This is madness: Kristina Holliday is wanted by US Marshalls. She was last seen at “Hotties Bar” in Parma, cutting up some woman with a broken beer bottle. It’s not that she’s actually cute or something, but I’m sure that, in her Parma social circle, she’s the queen fox. Can you imagine her holding up a gas station or something? This is just so classically Parma, Ohio.

I see Jesus in my womb! Oh yeah? I see the Virgin Mary in a water stain on a Chicago underpass! Now now, people. Lots of people see Jesus AND Mary all over the place. And they’re all fucking crazy.

Speaking of the F-Bomb… there’s now a website dedicated to keeping track of how often “fuck” is said during HBO’s Deadwood. Apparently, Deadwood is notorious for this kind of thing. Currently, F-Bombs are dropped at a rate of 1.45 per MINUTE, with a total of 1519 bombs dropped over the entire series. Impressive!

This weekend, I bought myself a new toy: the M-Audio Firewire 410, a recording interface for my computer. It’s quite sweet. I got it on my Musician’s Friend credit card, so I can pay it off over the next 3 months with no interest. I also got Grand Theft Auto: Vice City for my computer, which usurped far too much of my time. I wish every weekend was four days… I have so much shit to do and no time to do it. Yeah, and then I’m sitting on my ass playing video games.

I’ve got lots of crap today, so I may not write much on each topic.

Baghdad Burning has been updated. She talks about Marla Ruzicka, a well known humanitarian who travelled to Iraq and was recently killed in a car bombing. She also talks about a recently fabricated story which appears to have been intended to generate an excuse for American intervention in a city south of Baghdad. Read it.

I had never even considered this possibility, but the governments of tsunami-destroyed areas are trying to force citizens to abandon areas they once lived on, in hopes of installing a tourist-friendly infrastructure. This article on AlterNet, entitled “The Rise of Disaster Capitalism” talks all about this unfortunate development.

Ralph Nader makes a very good point about the way America values people and their contributions to our world. Ralph, I fucking love you, man.

Adobe to buy Macromedia?! I’m envisioning a software package, an uber-suite, costing around $10,000 per license. Let’s hope I’m wrong.

The ancient city of Oxyrhynchus was home to a great deal of papyrus, tossed in a garbage heap to rot for eternity. However, it just so happens, a lot of the writings are very significant to our history. Until recently, scientists were unable to decipher much at all from these documents. Things have changed. There may be new Christian and Greek stories that wind up being extremely important, and they’re being re-assembled as we speak.

Victoria’s Secret, in addition to the crime of over-pricing the hell out of women’s underwear, is guilty of printing their catalogues on paper harvested from Canada’s Boreal forest. If you’ve never heard that term, Boreal, it’s not so much of a select region, but more or less the vast forest stretching across most of Canada. And if you’ve never seen pictures of it, it’s a thing of beauty. This seems like the perfect opportunity to endorse the use of hemp paper, eh Victoria?

A city in Iowa has gone totally organic. I thought nicodemia would enjoy this. Frankly, I would too, but things like the hot italian sausage I had last night would be in short supply.

Holy shit! Look at these sandcastles.

The Starship Enterprise crashed into a small island today…. okay, that’s not what this is, but it kinda looks like it. Meh.

Alright, once again, I haven’t much time to do this. I got slammed at work this morning, and I don’t mean Macho Man Randy Savage came by. Tonight I’m thinking of doing some dumpster diving. If I acquire anything good, I’ll be sure to post about it.

The Iraq war is failing, despite the upbeat attitude much of the media maintains. The truth is that although they tell us the insurgency is now smaller and weaker, the number has not stopped growing and is hovering around 200,000 - more than the amount of troops we have there. So what can the anti-war movement do about it? Here’s some ideas from a contributor at CounterPunch.

GM and Ford act surprised that their crappy cars aren’t selling. Look, you morons, you both have the ugliest cars in the business. Pontiac hasn’t had an attractive vehicle in two decades, if you ask me. And Ford… poor Ford. Look in the mirror!! The Taurus has always been hideous. Somehow you found new ways of making it even more ugly. The Escort is gone, replaced by the fugly Focus… which is actually the closest they’ve come to having a reasonably attractive vehicle. If either of these companies want to get their sales up, they need to start over and design a whole new fleet. However, the truck lines of both companies are okay. Who cares what thoselook like?

Most people I know are painfully aware of how beneficial it’d be to legalize hemp for industrial and agricultural purposes, but here’s an article that preaches about it anyway. Ever since I was old enough to form opinions I was astonished that hemp was kept illegal. If for no other reason than saving the forests by making paper from hemp, they should re-legalize it. Producing paper from hemp is more efficient than with wood, and hemp doesn’t take decades to grow back! Not to mention you can use it for just about everything else under the sun. Before I get too furious, I should drop the topic. Feel free to further frustrate yourself by learning more about its various uses.

Mmmmmm, this rice tastes like people! I don’t quite see why this is considered a legitimate idea, but the USDA is considering allowing rice containing HUMAN GENES to be sold here in the US of A. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Cost of living outweighs benefits.

I’m pretty sure you can see this post on SomethingAwful without a forums account… so just scroll down the page. There’s an animated gif of a guy drinking a flaming cocktail of some sort. Hilarity ensues.

As if I needed more proof of how addictive cigarettes can be, a zoo in South Africa is struggling to get a resident chimpanzee to quit! The article goes on to say there’s another smoking chimp in China, too. Damn man, I gotta quit.

Choking the chicken.

Perhaps I’m just too picky lately, but I’m finding very little blog-worthy information out there. There’s always a few good, LONG reads over at CounterPunch.org, but for the most part it’s Ho Hum City. (Capital of Hohumland)

If you’ll recall, around the time when the bulk of the Abu Ghraib photos were released, there was talk of another group of extremely heinous shots that hadn’t been released. Well, those photos probably won’t ever be released, because almost everyone who’s seen them acknowledges it could decimate support for the war, and possibly cause even greater damage to the military as a whole. As an anti-war proponent, I can’t help but salivate at the prospect of lost support for this war. I’d rather not see Iraqi police sodomizing young boys, but a public acknowledgement that these sickening acts took place should be mandated. There’s been very little coverage of this second set of photos, and from my perspective, the government should not be able to sweep their crimes under the rug. I guess that’s why you hear the term “accountability” being tossed around a lot. Is anyone going to answer for these crimes? Frankly, any loyalist who thinks our government should be absolved from responsibility for these acts is basically bowing to the same kind of totalitarian regime Saddam ran. This isn’t about grossing people out, it’s about letting the truth be told.

“There is no United Nations.” - John Bolton, current nominee for UN Ambassador, 1994.

A gammy ray burst may be the culprit for a mass extinction 450 million years ago on this here planet. An interesting prospect. You wanna talk about accountability? How about some natural event being held accountable for removing all the cool species from the planet?? We can hold the trial in some sort of Space Court. No black holes invited to the courthouse, though. Or anti-matter.

McDonald’s - making billions of people fatter, every day. McDonald’s is facing a challenge. How do they remake their image to avoid the fate of the tobacco industry? Personally, although I loathe the fast food industry, I think lawsuits alleging any certain chain is responsible for a person’s obesity are preposterous. Cigarettes are addictive… food is only addictive to those who can’t control their eating habits. That said, I wish there were some legitimate method of punishing the various fast food giants for the many societal crimes I feel they’re guilty of. However, suing because you have no self control and got really fat is not the way. A complete overhaul of the FDA would help. Outlawing the barrage of marketing they unleash on children would be another good move. A great first step would be outlawing fast food in public schools.

Sheezus, the news has been slow yesterday and today, my friends. Really, I’ve been looking… there’s just shit to talk about. Sure, Britney’s pregnant, Michael’s guilty, you can hunt cats in Wisconsin, and John Bolton is probably going to be our UN ambassador. None of that is really interesting. It’s just filler. (Except the cat hunting, but I don’t think that’s fully approved yet.) Oh, we did find out that Bush likes ‘Brown Eyed Girl’ by Van Morrison. That’s fucking exciting.

So let’s travel back in time. Way back to a time when things were simple. I’m talking about this past weekend at Noble Pheasant Farms.

There’s big bunnies there. This here’s a French Flop.

If you’re not careful, the piranha-like baby goats will eat your clothes right off!

We amassed quite a wood collection, but rather than sell it on eBay, we burned it.

Here are all the baby goats together, chillin.

This pizza was made on the Sunday before last, but I neglected to post it.

Finally, Rumsfeld admits we have no exit strategy for Iraq. Is anyone even following the Iraq war anymore? More specifically, where are all those morons who defended the Bush cartel’s decision to go into Iraq? I wonder if they’re aware that every aspect of this occupation is tainted with deception and false information. Of course, to be a smug little dickhead, Rumsfeld said “we have a victory strategy.” Further elaboration on how victory might be achieved was absent from the speech. Why do you think that was? That’s right, because you can’t win a war on terror, and because these idiots have no idea what they’re doing.

Israel brought Bush some pretty pictures recently; aerial photos of Iranian nuclear facilities. Right before GW pushed the giant red WAR button in the living room of his Crawford ranch, one of his aides spotted a LEGO logo somewhere in the picture, and the Israelis scrambled. All the vehicles in the photo were later discovered to be Matchbox cars. Yep, that’s how it went down.

I went out to Katy & Bob’s farm this weekend, got a bunch of sun and caught zero fish. I’ll probably put up a few pictures sometime soon, but I didn’t bring my camera to work today.

Baghdad Burning has been updated.

This just in: obese people don’t get treated as well by store employees. A study compared the way clerks respond to both an obese person and a person of average weight. They actually placed a prop Diet Coke in the hands of their test subjects to see if that would alter the reactions. The article goes on to include a condemnation of all forms of discrimination. So what they’re telling us is that if someone elects to become a morbidly obese blob, and they’re proud of it, we can’t and shouldn’t be offended by their appearance and/or behavior? Bullshit! Obese people don’t need further consolation and codependency by way of acceptance… they need to know that they’re living a very unhealthy life. I understand a percentage of weight problems are related to heredity, but I’m also sick of sensitive lardasses complaining about discrimination and simultaneously not accepting any criticism of the poor dietary decisions they’re making. I’m not sure where I heard this concept, but it made sense to me: what’s really obnoxious is hearing a fat person talking about the dangers of smoking, or trying to tell someone who smokes to quit. If we can’t tell you to stop eating so damn much, because that’s your vice, then you shouldn’t be telling people how to live their lives. Being fat is a health problem, and this country is a plague. 60% of us are overweight. Obviously acceptance of fat folks is not a solution, it’s an acknowledgement that being fat is just fine. So, next time you hear someone talking about a smoking ban, ask them what they think of a fat ban! I understand that fatties aren’t hurting others with their fat, but apart from blatant physical damage, they might find that their loved ones want to help but feel they shouldn’t or couldn’t. I’m not suggesting obese people be subjected to some form of public humiliation to motivate them to change, I’m suggesting they cease being hypocritical when it comes to other people’s choices.

Some genuine justice was served up to a spammer recently, after Jeremy Jaynes was sentenced to 9 years in jail. This article answered one of my questions about junk mail, which is “how do they make any money when you know no one responds to this crap?!” Well, about 0.3 % of people were dumb enough to respond to Jeremy’s garbage; enough to earn him $750,000 a month. Keep in mind, some of these were pure scams. I hope the list of busted spammers grows in leaps and bounds in the upcoming years. I only wish I could prosecute $hopWi$e - the jackasses that send me a loose packet of coupons every damn day. I even followed their instructions, (which were by far the most in-depth unsubscribing instructions for any junk mail service) and sent them a signed letter and waited 6-9 weeks before they were to stop sending the piles of crap. They didn’t stop. Now I just put them in my stepbrother’s mailbox.

What’s an Amish babe gonna wear to the beach? Wholesome Wear, of course.

If you’re not annoying enough, here’s some suggestions. Some of these are really good.

So. This is how it really works. Guess i’ll get on with it, then.

Vicente Navarro over at Counterpunch has penned a fitting eulogy for the Famous Dead Guy of the Week. Those of you jacked into the mainstream will recall that Opus Dei was the “scary bad guy” self-flagellating rightwing Catholic sect in Dan Brown’s schlockodramatic cryptoreligio-pageturner The da Vinci Code. Now, on to the gnus…