It’s a slow news day, unless you like mulling over the vague rhetoric of Condi Rice, which I do not. If you want to understand her overall stance on foreign policy, it’s really quite simple. Everyone else must play by our rules. We needn’t play by anyone’s rules that we don’t like. There, you’re done.

In the wake of the go-ahead on drilling for oil in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge, let’s just all remember that nature isn’t real.

For those friends of mine who happen to know JLove, I’m sure you know he moved to China a while back. He started a band called Proximity Butterfly, and they’ve been gaining popularity for some time now. Here’s a few pictures from a recent show of theirs! (Might load slow… must pass through communist safety filter.)

I’ll tell you what, we poor folks are totally fucked if rich people can live forever! So much for trickle down economics!

In case recent news hasn’t gotten you totally disheartened, a 5-year-old girl was arrested, cuffed, and tossed into a cruiser after a classroom outburst. I don’t even know what to say.

Did a little followup on that Mary Holding Jesus roast pan, and although it’s not yet for sale on ebay, there are two other folks selling Mary Holding Baby Jesus pretzels. One of these has an incredible starting bid of fifty bucks, and is six months stale. (On the upside, it’s flavoured with honey mustard). The other, bidded up to $10.99 by two of god’s own castoffs, boasts well-preserved salt, a plastic carrying case lined with napkins, and a description so preposterous that… well…

“This is truly a work of God during this holy season of Lent. God always finds a way to give us a second chance, shouldn’t we all give God another try???”

Interested readers might also enjoy the Mary Holding Baby Jesus Cheeto; the Virgin Mary & Christ wood chunk (not toast); the Unique Virgin Mary/Jesus peanut; the quasi-vaginal Mary and/or Jesus wood slice; the Nature’s Miracle Mary with Jesus “Not Pretzel” weathered stone; the ten dollar Holy Dorito; the Jesus Christ my last pack of cigarettes; the Created Long Before Pretzels or Grilled Cheese Mary cradling Jesus polished stone; or the hopefully fictional Virgin Mary Holding Baby Jesus Incredible God’s Will regurgitated snack item with showcase, bidding for which opens at $10,000. All of which, goddammit, are available at your local ebay terminal.

So much for hoping Hizbollah would “lay down their arms”. Bush, you just can’t have your cake and eat it too!

Here’s a good Counterpunch article explaining why Wolfowitz is perfect for the World Bank. He’s just as corrupt and crooked as the organization itself. After reading this, I came across a CNN story saying that Wolfowitz and Bono have had a few phone conversations! I just hope Bono wasn’t soft on him. You know there was a lot of deception going on there, and they’re just hoping to improve Wolfie’s image.

The price of homes in the Bay Area rose 20 percent last year. The average price for a home there is $569,000! After skimming over a real estate mag that nicodemia gave me as a parting gift, I can tell you that price will get you a frickin’ shack in El Cerrito, probably behind another home.

I am still trying to wrap my head around this one. A woman was tricked by a musician into believing she was paying airfare for “invisible mermaids”, only to later find out she was duped. All I gotta say is I’ve got dibs on the Arab one. I totally saw her checkin’ me out.

My favorite Atari game ever, Kaboom, has been made into a flash game! This is too awesome!!!

Play with magnetic letters, but be warned! Other people are playing with them, too. This gets really annoying, especially when people start pulling the letters into one spot, or into the corners. Grrrrr!

Last AND least, a woman spotted a virgin Mary holding baby Jesus on a roasting pan. She’s not going to wash it or cook with it again. Pictures included. This one is easier to see than the one in the wood grain on that guy’s clipboard, however… come on!!! It’s just some carbon junk you were too lazy to scrub off! Sheesh.

I don’t know why this was on CNN’s front page, but this is really funny! In North Dakota, third-grader Saje Beard is allowed to ride her mule, Ruth, to school on most days! This took me immediately back to the first time I saw the movie Tombstone. I was with nicodemia, among others, and we proposed the very sensible question: “Why can’t we all ride horses around instead of bikes or cars?” This was quite some time ago, but I still often wish that a horse was my primary means of travel. So yeah, I’m jealous of a third-grader.

Restarting the Antiwar Movement by Ralph Nader. Some good points are made here, Ralph, but don’t you think the media has made this movement appear non-existent? I can recall before we sent troops into Iraq, huge protests across the nation… I mean millions of people taking to the streets… and I didn’t see or hear anything about these protests, except for on NPR and when I listened to Guerilla Radio on WRUW. While the antiwar segment of the population may have alternate means of assembling and organizing, if they’re not covered by the major media organizations, the bulk of the country writes off their concerns as “fringe”. I don’t offer up this explanation as an excuse for why we were unable to prevent the war, unfortunately. It just seems to be a reality these days. The spread of antiwar sentiment, even in the face of blatant deception and false pretenses, has spread slower than molasses flowing uphill. What else could be blamed for the suppression of the truth than our pathetic excuse for an unbiased media?

San Francisco County Superior Court Judge Richard Kramer rules in favor of gay marriage. Excellent. Let’s just keep throwing it back in their face. I particularly like this judge as he cited pure logic by calling the ban “discrimination”. (I wonder if people actually have to refer to Mr. Kramer with that huge ass title!)

Is Jacko gonna get off the hook now? Apparently the alleged victim admitted that he told a staff member at his school that Jackson had never molested him. If this case turns out to be fabricated by this kid and his family, I think they should lock them all up in a cell together and force them to be on a reality TV show. After the inevitable lull occurs in the plot, whips and strange tortures can be introduced. Things like, letting really friendly dogs in their cell… the kind that won’t stop licking. And, making them only consume baked beans and cabbage for weeks on end… keeping a ventilated cage of crickets in their cell, chirping all night… or giving them 100% wool clothing, sheets, and underwear.

I didn’t know this, but Mayor Jane Campbell (the good little capitalist swine) is actually pushing for Wal-Mart to come to the new Steelyard Commons here in Cleveland. Wal-Mart has already backed out, which is probably the first good thing to happen to Cleveland in 10 years, and here she is trying to get them to come back! Un-fuckin-believable. How can someone be so blind as to the needs of this city? One of the only unique qualities Cleveland has is that a lot of mom & pop businesses do alright here. Jane, you are the biggest sellout since BB King did his Burger King campaign.

HEADS UP PEOPLE. If you need a new bag, of the messenger variety, here is one for $9.98! I just bought this, because my bag is small and crappy and… well, it’s 10 bucks, man! I spent six times that on beer last week, I bet! It comes in olive green or black. Judging by some of the comments, it might not be all that durable, but I have a High Sierra backpack that has been going strong since my sophmore year in high school! It recently went with me to Oakland, too. So if it’s anything like that bag, I think it’ll be well worth it.

What is it with me finding moustache links this week? I don’t know if I can keep up the pace, but I happened upon this Moustache March website today. Amazingly enough, our bassist Bot is growing one in as a “March Moustache”. However, he’s too full of himself to read this blog, so he’ll never see this! Mwahahahaaha! I must say to Ms. Hotdog… despite the strong allure moustaches have, they’re just not worth the effort. I’d recommend living vicariously rather than tainting that nice upper lip of yours!

This is kinda cool … I guess. It’s the saga of a guy trying to cross a canyon. He fails a lot.

What blog entry would be complete without mention of a man who now has two penises? Well… every entry prior to this one, I suppose. Men - although it defies logic, women only want you to have one member… at least in this case study, that’s the finding.

If you happen to be unemployed, congratulations! If for some reason you’re also looking for work, you might try here. Looks like easy money to me. (I enjoy the bit about needing internet access: Why?)