closely. Most people I’ve talked to aren’t going to go to elections. It’s simply too dangerous and there’s a sense that nothing is going to be achieved anyway.” I tried to imagine what the worst case scenario for the elections would be. Just think, a suicide bombing, a gang of militants… violence could come from so many sources that I’m sure I would also decide to stay home instead of voting.

Once again, Ralph Nader has made quite a list of valid questions for Bush, this time regarding the attacks on Iraqi mosques and what message that sends to the Iraqi people. He even makes the oh-so-valid suggestion that Bush put himself in their shoes. After 4 years of horrifyingly ignorant decisions and no responsibility for war crimes or mistakes of any kind, I regret to say I don’t think he’s capable of such thought. The thing is, Bush perpetuates the American disconnect from this quagmire. He appeals to the demographic who only wants to put the magnetic Support the Troops sticker on their car and occasionally swallow optimistic, falsified accounts of what’s going on over there. Not only that, he makes it seem like that’s all you need to do in order to be his “good little patriot”, and seals the deal with his fucking smug grin. If you don’t investigate the situation any further, you probably walk around thinking “yeah, we ARE liberating those people, and Bush is committed and unfaltering.” The sad thing is, here’s one president who is incapable of taking blame or even acknowledging his own mistakes, and in this case, those traits are proving to be extremely dangerous. I hope one day to turn on the TV and see GW facing a stiff sentence for all his various war crimes.

I haven’t been following a shred of this, but Bernard Kerik has decided not to accept the nomination for Homeland Security secretary. Why haven’t I taken an interest in this? Because whoever Bush picks is going to be a bullheaded imbecile that I won’t agree with on a single issue.

Proving once again that they’re the voice of the relgious right’s agenda, FOX News has begun pushing the idea that Christmas is “under siege” in America. I am so disgusted by the potential consequences of this kind of journalistic campaign that I can barely contain myself. Citing inadequately explained instances of supposed ‘discrimination’ against both Christians and the word Christmas, O’Reilly is (I’m sure) elated to take up this crusade. My my, the religious right sure is trying to play off this whole “neglected Christian” viewpoint. Is it just me or are you seeing the road to Hilter-esque fascism being paved beneath our feet? What better way to enrage a group that’s rarely discriminated against than to create a false fear that they’re being confronted for their beliefs? It’s easy to see how this could pan out into unwarranted protests, and in the future, extremism.

A girl was born without a face in Jacksonville, Florida. WOW. I don’t know if I’m glad they didn’t totally show her “face” in the pictures or not. I kinda want to see it. Poor girl.

Ohio’s E-Check might be on the way out, and according to NewsNet5’s survey, 95% want it gone. I don’t think the people taking the survey were thinking about what (if anything) should replace the E-Check if it went away. The Ohio EPA says that E-Check keeps 100,000 tons of vehicle pollutants out of the air each year. Think about that! I mean, yeah, there’s a lot of air up there to pollute, but man… they say that’s a 10% reduction! I voted to keep the E-Check, but I’m ashamed of the selfish Ohioans who probably just “don’t have the time” to take the test. Fuck that. I don’t want to sit on my motorcycle behind your stinkin’, environment-destroyin’ tailpipe.

It’s just been revealed that the tough question Rumsfeld faced regarding vehicle armor in Iraq was actually planted by a journalist. The right-wing reaction to this revelation is bound to be repulsive. Who gives a shit if it was planted? By now, you’ve probably heard the reaction from the troops after that question was asked. It was something that needed to be said, and quite possibly was the first tough question Rummy’s ever had to field! We should be ashamed that he’s never been put on the spot before, and proud that someone finally siezed the opportunity to do so. Anyone who now discredits the question forfeits the right to say they “Support the Troops”, and also shows they’re a slave to a host of liars and habitual bullshitters.

60 Minutes is reporting that 5,500 servicemen have deserted since the war started in Iraq. Some of the troops interviewed actually cite the Bush cartel’s deception as a reason for balking. I’m not sure what to think about that. On one hand I’m glad to know that these folks caught on to the manipulation and falsification that was going on, but on the other hand I wonder how many soliders know what they’re doing is both illegal and immoral and don’t mind one bit. You know, like those creepy guys in Fahrenheit 9/11, the ones who were listening to music while they slaughtered people. Given that I’ve already heard accounts from deserters that they were murdering innocent civilians, including children, and they couldn’t take it anymore - I’m guessing that yes, there are many troops in that category. Disgusting.

So when are Bush & Co. going to stop covering up just how many casualties we’re incurring? Ralph Nader wants to know.

Hasn’t it seemed like the Israel/Palestine situation has been awfully quiet lately? I’m sure someone on FOX News would say “Well, the Roadmap to Peace is working,” or something asinine and servile like that. The reason it’s seemed so quiet is that Israel, with the backing of the US, is practicing ‘disengagement’. What that translates to in a practical sense is just plain old ignoring. However, if any Palestinean strikes occur, they seem to be ready to commit genocide. Perhaps I’m exaggerating, but read this article on Counterpunch about Sharon’s advisors and their ties with the US, and see what I mean. The quotes from one of Sharon’s top military advisors, Arnon Soffer, are really chilling.

The more long-term r3tr0 readers are aware of my growing disdain for “liberal” commentaries, but I just read one that I found to be acceptable. It was supposedly posted on The Daily Show website, though I poked around there briefly and couldn’t find it. It’s called “A Letter to the Red States”, and was written by a woman from NYC.

I was holding off posting about Canada and their ruling to allow same-sex marriages, but I suppose it’s all but inevitable at this point, or so I’m told. Here’s what I really like about this ruling: the court ruled that religious officials cannot be forced to perform unions against their beliefs. See, America? It’s not that hard to come to a logical fucking conclusion about this. Oh, my apologies, I forgot that being moral means imposing your “superior” beliefs upon everyone. Alas, you had to go and let Karl Rove trick you into thinking that it’s okay to hate and to legislate discrimination. This is a great example of how short-sighted Americans can be, and why being a progressive thinker in a country of obedient traditionalists is sometimes really frustrating.

Fusion. Will we ever make it happen? Will we fuck it up and sending a burning ball of plasma straight to the core of the Earth? According to the Christian Science Monitor, we’re getting closer to harnessing its potential power. Personally, I can’t get past the fact that fusion would require that we generate and contain a plasma burning at 100 MILLION degrees Celsius. Fusion scientists, if you want something to focus on, how about that?

Oh yeah, it’s Photoshop Phriday, but you should really check out SomethingAwful’s front page for something we goons have been discussing in the forums recently. This insane woman devoted a site to her miscarriage, and not only are there lots of spine-tingling pictures, but she even Photoshopped little angel wings on it. It’s sick alright.

Sucker that i am for political intrigue (i follow this shit doggedly, as if my personal voyeuristic involvement might somehow alter the outcome: the solipsist’s foolish curse), i’ve been reading tonight about some of the behind-the-scenes vote dickering that in all likelihood tainted the results of our recent “election” beyond any semblance of meaning. Allow me to share some thoughts.

After reading the convoluted, John Grisham boilerplate investigative report (which is full of holes) linked from r3tr0’s post below, i ended up watching the votergate.tv documentary, which was produced sometime this fall in hopes of raising voter awareness of possible fraud in the then-upcoming November 2 “election.” If you’ve not yet seen this thing, please carve twenty minutes out of your schedule to do so now. The thesis is, of course, that a small group of businessmen & politicians have successfully taken sufferage out of the hands of 80% of the American electorate. After watching the film, however, it should be clear to you that behind the smokescreen—technological manipulation, leaked memos, overheated servers, political doubletalk & the like—the entire scheme rests solidly on one undeniable premise:

The American people are overwhelmingly timid, extremely slow to catch on, and, in the ways that matter most, completely powerless.

On the downside, the film’s resolution is a five minute spiel from various congresspeople and activists about how getting out to the polls can change the world. Kind of a bizarre anticlimax for a film that just succinctly demonstrated that voting is no longer safe. Bev Harris (whose work has been invaluable to the cause) notes in her closing exuberance that (paraphrased) ‘The more people that vote, the harder it is to change the results.’ This comes on the heels of her demonstrating how the manipulation of one vote-tabulation machine can skew the results from an entire county. Consistency, anyone? It’s no wonder we can’t get anything done.

The soundtrack, by the way, is awful. You’ve been warned.

If you’ve already given up on democracy and just want to fool around with the scraps, check out this cute video that demonstrates just how easy it is to hack into those tabulation machines.

After screwing around on blackboxvoting.org for awhile, i came across some commentary from William Rivers Pitt, who was in Washington on Wednesday to sit in on Michigan Rep. John Conyers’ House Judiciary subcommittee forum on election fraud in Ohio. His notes read from the bottom up, and are copious, but are well worth perusing. I enjoyed his increasing level of dejection as the process mired down in typical American bureaucracy. To wit:

“And of course the wheels come off as soon as the floor is opened to questions. Everyone wants to make their speech, absent a question, and Conyers has to push people along, and the speechifiers get pissy, and we all look like fools. Progressives are uniquely gifted at this, and it never gets any less frustrating to watch.”

Amen. What was that about never getting anything done?

On that note, it seems that Rep. Conyers, after nearly outright promising to OFFICIALLY OBJECT TO THE SEATING OF THE OHIO ELECTORS, has changed his tune and now says, uhm, well, ahem, that he’ll look into that sort of thing, or maybe have some lawyers take a look, at least. This, no doubt, after being reminded that questioning the party line is tantamount to political suicide… who wants to give up a fat paycheck & the hot life in D.C. over some pissy ol’ voter-fraud issue? Remember that the Democrats want to sit on this issue until next summer.

Seriously, though, there were some incredible testimonies given at the forum. The right honorable Rev. Jesse Jackson (sure, say what you will) dropped a couple of bombs:

“If some can argue that the right to bear arms is explicit in the constitution, how can we tolerate our right to vote being described as ‘implicit’ in the constitution?”

Well said. And, more to the point:

“We cannot vent and then have Congress not act. If these reports are not investigated, we have all wasted our time. This cannot simply be an academic venting session. Take this struggle to the streets and legitimize it there, as they did in Selma.”

If you’ve really got some time to kill—and remember that in the best (or worst) case scenario, this forum will mark a turning point in our relationship with our goverenment—KPFA has archived its live broadcast here. Jackson’s speech begins at about 00:22:00.

In closing, i’d like to apologize for my optimism. Republicans control the congress and have a strong hand in the courts. They are extremely unlikely to allow any meaningful change in the “electoral” process. Sure, we’ll be even more certain that our government has fucked us once again; maybe so certain that we can continue to pay taxes and go about our daily economic affairs without so much as reflecting on the dire nature of our condition.