Here’s a couple of videos you’re going to want to see:

Some idiots try to tow their car out of the snow. Oh god is this great!

I can’t see how anyone thought this was a good idea.

This has been around the net a lot, but if you haven’t seen it, you must. Quickest way to fold a t-shirt.

On Saturday, it was time to take down the jungle of weeds that were encroaching on the garden. This is the aftermath, though you can see the weeds poking up over the fence, and on the left side of the garden. It’s hard to tell, but some of them were thicker around than a quarter.

Here’s old man Timmy.

This morning on my way to work, I saw a Lamborghini Diablo cruising down Lorain Ave. Not exactly your average ghetto vehicle.

The Cleveland Indians are on a nine-game winning streak! This might be the first time I’ve ever mentioned them, other than if I went to a game, so I’m sure this constitutes some sort of jinx, and they’ll lose the next game. Things just work out like that.

If you’re shopping for both a porch swing AND a xylophone, why not get both in one device? That’s right, for just 1000 US dollars, the musical porch swing can be yours.

Couch One

Couch Two

Big Daddy Kucinich and Bros. have introduced a bill that would require troops to be pulled out of Iraq no later than October 2006. Two Republican representatives are also backing this legislation, which is refreshing to hear. This is really the first bipartisan effort to set a date for troop withdrawl.

On top of this call for troop withdrawl, there’s also an initiative in the works to impeach GW Bush. After all this talk of the Downing Street memo, more and more Democratic members of congress are pushing for impeachment on the grounds that Bush outright lied to take us to war. Mothers of slain soliders are also trying to drum up support for the cause. Anyone who has read this blog for a few minutes knows I’d be all for impeachment, but there is still a problem with the idea. That problem is Dick Cheney. Doctor Evil himself would assume the throne, and instead of having a brain-dead chimpanzee at the helm, we’d have someone with a functional brain set to “destroy”. I can’t see that panning out in a positive manner.

But hey, all this hooplah hasn’t slowed down Haliburton. Nope, they just landed themselves a hell of a contract: rebuilding Guantanamo Bay’s prison for $30 million. Truthfully, how else is Rumsfeld supposed to get those torture chambers to his exacting specifications without the involvement of his homeboy’s business?

Feces Pizza. No, it isn’t a popular dish in Germany - it was a prank pulled by a cheerleading squad in Keller, Texas. There’s a lot of puns I could probably slip in here, but I think Feces Pizza speaks for itself.

Cleveland could get a new interbelt bridge, but probably not any time soon. There are currently two schools of thought on how to fix the aging behemoth that cuts a swath through the south side of the city. One idea is to build a five-lane bridge north of the current one and use it only for west-bound traffic, keeping the old one for only east-bound traffic. The other idea is to build a second bridge south of the current bridge, but engineers have said that would require demolishing the Greek Orthodox church that my friend Dan happened to have been married at, which they don’t want to do. Mayor Campbell has yet to pick a side, and there are good reasons for picking either. There is probably no better example of the word “clusterfuck” than a commute across the interbelt in its current capacity. Every morning, our brave citizens, myself included, risk our lives by cramming ourselves together like sardines to cross this monstrosity. If an accident halts traffic in just one lane, incoming traffic is immediately backed up for miles on 3 or even 4 major interstates. One has to believe that there’s a better way to do things down there. Unfortunately it probably won’t get any better for at least 10 years.

If you woke up this morning hoping to find incontrovertible proof that people will believe whatever they want to believe, look no further. Terri Schiavo’s parents are unconvinced by their daughter’s autopsy findings. The report indicated what was already widely known; that Terri’s brain damage was so severe that there was no chance she could recover. Her parents maintain that she could have been rehabilitated and that she had tried to speak to them. As a doctor I heard on NPR said, it can be very hard to accept that someone is in a persistant vegetative state, especially because you don’t often hear how these patients behave, and if you did you’d know that they can appear to be talking, and can look as if they’re communicating. I think that her parents must not have been educated on what to expect, because they clearly don’t want to believe what they’re hearing.

Here’s a cool idea… buy a cigarette-lighter-powered FM transmitter for your car that supports USB drives, pop in a cheap USB stick, and you’ve got an mp3 player in your car! Fuck a truck, I really want to do this! I hate carrying around my 63 lb. Archos mp3 player, its associated cords, and worrying if it’ll have enough juice to last the whole trip. I already have a 128mb USB drive, so it’d be pretty easy. But yeah, if any of you want an easy way to play mp3s in your car, and you at least have an FM radio in there already, go for it!

A map of sexual fetishes. I don’t know what to make of this. Why am I trying to draw parallels between watersports and a sneeze fetish in the first place? Though I must admit, merely knowing there are people who get off to seeing someone be crushed by a car is pretty fascinating.

SomethingAwful’s Lowtax and Zack critique some seriously out-of-date fashions. Actually, there’s one page featuring some shirts that I want. Anyone who knows me will easily be able to spot which ones.

At a Presidential Dinner, Bush accused the Democratic Party of standing for nothing but obstruction, and claimed that they’re bent on derailing his “agenda of reform”. At this stage in American history, it may be odd for me to take the side of the Democrats, but isn’t that how politics works?! Especially in a situation where the Republicans have a strong majority, what do they imagine the Democrats should do if not prevent legislation they disagree with from passing? These moronic comments are on par with accusing insurgents in Iraq of hating our freedom. Both are easy enough to say, and can’t really be disproven, but in essence mean absolutely nothing. It’s too bad people latch on to these catchphrases and recite them as if they’re gospel.

When you really think about it, why would both World Trade Center towers have collapsed when they were hit at the top and the fires went out fairly quickly? According to a former chief economist in the Labor Department during Bush’s first term, the towers must have been blown up and it was probably an “inside job”. That’s a pretty heavy accusation, but he also tells us that no steel-framed skyscraper has ever collapsed from fire, even when engulfed for hours on end. The article cites a number of other suspicious points of contention. It’s an interesting theory, yet imagine what would happen if the government was found to be behind the whole attack? Then I could see John Titor’s predicted collapse of America taking place. Hey, might as well combine one far-out theory with another, right?

Some Republican schmucks are trying to repeal the 22nd amendment. What would that mean? The 22nd amendment restricts Presidents to two terms. Welcome to the United States of George W. Bush.

I’ve got some bad news for my hometown friends: Brad Squires, a Marine Corporal and Berea legend, was killed by a roadside bomb while serving in Iraq. Now, I wasn’t great friends with Brad, but I certainly was no enemy of his either. I can remember way back in elementary school, goofing off with him and singing some kind of obscene song in front of our gym class. He was a really funny guy, and a really genuine person. RIP Bradley.

The world got just a little more grotesque when it was discovered that a Kansas abortion doctor had been eating some of the fetuses. I’m not making this shit up. Fortunately they shut down the clinic, which was described as having poor lighting and being kind of dingy and disgusting to begin with.

The risk of becoming overweight increases by 41% for every diet soda you consume each day. Scientists recently noticed that nearly all the obesity risk of drinking soda comes from drinking diet soda. I have to take issue with the use of the word “risk” in these findings. I think what they mean to say is that, amongst drinkers of diet soda, there is a high prevalence of obesity. Another article I found on the topic said that this often occurs because overweight persons will drink diet soda in hopes of compensating for overeating. I just have to share that the largest person I’ve ever personally known, a gentleman I worked with at CoreComm that was easily over the 500 lb. mark, drank diet soda non-stop. He was also the only person I ever met who smoked Benson & Hedges.

The police in Lorain must really be enjoying using tasers on children. For the 2nd time in one week, Lorain police tasered someone under the age of 18. This time it was a 16-year-old boy, and the other occurance was a 12-year-old. There seems to be a trend here… and check out this graphic from Rense.com.

This here’s Jake. He belongs to Takeaway’s woman, who generally summons him back when he strays from her field of vision. However, he loves affection, and this is one instance of forbidden petting that took place last night.

“We will leave when we complete the mission.” The White House has rejected setting a timetable for withdrawl from Iraq. Hey guys, mind letting us in on just exactly what the mission is? This article tells us that 6 out of 10 Americans polled would like to see at least a partial pullout. At this point, I’d settle for some apologies, some admissions of guilt, and to hear Bush confess to having made mistakes. I’d still bitch after that, though. This is fucking bullshit.

Michael Jackson was found not guilty on all counts yesterday. It seems that the jury just couldn’t convict him on this case, but at least one juror has said he believes Michael is probably a child molester. In this particular case, other jurors said the mother of the accuser is who’s responsible for their decision not to convict. She was discredited in numerous ways, and one juror said that she was personally offended when the mother snapped her fingers at the jury. She tells reporters she thought to herself “Dont snap your fingers at me, lady.” I don’t blame her. BUT, Michael has a freaking alarm on his secret bedroom and has blatantly admitted to sleeping with young boys numerous times. It’s doubtful that he will ever be punished for anything he may have already done. The good news is that his lawyer claims his days of sleeping with boys are over. You can probably hear me rolling my eyes over the internet at this point.

Free Katie! Guys, Katie Holmes is trapped and possibly brainwashed by the king of inferiority complexes, Tom Cruise. Thank goodness that FreeKatie.net is up and running.

Sorry guys, the news is pretty slow today. Everyone’s busy with MJ, I guess.

I’m pleased to report that the Moon tour was a complete success. Friday night at Andyman’s was interesting… the venue had a very strange layout, and the room we played in was quite small, but comfortable. We didn’t quite have enough power on stage, so my equipment was rigged off of an ungrounded plug, which led to me getting my lips shocked on the mic about 3 times. A miss Wooten made it out, and a girl I met on myspace that I hadn’t heard from in about a month showed up! So that was pretty rad.

On our way to United Dairy Farmers, we spotted this sexy dame in a corporate monogramming store’s front window. I was too shy to get her digits.

Back at the Treehouse, the pool table sported this ferocious logo.

I wonder if Kyle of Tom Foolery and the Mistakes will ever see this… it’s his bathroom at about 5am on Saturday morning. I dig that rug.

Then there’s Roxy, his cat. Actually, he lives with his girl, so it’s their cat. I don’t think ol’ Rox likes the camera though, but she was sweet otherwise.

I forgot their dog’s name, but he was hilarious.

It’s hard to see his expression, but he was moments away from dropping his head onto the porch floor and passing out.

Right before those last two pics, we went to a sausage house and got quite full.. they had a buffet with kraut, cabbage, salad bar, potatoes… oh god was it good. I’ve craved it about 300 times since we left.

This was the stage at Locals Only in Indianapolis. No one was there when we arrived because we forgot about the time difference, so we went to the “hip” district called Broad Ripple and hit some shitty bar there. The fuckers served me Sierra Nevada in a fucking plastic cup. They must not have recognized us.

Once we got back we waited in the van with the a/c going and Jewbacca nabbed us a leaf from a vacant lot he was exploring. It became our window decoration for the night.

This was Takeaway’s attempt at getting a shot of the crowd, but it sure was dark in there. At this point we were off the stage enjoying our complimentary pizza and free draft beer!

This was the last band that night …Peachhead, I think?

All in all we more than made our money back, and it was a really fun time.

How fast will McDonald’s fries begin to mold? Alarmingly slow.

Okay, the jury for the Michael Jackson trial has begun week two of deliberation. Hey guys, let me help you out here… GUILTY. Just say that and get it over with.

The French guy known as ‘Spiderman’ has climbed Hong’s Kong Cheung Kong Center. Good lord, look at that picture! Did I mention that he doesn’t use ropes?!

Pink Floyd’s original lineup will be reforming to play some shows! Wild!

Apparently, someone who works for Family Guy has a blog. I haven’t had much time to explore it yet, but check it out.

The Moon’s mini-tour begins this evening, down in Columbus at a place called Andyman’s Treehouse. We’re pretty stoked. This is the first time we’ve hit the road for a show in a long, long time. The last time I remember wasn’t all that far away; we just went to Sandusky, but it was still fun. Tomorrow, we head to Indianapolis and a place called Locals Only, and then we’ll head back on Sunday, or perhaps late Saturday night if we feel like it. We’re renting a cargo van, courtesy of my stepmom, so we don’t have to pull the usual 3-car Moon Convoy. Awesome.

Of the TRILLION dollars the world collectively spends each year on military endeavours, the US comprises 47% of that amount! Disgusting. That’s really all I have to say about that.

Recipe for disaster:
7 drunk people
Yacht club (for pretentiousness)
golf cart
big hill
Alright, so they all climbed on, achieved around 25mph, then one man was flung off, smashed his head and died. His friend who was driving could get up to 10 years in jail. Geez.

Here’s a blog of crazy eBay auctions. Not a bad idea. I didn’t have time to look through this, but I bet there’s a lot of interesting crap on there.

SomethingAwful’s Photoshop Phriday is Misadventures of Dick and Jane, Part 2.

How’d you like to find a leg on your lawn? A lady in New York came out of her house after hearing something hit the ground only to find a piece of a stowaway who died sometime during the flight. Nastay!

Amazingly enough, Bush didn’t just write off the idea of closing Guantanamo. I suppose it shouldn’t be all that amazing, because closing Gitmo would appease a number of concerned people, and simultaneously offer the opportunity to perhaps open another similarly devious facility. Of course, that’s the conspiracy theorist in me speaking up, but let’s not forget the fact that there are a number of secret prisons around the world being used for essentially the same purpose. Unlike Guantanamo, these prisons are free from observation, so one could argue that a more productive torture/interrogation process is already established and could take the place of Gitmo. I just heard something on NPR the other day about just how many private jets and faux corporations the CIA controls for the purpose of transporting these prisoners. The Bush cartel’s torture infrastructure has been flourishing for quite some time and probably doesn’t need the bad publicity that Guantanamo brings them.

Lately I’ve found it quite amusing that Cheney, Bush, and Condi all have written off the torture-related findings of Amnesty International as “absurd” or “ridiculous”. Something that didn’t even occur to me until today is that this is the same organization that all of these genuine neocons cited in referring to Saddam and his heinous regime while drumming up support for the war. It’s a connection that this AntiWar.com article examines at length. Clinton also denied the reports that didn’t coincide with his agenda, so this is not an exclusively-Republican practice. However, this blatant pick-and-choose exercise by the neocons remains hilarious in my opinion.

Kerry and Bush had similar grades - in fact, Bush did slightly better at Yale. I bet O’Reilly obtained a week-long erection upon hearing this, and will be referring to it without a hint discretion for the next few months. In any case, we all know that grades mean nothing… and we all know that Bush is still a blithering moron, no matter if he got straight-A’s or not! Not to mention, Kerry was a terrible candidate.

Hey, speaking of that suit-wearing neanderthal Bill O’Reilly, he recently attempted to charter a cruise ship with the theme “The Battle For American Values”. Seriously, there was even a symposium on “How To Combat The ACLU”. I’m pleased to report that ticket sales fell “well short” of the amount needed to host the cruise, and it will not be taking place afterall. Combatting the ACLU? Attacking one of the only organizations that’s looking out for our rights as individuals?! What a freakin’ schmuck.

There’s been a lot of videos of UFOs, and very few of them looked like anything convincing. However, I just stumbled upon this video today of some strange lights recently seen in the skies of Arizona. It’s weird - there’s a group of lights, and you can see other lights coming from a distance to join a formation. Then, they blink out and vanish. I guess that makes it a UFO - Unidentified Flying Object - but how would the Air Force explain it away, I wonder?

Here’s a page of Photoshop jobs where well-known people are turned into clowns. Probably the best one is Rumsfeld, if you ask me.