Sorry people, no bloggin’ today. Well, I guess this counts, but you know what I mean. Today there are parties at each of our centers, and I’m running a karaoke machine (!) and concocting a batch of crunk juice for one of them! This karaoke machine is hilarious. There are two Beatles songs on the all-Beatles disc that I’ve never even heard of. How did they even manage that?! I have Beatles Anthologies, and nearly every Beatles album on mp3, and they dragged out two total unknowns. Also, instead of having Smokey Robinson’s Crusin’, they have the version from that bomb movie Duets with Huey Lewis and Gwenyth Paltrow. That’s a damn crime. This is going to be hysterical though… seeing teachers singing Ricky Martin songs and drink crunk juice… I can’t wait.

Alright, alright, I found a couple of things:

Weather Icons from all around the Internet. Why? I have no idea. For some reason this page is fun to look at.

Also fun to look at are the front pages of newspapers from around the world! Very, very cool!

Cleveland’s population is the lowest since 1900! Somewhat surprising, considering that was 105 years ago, but if you live in the city and see all the abandoned buildings and vacant lots, perhaps it shouldn’t be so alarming. I’ll tell you what - at least I ain’t stuck in shitty suburban traffic! Mwahahahaha!

Finally, I’d like to share this satellite image of where in Canada I’m headed next week. When we go fishing on the back lakes, you first travel across Bear Lake and then down the river to Poplar. I printed out a copy of this and I’m going to surprise my aunt with it, because I’m not sure she’s ever seen the lakes from this incredible height!

Google Earth is awesome.

Jesus is it hot out there. I just stood in the sun for about 15 minutes ringing the doorbell to one of our centers, only to find out they were ALL out to lunch! Then, I climbed back into my a/c-less car and enjoyed the way my jeans adhered themselves to my skin as I drove back here. Thank god for the arctic a/c we have here in the office. Why my parents thought Ohio was the place to settle down is beyond me.

Alright, today I’ve been really busy at work, so here goes.

Here’s a cool idea: little toy cars that follow whatever path you draw with a pencil! They’re just in the developmental stages, but it might happen.

Peeping Tom pulled from outhouse tank. SICK. I remember hearing that this happened somewhere in Cleveland’s emerald necklace, aka the Metroparks. I can’t believe someone could even get down in one of those heinous-smelling piles of waste, let alone stay down there without vomiting profusely. In this case, a teenage girl reported him and they dragged him out and hosed him down like an animal. Good.

This is really all you need to read about or do today: Google Earth. This program is incredible. Satellite imagery coupled with 3D buildings, roads, and all kinds of other data. You can tilt, pan, rotate, and zoom. All this and it’s free! Have fun!

Psychiatrists struck back after Tom Cruise’s rant about them. After calling the field a pseudo-science, he proclaimed “you don’t know the history of psychiatry - I do.” The psychiatry community is concerned that people won’t get the help they need because of this highly-influential actor’s statements. Does anyone else think he’s making an ass out of himself? I wonder how War of the Worlds is going to do in the boxoffice now that he’s publicly exhibited his insanity in several ways. The general reaction from the public is pure confusion… we hear about him constantly, but for what reason? When asked if he was justified in his comments about psychiatry, 79% said no. He keeps inventing controversies and hype around his ladyfriend and his religious beliefs, but why? Cruise/Holmes 2008? Is that what’s going on here?

My top ten best ways to wake up:
10. Birds chirping
9. Kisses from a foxy woman
8. Soft music
7. The ocean
6. The end of a great dream
5. Smell of coffee
4. Blowjob
3. Outright sex
2. Several billion dollars crash landing in your backyard (and only you hear it)
1. Bacon alarm clock

Alright, so that list was really only made for one reason - so you’d click the link.

I always thought that if it got to be over 150 degrees outside, that people would start dying instantly. However, a German man sat in a 230 degree sauna for 5 full minutes and lived to tell the tale. Yes, they literally have a sauna endurance championship. I’m pulling for it to be included in the next summer olympics.

A boy in Bangladesh had a fetus inside his belly that even developed limbs. It was removed recently, when the boy was 16 and the fetus weighed 4.5 lbs. Yowza!

Check out these awesome aquariums!

You MUST watch this video. No excuses.

The United States: A country above the law. This is a Mexican-written article speaking about the Bush cartel’s dismissal of the recent Amnesty International reports regarding prisoner abuse. I just think it’s important to realize that other countries are aware of the violations of international law that we’re engaging in. It could be that 0 out of 10 prisoners are guilty of whatever they’re accused of, and it could be that all 10 are guilty, but without any adherence to the guidelines that all other countries agree to abide by, we are showing our selfish side to the rest of the world. Also, what would happen if say… France were to start practicing the same types of secret detention and interrogation? A direct challenge to the superiority of the United States would get right under the skin of our leadership. We just need to practice what we preach.

Speaking of which, if the theory of ‘Intelligent Design’ is to be taught in schools, then why not teach other theories of how the world began? For instance, some people believe the earth was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. That seems more realistic than Intelligent Design, if you ask me. The link is to an open letter addressed to the Kansas School Board, pleading that this theory also be taught to children.

Oh the humanity! NewsNet5 exposes the ugly truth about a certain street with a 25 mph speed limit… drivers are going nearly 40 miles an hour!!! They even went so far as to stop people they clocked over the speed limit and ask them why they were going SO FAST. Of course, they mention that children are playing on this street in an attempt to enrage you. If your child is dumb enough to be playing in the middle of the street, or even back and forth across the street, who is to blame? When I was little, we knew the danger of darting out into the street, and we sure as fuck didn’t press our luck.

Right after I read that last article, I came across another speed limit-related piece: Speed limits may not be saving lives. It turns out that speed limits were created in the 70’s to combat a gasoline shortage. This study focused on the fatality rates before and after 1995 when states were given the authority to raise their speed limits above 55mph. A lot of other factors have contributed to the increase in highway safety, including better technology and increased use of seatbelts. Here’s the Wikipedia entry on speed limits, which says that no states have a speed limit posted higher than 80mph right now. I guess we should all be glad that they gave up the 55mph national speed limit back in 1987. Man that would’ve sucked.

The solar sailing device that Russia launched yesterday ended in failure after a booster rocket failed to ignite. It was nice to see that somewhere in the world they’re exploring this technology. The idea of solar sailing seems to be a great concept and an efficient one, too. Let’s hope that next time it succeeds.

Also in the world of downed crafts is one of our U-2 spy planes, which crashed “somewhere in southwest Asia”. Hmm, southwest Asia… Iran, Afghanistan? I just heard on NPR that he was on a mission that was somehow related to Operation Enduring Freedom, which was centered around Afghanistan. Perhaps they were homing in on Osama?

Here’s a list of companies profiting from our ventures in Iraq and Afghanistan. Just because.

Baghdad Burning has been updated.

Today, The Onion set up a mock 300th anniversary edition, set in the year 2056! There is some really hilarious shit over there. I suggest you check it out! My favorite Onion feature, “What do you think?”, is particularly awesome.