Life is good. (I have no idea, so don’t ask! This picture is simply great.)

The US is going to recognize Hizbollah’s involvement in Lebanese politics. The group has always been labelled as a bunch of terrorists by the Bush cartel, but now they really have no choice but to acknowledge them and their strength.

Well, great. Apparently we were definitely detaining children at Abu Ghraib, including some as young as 11. I had heard reports of abuse against children before, but information was hard to come by. I’m surprised there isn’t anything available to contradict the seemingly “innocent” accounts relayed by the US and, in this case, UK news. Don’t get me wrong, if there was no abuse against these children, that would be great news. If they were indeed abused, well… for fuck’s sake.. nothing’s going to be done anyway. We already know of blatant, overt abuse cases, tales of prisoners being farmed out to other countries just to carry out torture more covertly, and if you combine that with the firm grip the government has on the mass media, this will definitely go nowhere. Nobody cares… which is perfectly illustrated in this quote from a US General: “I don’t care if we’re holding 15,000 innocent civilians; we’re winning the war.” Is that a fact? Wait, what “war” are you even referring to? Jesus, this government’s changed it’s rationale more times than Bush snorted coke. I can’t even keep up. What’s our new excuse? Spreading democracy… something about liberty… hell if I know. All I know is that when I hear some rehearsed bullshit response from a brainwashed tool of the establishment, I can’t help but chuckle… but the fact that people are accepting this, saluting the flag, letting it happen… that sickens me. Each of those 15,000 civilians is a human being. The way Americans can detach themselves and label them as “insurgents” is just pure laziness. No one’s taking the time to monitor what’s really going on because they believe their life is too important. They have to race home to make The West Wing, to get their kids over to Arby’s, to blow $3000 on the latest HDTV. These are the top concerns and priorities of Americans, not civil rights, not humanity, and certainly not the lives of civilians on the other side of the world.

Oh, here’s another concern of the average American: Michael Jackson. This is a little easier to justify. After all, many people my age grew up with the guy and his music. I’m pretty sure the first music recording of any kind that I picked out on my own was Michael Jackson. It was a record, 33rpm, brown in color, with a young Jacko sporting a gigantic afro. So yesterday when Michael walked into the courtroom, late almost to the point of being arrested and dragged in, sporting blue pajama pants, it would be understandable to be somewhat captivated by the drama. According to this trustworthy FOX News report, some people believe Michael may try to kill himself. He’s having very serious financial trouble, which seems impossible. Recent developments in the case include revalations that the kid’s mother previously tried to sue JCPenny for something along these lines, and that some parts of the alleged victim’s brother’s testimony changed over time, suggesting it may have been rehearsed. All I care to add is that I saw Michael one day on some VH1 special about being ultra-rich. He was in a store that had vases, chandeliers, sconces, and all kinds of trinkets… but the kicker was that most of them cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, some over a million. A salesman was confirming for Michael what he had already bought as he walked around, pointing at things he liked. Michael was almost frantic, walking quickly and inquiring “Have I bought that already? I want that.” He practically owned everything in the store, and not a single piece of it was functional. So whether he’s sick in the head in a sexual deviant kind of way or not, his shopping binge showed me he’s one seriously messed up dude.

Tree-Ski-Jumping? What the hell? Where do I sign up?

SomethingAwful’s Photoshop Phriday is Comic Book Chaos Part II. Not bad.

Hong Kong’s leader Tung Chee-hwa has stepped down. He was criticized for being a puppet under Beijing’s control, so this really isn’t a big deal. However, there’s a chance that his replacement might be a whole lot more of a puppet. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Another Baghdad Burning update! The electricity must be on more than 4 hours a day now! She talks about the new leadership, and the way that Iraqis are learning to debate.

Saddam was not found in a “spider hole”. Marines told a completely fabricated account of Saddam’s capture, and during the real capture there was resistance, including Saddam firing rounds out of a second-story window. So… why did they lie? I can’t even think of what they thought they were accomplishing! Perhaps they thought he needed to be captured in a humiliating manner. Maybe they thought that would cause Iraqis to side with the occupation; that reducing him to a common thug in a hole would show his entourage had been vanquished. I guess it’s harder to come up with a rationale at this point because whatever the motivations were proved to be completely irrelevant and futile in quelling resistance.

Ward Churchill is still busy clarifying his points. I think the fact that people are still taking major issue with his statements reflects just how narrow-minded some people in this nation are. I truly think these objectors aren’t even grasping what he’s saying. They believe Churchill is pro-violence, instead of carefully reading and understanding his message. Well, clarify on, brother.

Hey, remember when the Dave Matthew’s Band tour bus allegedly dropped 800 lbs. of shit on a Chicago boat tour? Well, it was definitely them. Although, the band was not on the bus. Not that anyone was thinking Dave was sitting in the back like “Do it, dude! Drop the shit! Go!!” I mean… he’s much too conscientious to be behind something like that. I still chuckle every time the image of this seedy bus driver bouncing across a drawbridge, trying to slyly unload his waste. What a motherfucker!

Why am I such a depressed, pathetic loser? Well, it can’t help living in one of the most depressed cities in the country. Cleveland ranked 92 out of 101, and being at the bottom was bad. This was in Men’s Health, so it’s probably about as scientific as a chimp banging on a chemistry set. Still, if March doesn’t start warming up, I’m going to off myself just to prove them right.

Mmmm, mmmm, mmmmmmm!

I know you’ve always wanted to be a man-eating shark, right? Well, now you can! With this new flash game, Mad Shark, you can eat all the scuba divers you can stomach. Watch out for their knives, even after you’ve devoured their legs!

I always check SomethingAwful.com’s Awful Link of the Day, just to see if it’s worth mentioning on here. Most of the time I find it funny, but today’s is a real gem worth sharing. Some lame-ass vampire wannabe’s talk about using their magic to finish off the Pope in order to conquer Christianity somehow. If nothing else, just read the excerpt from the main page. I was laughing my ass off.

Howdy, pardner. I’m quite busy at work today, so here goes.

Is Lebanon going to slip into civil war without Syrian troops? One thing’s for sure, Bush knows so little about this situation that he hasn’t taken that option into consideration.

Cleveland is losing a dozen public schools. That’s right, one dozen.

Down in Jacksonville, two disgusting foster parents were holding a 17-year-old boy captive in a cage. This seems like an X-Files episode. Not one of the cool, earlier ones though… the later ones where they started moving away from aliens (which was the only reason the show was interesting). Anyway, the poor kid was in a diaper, his growth supposedly stunted from being in a cage, and severely under-weight. Jesus, this is just awful. Looking at that woman in the picture, I can picture her acting vicious and angry, and I’m thoroughly disgusted. What a world.

To further illustrate how messed up this world is… let’s talk about Feral Children! That’s right, kids who were raised by wild animals… goats, bears, dogs and wolves. Some very interesting material.

Cool flash animation set to Coltrane.

Come on, there’s nothing wrong with a little late-night naked dog wrestling! Let the woman do her thing.

I’m in no position to define a day as being a “slow news day”, but I think today is a prime candidate for such a label. Either that, or nothing I really care about is going on. I also didn’t find anything off the wall or interesting, but here we go.

Baghdad Burning has been updated.

China to Taiwan: screw all y’all. Honestly China, I don’t know where you get off. First, isn’t one billion citizens enough? Do you really need to yank Hong Kong AND Taiwan along with you? There’s two countries that don’t want your help, yet you still feel the need to impose yourself. Just keep your gigantic land mass and astounding amount of residents and clam it.

Around 200,000 Lebonese held a pro-Syria rally in Beruit today. I think the truth of the matter is that there are a great deal of Shia Lebonese that would prefer Syria keep their troops there, but another sizable demographic wants them to leave. Either way, painting Syria as some sort of active aggressor seems like a bit of a stretch. Bush is really running with this one. I heard him stammering through some inane speech earlier on NPR, savoring his first taste of encouragement from outside our borders. Like a guy telling jokes at a party, who just realized he had an audience, still trying to play it cool, yet still failing to do so. The thing about Syria and Lebanon is, unlike Israel and Palestine, this really isn’t a border dispute, right? Why can’t they just split the country up into pro-Syrian and anti-Syrian camps? Shit, if all these countries are going to be so damned nationalistic, just make an assload of little nation-states like the former USSR. Just break Iraq up into like 8 parts! Damn, man! People are so friggin uptight.

Well, Syria’s going along with the requests of the world for now, moving more troops out of Lebanon. However, I’ve finally tracked down a genuine Lebonese opinion on the matter - this interview with Lebanon’s Foreign Policy Advisor, Fadi K. Agha. As I suspected, they’re not so concerned with seeing Syria pull out entirely as the global mass media would like us to believe. In fact, if this guy is truly conveying the thoughts of a majority of Lebonese, they don’t mind having the Syrian troops stationed there. They did mind having Israel there, however.

Is the US media too political? Um, yes it is.

Here’s an interesting piece about Beck. It delves into his new album, give some behind-the-scenes accounts of his writing process.

Girls, be like Laura Bush - join Iron Hymen! You too can learn about the evils of boys’ private parts!

In keeping with my promise of posting any perceived images of Jesus or the Virgin Mary in everyday items - here’s a pretzel some girls believe to be Mary holding baby Jesus. Unlike a lot of these, I can sort of see what they’re talking about. Still… this is a pretzel we’re talking about. A PRETZEL. Whoever first said “the lord works in mysterious ways” should’ve really thought about the ramifications of such a statement.

I’m not sure why this is humorous, but here’s a blog with celebrities caught right in the middle of a blink. Silly!

There’s probably a lot of more thorough accounts of this, but the Italian reporter held hostage in Iraq was freed, only to be blown to bits by American soliders as they approached the airport. It was a case of mistaken identity, but a really, really unfortunate one nevertheless.

Comic.

It’s official. Canada is no longer cool on weed. At least that’s what the NY Times would have us believe in this scare piece on the mythic “BC Bud,” a strain of dojo so powerful that it killed four mounties last week. Apparently Canadian cops are just as conspiratorial and fraternal as our own good-ol’ boys, and they’re taking this Marijuana Murder personally. Even if you don’t believe a thing written in the Times (and i won’t disagree), at least check out the subtle intimations drawn between al Qaida, Latin American cocaine traffic, methamphetamines, savage gang violence, and the deeply disturbing “BC Bud.” Further evidence that no journalist whose drug experiences were limited to yummytime coughsyrup dessert shots should ever write on drug related topics.

Is anyone else scared shitless by this?

Here, this is a piece of the puzzle, too.

Listen: I may be some paranoid stoner, but Bush I & Clinton joining shiny hands and begging me for money over the net is just too much. These people eat children, for god’s sake!

(We’re fucked.)

Here’s one for the ages. Let’s prop up the slumping economy by making shit more expensive. That way, when Mr. Sixer is faced with the prospect of replacing that shitty old Pontiac he’s been driving since the Nixon administration, he can opt out and, instead, sock that money away in a special tax-free savings account. Eventually he may be able to afford a new car. But likely not.

That’s what i love most about how economists approach wealth & welfare issues. They absolutely refuse to touch the existing distribution of wealth, taking it as given. Therefore, nothing to be done. “So,” they say, “let’s try to fix this fucker with some band-aids and Bondo. Hold on, let me see if i can find that bailing wire. Ah, yes: here it is, filed under ‘F’ for Fuckaround. Okay, back to work.”

Then they’ll hem and haw about prime lending interest rates, which theoretically have some sort of impact on anyone’s life outside elite financial circles. After some indecision there, they turn to cockamamie schemes like the infamous flat tax. Or, yes, the national sales tax. The logic apparently being that squeezing an extra buck or two out of the poor will ultimately prove more fruitful than going after Daddy Warbucks . . . because he has a private army.

What’s really hilarious is that The News is going to pitch this thing like some glorious luxury tax, insinuating that only Hollywood celebs and the Fifth Avenue set are going to suffer from this. Regular guys like you and me will be too busy saving that money in our new accounts. Or fishing through dumpsters for food. Whichever.