I’m sick today people. Stayin’ home and don’t feel like bloggin. But I’m getting better I think. I’d like to thank Sudafed, and insane amounts of orange juice for that.

Long weekend! President’s Day! Party!!!! Go Lincoln, Go Lincoln!

CIA director Porter Goss tells us that Iraq is fueling terrorist movements. It’s a little twisted to want to say “I told you so”, but come on! What the administration has effectively accomplished is to provide those persons with hatred towards America and/or its seemingly endless occupation with a cause to fight against. This is the kind of thing I’ve been saying all along. You can’t put out the fire if you’re the fuel. Some news agencies were reporting this morning that Iran and Syria are forming a sort of alliance against us. While the Bush cartel continues to be baffled as to why the “spread of democracy” and liberty (and all those other buzzwords) appears to be failing, many of us shaking our heads on the sidelines are watching all that we’ve predicted unfold before us. Will they ever come to their senses? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of… America vs. the World!

Just when I thought this global warming thing was just a bunch of hype - I look outside and what do I see but each and every car in our parking lot, melting into a pool of goo. I see a dog whose paws have fused to the sidewalk, and I glance at the outside thermometer. 300°F! Alright… that was complete fiction. But - if you want some photographic evidence of global warming like I do, then here you go. Some pretty interesting stuff there.

Also interesting and “naturey”, the oldest known homo sapien is now believed to be 40,000 years older than previously thought. That puts them at 195,000 years of age. Or, if you’re a creationist that enjoys discounting science fact - 6,000 years. You know, when Adam was around and shit. That just got me thinking about a phrase I hate hearing… “I don’t know him from Adam!” How did this get started? More importantly, who do you know “from Adam”?? Did you know Adam? The reason none of these hypothetical questions appear to make any sense is because creationism invariably throws all sense right out the window. Here’s a Jeopardy answer I’d like to see within the next few years:

This hysterically impossible theory regarding the origin of humans was often used as a fascist propaganda tool during Bush’s reign.

Well, it’s official folks. No watching the Calgary Flames this year. Er, I mean, no NHL this year. However, since the season is cancelled I’d like to declare the Flames to be the Stanley Cup recipients by default!!! 2005 CHAMPS BABY!! Truthfully - way to fuck everything up, guys. Ya bunch of rich assholes. (Except the Flames.)

Star Trek Enterprise fans, such as a certain upstairs roommate of mine, have likely been contemplating suicide lately, and some have even gone so far as to help pay for a full page ad in the Los Angeles Times to try and persuade TV execs to keep it on the air. The show sucks, dammit. Scott Bakula’s career was over the day he stepped off the Quantum Leap set, and Jolene Blalock isn’t hot enough to warrant continuing a failing series. So let it go, gentlemen.

Well hello there everyone. I’m back from Oakland, and I brought with me a nice little sore throat and a case of the body aches. I went in to work this morning, but promptly bailed in favor of eating some Phở, because soup sounded damn good. I was a great trip, except for the shitty weather, but Saturday was plenty sunny and glorious.

Here’s some pictures!

Since I’m at home, I want to take care of a bunch of things, so this is gonna be quick.

On Saturday, Baghdad Burning was updated.

The US is finally getting pressured to follow the Kyoto protocol, but Bush doesn’t think that’d be good for business. Namely, the business of polluting our cities and our lungs. Oh, and also the health care industry, since all of us will more than likely have lung cancer. McCain and some other liberals are trying to push over some sort of restrictions, but support is just not there yet.

The House is debating boosting indecency fines to $500,000. Here’s the problem with this: as is said on Howard Stern almost daily, broadcasters don’t understand the vague, misleading “guidelines” they’re told to abide by. I of course think the whole idea of imposing fines for whatever the state deems indecent is absurd, yet in a world of soccer moms and bullheaded conservatives, a lack of consequences for “sinning” wouldn’t fly. People just don’t get it.

The midwest is the home of binge drinking. After doing a quick character search on the linked page, I was surprised that the words “West Cleveland” were absent from the copy. Apparently they’ve never been to the Blarney Stone or gone on a Lorain Ave. Irish Pub Crawl. Shameful and pathetic. Dave Attell knew better when he came here for his show Insomniac. I can’t recall his exact words, but he did make mention of the amount of bars and the amount of raging drunks.

So, you, your spouse, and your kindergarten-age son just moved to Staunton, Virginia. Whether you’re atheist, muslim, buddhist, taoist, hindu, or subgenius - you’re going to love their policy of shipping your kid off to Bible school without telling you. Just for shits, I’d like to hear Bill O’Reilly’s inane defense of this activity. Each time he contradicted our Constitution, I’d get to whap him on the head with one of his many sex toys. I’d let him pick.

Picturing the end of the world, you might think of buildings in ruin, mutated people huddling around metal trashcans with fires in them, or perhaps Mad Max. What would be the drink of choice? I’m sure after a few months all the good liquor would be gone or very difficult to find. That’s when it’s time to resort to mouthwash. Listerine to be exact. The kind that can get your blood alcohol level up to .30 in a jiffy. Let’s hope this doesn’t become trendy. Or… maybe we should hope for that?

According to recently-released documents, the FAA had been warned about the possibility of an al Qaeda hijacking 52 times from April to September 2001. Over a span of 105 daily intelligence summaries, 52 of those mentioned the possible threat. Wow, this is pretty major. I’m not sure in what way, but the Bush administration is accused of suppressing these reports, and even now they’ve blacked out portions of the documents. Despite the fact a lot of folks knew something fishy was going on because of the 9/11 comission’s “findings” and their severly curtailed Bush/Cheney “discussion”, this is just further evidence that the administration failed miserably to protect us.

Fascism ahoy! US scientists are repeatedly asked to alter findings in order to protect business investments. Here’s another finding that’s not surprising, but equally disturbing. There’s fewer and fewer obstacles in this administration’s path towards fascism, and in this specific instance, both humans and animals are the victims. You can accuse me of donning a tinfoil hat here, but look at the control they have over every element of our society! Next up, the curbing of class action lawsuits. By shifting a majority of class action lawsuits to federal courts, businesses will be “protected” from “junk lawsuits”… or at least according to Bush they will. What we all know this will do is hinder consumer’s rights, and allow corporations to continue to operate with even less accountability. And guess what? It’s probably going to pass.

Should northeast Ohio secede from the rest of the state? Well, after the results of the presidential election were released, I’d say so. However, I don’t think this is a matter of ’should’, but a matter of ‘could’. I highly doubt any secession is going to take place in modern day America. If that were the case, residents of the Upper Penninsula of Michigan should be the first to get their own state. There are plenty of other examples, I’m sure. Still, as Clevelanders we’re forced to suffer along with a completely defunct state government, and most notably have to contend with faulty educational legislation that hurts children and their families. As a recent Free Times article pointed out, though, our own mayor is more concerned with attracting tourists than she is with helping our families. Talk about putting the cart before the horse. Oh, I’d like to add one stipulation to my acceptance of a Cleveland secession… no suburbs allowed. Those jagoffs can KEEP their SUVs, urban sprawl, strip malls and W ‘04 stickers.

Corey Feldman says Michael Jackson showed him nude photos when he was just a wee lad. Convenient that he remembers this now. On the surface this looks like just another account of MJ’s weirdness, but I heard an interesting perspective on Howard Stern this morning. Dominic (a lawyer friend of Howard’s) called in to express that he thought this was done to help Michael Jackson’s defense.. and here’s how: if Michael could settle on some sort of deal by admitting to just showing pornography to these kids, he could get off a lot easier than if he’s eventually convicted of molestation. Of course this would be done behind closed doors. Personally, I don’t think he’s getting off that easy this time around. It just seems all too evident.

Echanos, Ken & Ev, and anyone else who wants a knife set: here’s the exact knife set I got, for even less than before! For $19.99 you can get this puppy, and believe me, it’s worth much more. It’s like a kitchen in a box. If your knives are dull and pissing you off, just do it. You know you want to! Why this is discounted 95%, I have no idea. They must have a new product they’re pushing and need to get rid of them.

St. John’s Wort is as effective if not more effective than some depression drugs. Damn, that’s pretty impressive. My aunt’s husband (she remarried) eats this stuff wild all the time. Up in Canada, it grows all over the place, and he was a mailman, so he had plenty of time to grab a little handful and chow down. He swears by it, and if I’ve ever met a man who enjoys life, it’s Don. That’s all the evidence I have.

SomethingAwful’s Photoshop Phriday is pretty good this week. It’s vintage ads being toyed around with. Here’s a few of my favs:
Where has daddy gone?
Death slalom.
Uh-oh!
Camel Lights

Alright everyone, I’m off to see nicodemia of the Bay! Next week I’ll be back to blog on Wednesday, so Happy Valentine’s Day, and may the force be with you.

ROCK!

Please direct your attention to paragraph 81. This is old news, i guess; must have missed it when i was out of the country. But i cannot imagine a more perfect caricature of the guy, and here he is: Doing it for real. Thank you. Thank you.

If you really want Ward Churchill’s own word on the matter, here’s something he wrote for Counterpunch.org. I haven’t read it yet, but hey.

Put yourself in his place: Wales drives home the winning goal, sending England packing like the dogs everyone knows them to be. The pub goes crazy. Free beer flying everywhere; strangers making out all over the floor; staglike rutting activity abounds. You’ve made everyone a promise. Are you gonna crap out with some lame excuse: ‘Just kidding, guys! I don’t think I’ll cut my own balls off, after all!’ No way. You’re going to do it.