Man, for a Friday, I hardly have anything.. and I looked, dammit. It’s just one of those days.

Tomorrow I’m going out of town, to Cincinnati, for a wedding. Last night I got a haircut. I just got done eating gumbo. Tonight I’m planning on watching the third Lord of the Rings. I hope to spend Sunday making out with nicodemia with a crackling fire nearby. Okay, that’s a bit much… but ‘demia, if you’re reading this, I hope to return from Shitville, USA by 1 or 2pm on Sunday. At that time we will get drunk.

John Bolton’s nomination is delayed again by the Senate. I’m fucking astonished! You mean to tell me there are actually a few Republicans that have their concerns about him? Arrogant world domination is not the goal of neocons afterall? It’s just too good to be true. Regardless, I hope they find someone else, and I hope that someone is George Carlin.

UFOs AND bigfoot seen in Ohio?! Why didn’t anyone call me?! Some folks out in Olmsted Falls reported seeing strange red and green lights in the sky, and air traffic controllers said nothing was showing up. Considering the wingtip lights on planes are red and green (red on the left, green on the right, so you know which way it’s moving), I wouldn’t put too much stock in this sighting. However, the bigfoot sighting was reported by several people driving down I-271 near the Cuyahoga Valley, a few years ago. They said a large hairy creature with human-like features walked across the highway. Come to think of it, that would be a really great prank to pull, if you could score a realistic enough costume. Acting like a frightened, previously-undocumented primate crossing a highway would be a lot of fun.

If they make floating labs like this Sea Orbiter, I really wanna go back to school and study marine biology. I wonder how that puppy would handle a storm on the open ocean.

Bush is going to shoot down the stem cell compromise, citing his unrivaled love of life as the rationale. Good ol’ pious GW says he opposes “the use of federal moneys that end up destroying life.” Really? How about the $300 billion spent on the Iraq war? Or the $491 billion dollars the Pentagon just had approved for its budget? The hypocrisy is so blatant it makes me gag.

For the first time, withdrawl from Iraq was on the table for the House of Representatives - but it got shot down. To be specific, it lost 128 to 300. Nevertheless, consummate optimists are hailing the proposal as a major positive swing in the discussion of withdrawl. As far as I’m concerned, if all of the obvious falsifications and misleading statements made by the Bush cartel to justify this war didn’t already provide legislators with enough evidence to decide we were taken for a ride, then it’ll be a long time before any plans of withdrawl are put into action.

How far would a military recruiter go to score a new recruit? According to a 17-year-old student who went undercover to find out, far enough to drive him to a head shop to buy a drug detox kit (he pretended to be a druggie), and to tell him to obtain a fake high school diploma! This young genius made sure to get it all on tape, and now the Army has been forced to investigate. Fan-freaking-tastic.

It’s senior prank time, and one school in Alabama was vandalized in a particularly hilarious manner: the students spread elephant dung all over the auditorium! I’m quite amazed that the cleanup cost was only $1,600 - I would have thought getting feces out of cloth would be far more difficult. Someone was undercut on that job!

America: the land of religious double-standards. Alright, I understand that not every business can afford to have their employees praying on company time. However, Islamic cabbies at Cleveland Hopkins Airport are being ticketed by police for leaving their cabs to pray. The police are saying that they simply aren’t allowed to leave their vehicles when parked at the airport. Here’s where I believe the double-standard comes in; and you can call me a fool if you’d like. Christian prayer “technique” does not require you to assume any position, face any specific direction, or follow a strict procedure. Islamic prayer, on the other hand, does. Of course, the NewsNet5 article I’m reading makes no mention of that. Cabbies don’t have to take breaks at specific times, they make their own rules and pretty much work their own hours - so what does it really matter? According to the survey on their site, 74% of respondents believe the cabbies should be ticketed.

The Onion added some interesting new features to their site, including this hilarious piece covering science news in photos. The very first one nearly made me shit my pants laughing! (Alright, so my bowels weren’t really stirring, but it was damn funny.)

For those of you using Firefox (and if you’re not, go get it), I just found this interesting new trick. You can set up multiple home pages, and when Firefox opens, it will open them in seperate tabs! Wow, now I get Google and the weather right off the bat! Ehh… this isn’t that cool.

I really thought this picture was going to come out, but boy does it look like crap. Anyway, driving to work this morning the clouds were extremely low… like, halfway up the Key building. And since I’m trapped inside for the better part of the day, this was my taste of the outdoors. I hope you enjoy it.

The House passed an embryonic stem cell bill, but Bush is threatening to veto. Then the oh-so-humanitarian Republicans passed their less-controversial bill allowing researchers to use umbilical stem cells, as well as adult stem cells. You know those neocons… they’re all about preserving life in all forms… unless you’re of a different religion than they are, or your skin color is different, or you live in the Middle East… or…

Rob Cockerham of Cockeyed.com, being the wise man that he is, asked his loyal visitors to generate a list of possible terrorism targets and ideas, in order to anticipate their next move(s). That list can be viewed by clicking the text you are reading right now. There are some very serious ideas, and some that are laughably absurd - but still, a good idea.

“Hey, Bruce… get over here! You gotta check out this broad’s tits!” You may find yourself overhearing that very conversation if the TSA gets the latest x-ray technology installed in airports. These new devices will allow people to see right through clothes, revealing (as a privacy advocate put so delicately) “nipples” and “the clear outline of genitals”. The Dept. of Homeland Security says these so-called “backscatters” will greatly improve the ability to detect weapons. (Apparently, current airport screeners are doing a miserable job, the article tells us.) Hey, you know, I’ve got nothing to hide but an enormous cock*. So, you know. *by ‘enormous’ I mean average, and by ‘average’ I mean not that big.

Any fans of Josh Love and his new Chengdu-based band Proximity Butterfly will enjoy seeing his band’s blog. They’re really kickin’ some ass over there! I can’t wait for an album.

It’s a race: SMS (txt messaging) vs. Morse Code! GO!!! Winner: morse, baby! Leno recently held this very race, although it had apparently been done before. (As if you really thought Jay Leno ever came up with something on his own.)

Beers of the world: under a microscope. Does this knowledge benefit anyone in any way? I doubt it. Still, it looks kinda neat.

Utterly amazing work of art done in MS Paint! I can’t even fucking believe this. He said he used a Photshop blur filter on part of it (probably the sky and/or the reflections) but it’s still completely incredible.

Guy catches 124-pound catfish. Dear lord is that thing ugly. No swimming in the Mississippi River for me!

I regret to say that on Saturday night, Ev, Kerri (sp?), Echanos, and myself officially became statistics for the Star Wars opening weekend. While I’d say it was better than the previous 2 releases, that doesn’t mean it was good. The dialogue was terrible, and Natalie Portman should be the first recipient of an anti-Oscar, if they’re ever invented. There is a scene with Palpatine, aka the Emperor, where his makeup looks as bad as the creature on the wing in the famous Shatner Twilight Zone episode. His delivery in the aforementioned scene is perhaps worse than the makeup job. With all my pissing and moaning out of the way, it satisfied my nerdy craving for special effects, and also wrapped up every loose end, short of the suggestion Echanos had of documenting Han Solo’s birth and childhood. I tossed in that a young Lando could have also been included. Nothing is going to compare to A New Hope, so I really shouldn’t expect it to.

What else did I do this weekend? Why am I asking questions of myself that you probably don’t want answered anyway? Hmm…

Saturday morning, after picking up some coffee and doughnuts at Tops, I passed the Taco Bell in the midst of renovation. Amazingly enough, the drive thru was open - however, I was told last night that the speaker is no longer functional, and you’re required to yell into the window.

I then took the doughnuts and coffee over to Ken and Ev’s moving sale, which ended up being fairly profitable for them. An utter lack of coffee filters sent me into a frenzy, and it wasn’t until after 10am that I finally had any.

On our first attempt to get coffee filters, we passed this interesting piece of graffiti. Blue dots, indeed.

The arguably sexy picture of Saddam in his undies is causing a great uproar, and for no good reason. I actually wrote Riverbend of Baghdad Burning to inquire about whether or not people were outraged in Iraq. I see this as a distraction, intentional or not, from the prison abuses, the civilian and military casualties, and the far more important breaches of the Geneva Conventions. I don’t see it as humiliating, either… despite my call for equivalent photos of members of the Bush cartel to be published. Frankly, Saddam looked to be in good health, and the tabloids certainly didn’t surprise anyone by their willingness to publish the photo.

In discussions with friends, I know I’ve made the assertion that the Bush-sponsored stem cell ban must be having a negative impact on American scientists in that field. I do realize that the research will be done somewhere, however. Slowly it’s becoming apparent that the research gap is widening, and where we could be leading the pack, South Korea is now on top. As I just recently ranted about nationalism, I’m not one to actually concern myself with who’s “winning”, but nothing perks up the ears of a greedy neocon like potential profits and domination. At least that’s one possible route to convincing Bush to drop the ban. This Wired article talks about the current South Korean advantage.

Ken, Ev… they’re opening up biodiesel pumps in Seattle at competitive prices! Well, competitive in a warped, west coast sense.

A 90-year-old Pennsylvania man wrecked up the funeral procession he was driving in and injured 9 people. Nice going, slick. He said he had on new shoes and mistook the gas pedal for the brake. Ah, so that’s what you’re telling yourself. GIVE UP YOUR LICENSE!!!

Sorry about yesterday, folks. Just one of those days. Regardless, I’ve made it to Friday, and so have you, so let’s do this! *insert unnecessary manly growl*

If the US creates space weapons, Russia ain’t playin’. Of course, Russia would rather work things out diplomatically, however they’re warning us to avoid starting a costly arms race. This seems like just another case of Bush trying to push people’s buttons. It’s pretty clear he’s going to do whatever he wants.

I hope you all took the time to look at the articles about George Galloway’s comments to the US Senate, which I posted links to yesterday. Today I stumbled on a piece by Stan Goff on CounterPunch that punches the Democratic Party in the stomach. He talks about the disturbing cowardice of the Dems, and their failure to do their part in representing the leftists. You’re so right, Stan. The only group in a position to impede the advance of the neoconservatives are the Democrats, and yet they remain corporate puppets getting sucked into the political pissing contests instead of firmly disagreeing with policies that are so blatantly irrational. Usually I don’t staunchly support an editorial like this - the kind that fails to propose an adequate solution to the problem - but in this case I simply hope that harsh criticism of the floundering Democratic party will prompt some kind of change. In reality, I think the only way the left will be substantially represented in the future is to ditch the Democratic party and stand behind candidates that speak their minds.

Oh, and then there’s an interview with Alexander Cockburn, one of the founders of CounterPunch, and a regular contributor as well.

Google took their first step in the direction of becoming a portal site: a personalized home page. Now you can set up your page to display weather, headlines, your Gmail account, and more. Not bad.

America West has purchased US Airways, which has been struggling a great deal lately. Meh, this really isn’t that interesting.

This is interesting - to me. Studies are showing that chiropractic work can help migrane sufferers. I’ve often wondered if my posture, specifically my neck and shoulder area, contributes in some way to my migranes. Over the past few years I’ve been trying to monitor my posture more often, and I tend to let my head fall forward, which in turn puts some pressure on the base of my neck - where all of my migranes start. Some specialists are still very skeptical of this treatment, but it might be something I should look into sometime.

For only the 2nd time, I have made it into the Photoshop Phriday feature on SomethingAwful. In truth, I didn’t know what this week’s topic was, but I did post in the thread they picked. So I didn’t expect to see my entry, but that’s cool! Oh, and I go by Klenky Wah on the forums - so you know which one’s mine on that page.

Gotta make this quick.

Bush got bashed pretty good by an Englishman.

The debate over the filibuster got crazier.

The new Patriot Act will get a dose of steroids.

Animal rights activists are the FBI’s top source of domestic terrorism.

That grenade tossed at Bush was live, but didn’t go off.

Can the Bush people really be so clueless? Sorry, they sure can.

Trump wants to rebuild the World Trade Centers and make them tougher.

Try some Puppy Curling!

Another corporate rocker gets pissed at his major label. Exactly. Exactly: big fucking deal. This time it’s Chris Martin of the soon-to-be has-been grocery-rock outfit Coldplay, who commented publicly on his secret loathing of corporate music. Rather than do anything about it, though, Coldplay will likely remain with EMI until they’ve exhausted every possibility of milking their narrowly-constrained creative energies, whereupon they’ll be systematically dumped and forgotten, left in the American dust to enjoy their millions of dollars. Personally, i think Johnny Rotten got it right back in 1976:

The first acknowledgement of the MI-6 memo by “The White House” has finally occurred. However, it was also a denial. Not surprisingly, Scott McClellan paints a picture of Bush gaining the approval of the world before heading into Iraq. Are you serious? They’re literally trying to jog our memories at this point! CNN saved mentioning the letter sent by Democrats to Bush, which questions his administration’s integrity, for the last two sentences of the article. No joke - if you read this article from top to bottom, it becomes progressively more factual and more liberal at the same time. For those that quickly scanned the first few paragraphs, they could walk away thinking this was just some random hoax the Bush administration has been forced to respond to. Great job, CNN.

Don’t think other countries haven’t noticed we’re moving rapidly towards fascism, though. This article from LaJornada in Mexico explains that not only have they noticed the fascistic trend, but that they believe a majority of us must be supporting this movement. “All the studies and polls of recent months indicate that a clear majority of Americans approve of the U.S. forces in Asia, the role that multinational corporations have in those conflicts, just as they support a tougher policy towards Mexican migrant workers. The new measures, we must not forget, were approved by almost the entire House of Representatives, and unanimously by the Senate, and stand as an endorsement of most of the population.” So it’s happening now. The fears of progressives and liberals are being actualized - the world is starting to believe that the neoconservative agenda is America’s agenda.

Just when America’s agenda couldn’t get any more disgusting, conservatives in Kansas are trying to redefine science in hopes of spreading the “intelligent design” theory into schools. You know what’s more upsetting than people trying to disregard the very nature of our planet? The fact that they must believe this will improve society somehow. We’d be better people if we believed the earth was 6,000 years old. And more disgusting than that? In Kansas, this initiative might just be successful.

The ACLU is all over The Silver Ring Thing program, which preaches abstinence with a blatantly Christian message packaged in a 3-hour presentation. If you participate, you get a silver ring inscribed with a passage from the Bible. The problem is that this is a federally-funded program! Of course, the article I found is from the BBC.

Have you heard of the Piano Man yet? Some dude was found wandering on a beach in the UK, wearing a suit and dripping wet, and although he’s yet to speak to anyone, he can play piano brilliantly. He is said to have sketched a Swedish flag at one point, but the police believe he’s actually English. Now in a mental ward of some sort, he’s given several concerts, and seems to relax a great deal when he plays.

Here’s an awesome Daily Show clip about blogs and big media.

The SomethingAwful goons have made some movie-themed LCD games that will never be. Check ‘em out!