Instead of finally conceding to the desires of the public, the government, and the world, the Bush administration has released an Iraq Victory Strategy. Rolling my eyes doesn’t even begin to mock this tragically stupid development enough. This is the epitome of the detached, always upbeat approach the administration has taken thus far. 80% of respondents on a CNN poll agree - this is just pure spin, straight from the spin doctor himself. And what a waste of time! While they toiled over making this as cheery as possible, even the Iraqi peoples and their temporary government are calling for a withdrawl timetable. Bush says there will be no withdrawl without a victory. Take your cowboy bullshit elsewhere, chief. You lost. We lost. Everyone lost.

Rightfully so, a top aide to Colin Powell has said that Cheney could be charged with war crimes. It has been a dream of mine, since Bush started this senseless war, to see both he and Cheney locked up in some international jail cell for the rest of their lives. So of course I must make mention of this news story.

I knew it, I knew it. Cindy Sheehan has said that AP and Reuters photos of her recent book signing event made it appear that no one showed up. I saw these photos a few days ago and said to myself “it looks like they haven’t even let people in yet”. This indeed was the case, and yet all the captions suggested she had been waiting for some time - hoping that anyone would show up. I also knew this was going to be widely celebrated by conservatives on their blogs, and that it was. The truth is, she sold all 100 copies of her book, and even claimed to have had writer’s cramp from signing! Any chance I have to cease conservative gloating, you better believe I’ll take it.

Two 10-year-old girls were arrested for claiming a bag of parsley was marijuana, at school. I’m sure the officers were commended for bringing down such a major trafficking ring. The girls have been suspended and must take drug awareness classes. I just wish the media would tell it like it is: The two girls must attend drug misinformation sessions, where marijuana and its effects will be likened to heroin.

This could be the best thing to happen to cable TV since… well… since it was invented. The FCC is recommending that cable providers offer their subscribers a la carte pricing - meaning that you could pick and choose what channels you will pay for. Amazingly enough, the idea has been pushed along partially by conservative parent groups, who believe it will be a means for parents to better control what their children see. True, it could do that. It could also serve as a way for me to get rid of fucking PAX, Lifetime, and a billion other channels that are totally worthless to me. I think I’d even get rid of NBC, CBS and ABC.. but I’d have to keep FOX for obvious cartoon-related reasons. It’s so exciting that I feel inclined to go through all my channels and jot down which ones I’d want. The FCC and I are not alone in thinking this idea has merit - the Newsnet5 poll was damn near unanimously in favor of it, especially if it saves people money. In any case, this might be implemented in far less thrilling ways.. and probably won’t happen for a while, either.

Some rich schmuck paid Tom Petty, Aerosmith, Kenny G, 50 Cent, and others to play at his daughter’s bat mitzvah. Of course Petty still rocked.

CIA realizes it’s been using black highlighter all these years.

One of the world’s “foremost military historians”, Martin van Creveld, suggests that Bush’s Iraq war is the most foolish war in the past 2000 years. In fact, he even cites which war may have been more foolish than this one: 9 BC, Emperor Augustus sends his troops into Germany and loses them. Despite all the criticism lately, Bush is still sticking to his “but.. but I’ll lose my bravado” argument.

People’s fat asses are getting too big for standard size needles to deliver their payload. About two thirds of patients who get shots in their butts wind up only getting partial dosages. Naturally, our proud tradition of obesity in this country was blamed as the cause.

A nicotene vaccine? Researchers are working on a vaccine that will bind antibodies to nicotene, thereby preventing much of the drug from entering the brain. The side effects were few, and it seems like an exciting prospect for helping people quit. I would really be interested to experience having a cigarette and not being able to take in nicotene. I imagine you could almost discern the difference between getting the drug and not getting it.

Nepal’s government is going to probe the story of the Buddha boy. Mainly out of concern for his health, they are investigating the claims that he has not eaten for six months. I don’t recall reading this in the previous story, but he is hidden behind a curtain at night. Shoot, for all we know, he’s getting roast duck and sweet potatoes every night.

I don’t know what the hell this is, and I have my sound turned off, but it looks pretty interesting.

Shoot some things.

Man oh man, Thanksgiving brings out the drinker in everyone. The past five days have been a blur, but I did accomplish some things now that I think of it. Also, I did manage to score myself a $25 deep fryer - in fact, it was the last one in the store. So far I’ve made french fries, hush puppies (including my newest variety: jalapeno hush puppies), fried mushrooms, fried cauliflower, and onion rings. Needless to say, I think I put on about 7 or 8 pounds over the past week.

I’m also thinking of making a documentary about Great Lakes Christmas Ale; specifically, the impact it has on Cleveland and everyone’s holiday plans. Everywhere I go, I see people chugging the stuff. For some, it’s their first venture into the lesser-known realms of beer. For others, it is a long-awaited season that promises to deliver buzz after hangover-causing buzz. Personally, I could give half a shit about the stuff. It’s nothing outstanding, and it’s certainly not worth getting excited about. However, I have heard numerous tales of hangovers that were so formidable that they impeded people’s plans for the next day… yet these people may return to guzzling it just a few days later. The urge to consume impressive quantities of the stuff is another phenomenon. Its alcohol content, somewhere around 6-7.5%, is not all that outrageous, given some of the beers on the market right now. Still, the people I speak with all say that they drink them as if they are bottles of Bud Light; almost as if they lose the ability to judge when they are sufficiently trashed. It is my hypothesis that Christmas Ale is a phenomenon for reasons beyond mere taste and clever marketing. There must be something going on here!

BWIII is going to love this one. There’s a new conspiracy theory being tossed about that Bush suggested we bomb Al Jazeera during a meeting with Tony Blair. Of course, the evidence is part of a top secret memo, which is protected by Britain’s Official Secrets Act. There was certainly plenty of motive, especially when you factor in Bush’s thin skin when it comes to criticism. The way I imagine this was proposed is something like this:
Bush: Damn, all I’m gettin’ is bad press these days.
Blair: Well, if your incompetence just wasn’t so visible.. so.. public…
Bush: LET’S BOMB AL JAZEERA!
*silence*
Blair: I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.

The US is weighing the idea of carrying out more bombing runs instead of keeping so many troops in Iraq. Many are concerned that, once Iraqi military are given control of target selection, they will use it to carry out revenge and assassinations.

According to Ayad Allawi, Iraq’s Prime Minister, human rights violations are even more numerous now than during Saddam’s reign. I think a lot of folks who get their news from sources other than FOX News have long suspected this was the case. He speaks of Shias operating death camps and torture centers, adding that the corruption threatens to spread to all branches of the new government. As a Lib Dem spokesperson put it: “The assertions by Mr. Allawi simply underline the catasrophic failure to have a proper strategy in place for the post-war period in Iraq.”

Baghdad Burning has been updated. Riverbend talks about recent assassinations.

A former Canadian Minister of Defence is asking Parliament to “lift the veil of secrecy” surrounding extra terrestrials and UFOs. He believes we are being visited regularly, and is concerned that space weapons will threaten aliens into believing we’re a hostile species. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea. Having served from 1963-1967, he mentioned Roswell as being “above top secret” even then, and I guess that contributes to his suspicion. Hey man, best of luck.

Pat Morita, aka Mr. Miyagi, is dead at age 73. There are conflicting reports about the cause of death, leading me to suspect Cobra Kai was involved. That fuckin’ Johnny bastard just never let it go.

Tom Cruise boght a sonogram, costing somewhere around $200,000, so he and Katie can monitor their baby at home. They plan to donate it to a hospital once she gives birth, but … what the FUCK! This is the most bizarre couple on the planet right now.

Here’s some commands you can use from the Run… prompt in Windows.

Mezmerizing time-lapsed video of the Panama Canal.

I’ve watched this video maybe 7 times and I still can’t believe it! Absolutely unprecedented foot fault in bowling.

Greetings, weary traveler.

Seriously, if you’re out there on the road today around these parts, you probably are weary. I have the rest of the week off from work, but Echanos tells me I shouldn’t neglect the blog. So I dug up a few things, and maybe I’ll even post some lame pictures of roasted bird later on.

I was just pondering when the invention of matches happened, and so I found out it allegedly took place back in 577 AD by some Chinese folks trapped during a military siege. Naturally, they had minimal access to firewood, so they used pine sticks with sulfur on the ends to get it going. However, this source also says there was no evidence of them in Europe before 1530.

Some antiwar protesters, including Cindy Sheehan’s sister, were arrested outside Bush’s Craword palace. The charge was trespassing, since tents and the like were banned at some point due to “health and safety” concerns. That’s some lackluster news right there.

Far from lackluster, the Japanese invented a handjob machine! It resembles a Kitchen Aid blender, and has two attachments from what I can see. Christ, for a few people I know, all you’d need to add is an IV, a colostomy bag, and a TV remote… they’d never leave the house.

Holy fucking yo-yos. Check out this video of the 2005 Duncan World Yo-Yo Contest. I guess this must be the winner in action. With the video quality, the music, and the guy’s outfit, it looks like it was the 1988 contest. Also, note the one guy near to the camera who keeps saying “whooaa! whoOOOAAAH WHOOAAA!” This is some serious yo-yo action! How in the fuck…

Now I really want to chop up a spare bike into something outrageous. Look at this gallery of custom bikes! Dig this woody, for example. This stacked bike is pretty amazing. Also, scooter!

Oh! I almost forgot… here’s a video of climber Dan Osman climbing this sheer cliff wall, with no ropes, in just over 4 minutes. Incredible! Apparently this fella died back in 1998 doing some kind of bungee jumping.

Maaaan, who saw that Flames game last night?! Oh yeah, just me. Well, it went to a shootout, and we took down the Avalanche with superior goaltending and some fine shooting. Go Flames Go!

Alright Bushie-poo, are you going to listen now? Iraqi factions are calling for a timetable for foreign troup withdrawl. They fully recognized and condemned the terrorist activities throughout Iraq, but also “broadly acknowledged a general right to resist foreign occupation.” So, let’s see… the American people want a withdrawl, the Iraqi people want a withdrawl… that leaves… big oil still not wanting a withdrawl! Of course, Father Cheney will probably still dismiss their desires as unfounded and premature. However, we can still be glad that Iraqis finally opted to express their disapproval… and it’s one more thing the pro-withdrawl contingency can rub in the faces of those claiming a timetable for withdrawl would be seen as a sign of “weakness” (or whatever the fuck pathetic excuse it was they had). Whoever let these macho men with inferiority complexes back into office anyway? Oh yeah, Diebold.. that’s right.

Speaking of Papa Cheney, someone over at CNN played a pretty funny trick on him yesterday during a live broadcast. A big black ‘X’ appeared on the screen, covering Cheney’s mug. The caption below featured a quote from Cheney: “I do not believe it is wrong to criticize.” CNN says that it was a technical error and was unintentional, but I say it was someone understandably disgusted by Cheney’s ugly-ass face. Or, even more understandably, disgusted by his policies. (Optional tinfoil hat theory: AL QAEDA!!!)

While we’re talking news broadcasts, what do you think it would have been like if FOX News had been around for all of history? Here’s a photoshop contest where that was the topic.

A 15-year-old boy in Nepal is being called the new Buddha, though if you ask him, he’s not nearly there yet. Fasting for the last six months (?!), Ram Bomjon has sat under a pipal tree in quiet meditation. Many have pilgramiged to the remote jungle location to visit him, and some claim that a light has emitted from his forehead. Now, I wholeheartedly believe that meditation is very powerful, but I will probably always have a hard time swallowing “miracles” like that. The boy asks people not to call him a Buddha, saying that he does not have the Buddha’s energy. Still, more and more people are arriving, and the jungle location is looking more and more urban.

Houseblinger.com? Come on now.

It’s Monday again, but I can smell the turkey already. Those of us in the education field happen to have a 2-day work week… not to rub it in or anything. So, 1/4 of my week is over already.

I have never been much of a consumerist when it comes to Christmas time and all the shopping madness, but this year I think I may venture out on Black Friday and try to nab some deals. Some preliminary reports tell me that a couple of computer/electronic stores around here will be selling 512mb USB drives for $10! Also, I’ve heard tales of $30 Sirius radio kits and a $25 deep fryer (since Kenny took his with him). The moment I witness two moms colliding in pursuit of some toy, I will empty my hands and walk away. I promise.

The (insignificant) story on everyone’s lips today seems to be Bush’s foiled attempt to escape Chinese reporters. After fielding a couple of “tough” questions, Bush made his way towards the door. It gets funny when he realizes the door is locked, turns, and gives the most confused look I think I’ve ever seen him deliver. He then says “I was trying to escape,” and someone shows him the right way out. Here’s a video, courtesy of the BBC.

You may also want to listen to this week’s Presidential Radio address on The Onion. Bonus: you’ll find out who’s to blame for all the false intelligence reports leading up to the war!

Cleveland, Ohio - #12 most dangerous city. I think we all owe ourselves a pat on the back for this one. Things were looking bleak mid-season, but the senseless bar shooting over on Denison and the lady killed by a delivery truck by Dimitri’s Family Restaurant may have pushed us up a few slots. Congratulations, people.

Here’s a very interesting story about a 75-year-old jewel thief, who’s (obviously) now retired. She had a good run.

This thing is kinda fun. Try it out.

Google through the ages. My favorite is the Mondrian one. I don’t know when it appeared, but I actually read a lot about him on that day.

America: Torture, Inc. Baghdad Burning talks about recently discovered ‘torture houses’, and an Admiral and former Director of the CIA says that Cheney is pro-torture. Gee, I wonder why Bush is threatening to veto a bill that would outright ban torture? At this point, the only demographic that could possibly be pleased with the behavior of this administration are insane, right-wing militia groups with mottos like: “kill ‘em all” and “bombs are sexy”.

Talk about the boy who cried wolf… now the Pentagon says that the white phosphorus “may have killed” civilians in Iraq. Okay, so first they denied using it. When proof smacked them upside the head, they admitted using it, but said they only used it on enemy combatants. Finally, we get a shred of truth… but how the fuck are we supposed to swallow the constant stream of misinformation flowing forth from these guys? Without proof to the contrary of their statements, we may as well just assume the opposite of what they say is always true!

The Fired Up! network of bloggers were deemed ‘journalists’ by the FEC. This is really a major breakthrough for bloggists across the blogosphericus maximus. Blog. Blog blog. Back on topic, I’m now considered a journalist. Eat my journalistic feces, baby!!! (Yes, I bring shame upon everyone who has earned that title.)

Poor Kazakhstan. If you’ve ever seen Da Ali G show on HBO, you may remember a character on there called ‘Borat’, who claims to be from Kazakhstan. Obviously, it’s just Ali G, but the customs and rituals he often mentions are very offensive to actual Kazakhstanis. I honestly don’t know how I feel about this. On one hand, I think Ali G just picked the most obscure country of origin for his character, in order to minimize the chance of being called a fraud. As the linked article points out, he claims their wine is made from fermented horse urine, and that women are kept in cages. So on the other hand, you have a lovely country that people know very little about, feeling completely misrepresented. I feel so conflicted, I may just have to travel to Kazakhstan to get over it. (I just did a price check… only $1800!)

30 facts about Chuck Norris you might not have known!

How to make an asphalt mosaic. Cool!

SomethingAwful’s Photoshop Phriday is ‘Rejected Condom Brands’. Most people used a Trojon box, but some of these are really great.

I’m told this will automatically post a picture to my blog… So let’s see! If it works, then you’ll see a very boring picture of my desk, featuring a cookies & mint hershey bar.

Senate pushes for speedier handover in Iraq. There are alleged “stirrings” of a Republican revolt against Bush’s giant mistake. In the middle of the article, there is mention of whether or not we will succeed in Iraq. At what point could you even call this operation a success? It is a tremendous failure from any perspective, especially considering the unbelievable amount of civilians killed. No matter what, conflict wasn’t appropriate in the first place, so not only have we already lost, but so have the Iraqis.

The Pentagon confirmed the use of white phosphorous, even as an incendiary weapon. They explained that while they used them against “enemy combatants”, they did not use them on civilians. Yeah, because we all know how skilled our military is at distinguishing between the two. I’m not even going to say they should be skilled at determining who’s fighting and who’s not, but please don’t try to bullshit us into thinking no civilians were hurt or killed by this stuff.

Todd Chretien spits back at Bill O’Reilly for his recent comments about San Francisco. Of course, we’re already aware of Bill’s impressive hypocrisy. I still enjoyed the article.

What the hell is this? Someone receives a DVD with interrogation room video on it, and he’s trying to figure out who it is, where it took place, etc. Just plain weird.

What would it look like if you combined every Playboy centerfold image from 1988-1997? This.

Animal Planet reality show to put bear, antelope, hawk, cheetah in same house.

133 dead as Delta cancels flight in midair.