Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Exxon Mobil.
Exxon Mobil, who?
How’s my dick feel in your ass?
The most profitable year on record for any US company in US history.
Sweet jumping Jesus… Lindsay Lohan cut her leg!!! This report could not be more confusing. She’s stepping out of the shower, with a teacup? and she slips, drops the glass, and manages to slice open her leg. The injury required 10 stitches. Clearly, the entire world is riveted to their televisions in anticipation of even the slightest update in her condition. Oh wait, her PR rep says she’s fine.
A new video of hostage Jill Carroll has surfaced, but.. am I getting this right… Al Jazeera didn’t air the sound? More importantly, if we don’t negotiate with terrorists and hijackers, then why is anyone buying the notion that “we’re doing all we can” in this matter? It seems like her only hope is for her captors to realize that she’s helping to relay the concerns of the Iraqi public to the occupying country, and that’s a valuable service.
A recent poll suggests that over half of Iraqis support attacks against American troops. 80 percent believe the US will be installing permanent military bases in Iraq, despite statements to the contrary. 70 percent favor setting a timetable for withdrawl. There’s a State of the Union speech fast approaching, and how much do you want to bet that these concerns will go completely ignored?
A Smart-Ass’ Guide to the USA. This is really pretty durn funny. My favorites are Oregon and Utah… but Ohio’s is pretty much right on. (It features the lesser-known variety of homo-sapien: the Buffet Yeti.)
Onion interviews Stephen Colbert. Eh, pretty interesting. I checked out his new show last night… it was actually pretty damn good.
Remember the Jell-O San Francisco exhibit? Well, apparently pictures and video will be on display soon in SFO. I guess the artist never really did create an entire cityscape out of Jell-O; there were background paintings and other illusions to make it look like an actual landscape.
The 30 most-spoken languages. I don’t know… maybe you’re interested in this sort of thing. Make a game out of it - guess the first 5 and see how close you get. I got the first two, but I bet you screw up #5.
About that unprecedented shit. Fake. Art. See?: “I guess for me it didn’t seem necessary to actually have done the thing. Today you don’t really have to do anything.”
Got lots to do… here we go.
Republicans are calling for Bush to reveal any and all information related to Abramoff. Fair enough!
A scientists studying climate changes claims that the Bush administration tried to silence him. Those tricky bastards.
Law Enforcement Against Prohibition. Cops and the like speak out against the War on Drugs.
Freaky lookin’ kids from vintage advertisements.
Finally, a first glimpse of the face transplant patient! Other than the fact they gave her Richard Nixon’s jowels, that looks pretty good!
The world’s longest poop? Yeah, probably. (Put down the sandwich first.)
Create some Indian music. I really want to play with this… I’m saving the link for later!
Home video montage of people getting hit in the face with balls of various types. Why was someone throwing a ball at a wedding??
Yay, it’s Friday! I’d like everyone to know that Ev alleges he’ll be updating Hollywood Lanes today. Bot, Ev, and I went bowling last night and he took plenty of pictures, so we’ll see. I had a pretty good second game.. I think it was like 164 or something, but Bot was working on his curve, and Ev was suffering from “glued-down pin syndrome”. All in all, it was a lovely evening.
Bush said yesterday he does not know Jack Abramoff. Alright, I held out for quite some time before writing about Abramoff, which is a lot more than most leftist bloggers could probably say for themselves. However, Bush’s comment was just so preposterous and bald-faced that I had to call him on it. You don’t know a man that contributed $100,000 to your campaign? And you won’t release pictures of he and you together because of concerns they’ll be used for “political purposes”?? Well, jerkface, you are a politician. Face the music.
Scientists have found that politically-biased people’s brains shut down the reasoning portion of their brains when hearing statements discordant with their beliefs. This is right on the border of being a scientific study I could’ve predicted the results of. It’s pretty obvious that Bush is able to ignore not just opposing views, but even reality itself, when making decisions. That alone is enough evidence for me.
Want to wipe your ass with Condi’s face? Me too. Pick up some political toilet paper in Russia or the Ukraine. You know, next time you’re passing through.
Cleveland’s Innerbelt expansion project has made a wise decision - to route the new bridge north of the existing one, rather than take down Sokolowski’s and interfere with the Greek Orthodox church. The majority of concerned residents are happy with the change of plans, but a few unfortunate folks are probably still pissy. You know, just north of the Innerbelt on Abby is pretty damn ugly anyway. You should’ve been considering a move long ago.
Could it be? Scientists have developed a bird flu vaccine that’s been 100% effective in mice and chickens. Sure would be nice if this worked on humans, too.
Hamas has won the Palestinian election. If you’ll recall, the EU and the USA pretty much unanimously regard Hamas as a terrorist organization. In Palestine, however, people have always insisted it was a legitimate party. I guess the Palestinians were right. This will no doubt be upsetting to the neoconservative contingency, who are largely pro-Israel, mostly because they like how the Star of David looks. Once again, I find myself scanning the globe for a more appropriate place for Israel to move to. Arkansas is wide open. Russia’s got a lot of spare land. I imagine Brazil could spare a couple thousand acres.
Cleveland’s leaders are questioning the effectiveness of the red-light cameras installed around the city. Specifically, Councilman Kevin Conwell is wondering why 97 percent of the tickets issued so far were at E. 71st and Chester. This phenomenon falls right in line with one of my traffic plans for Cleveland, that I came up with long before red-light cameras were an issue. Chester should have a 45mph speed limit, and at LEAST 8-10 lights should be removed from the stretch between E. 55th and University Circle. The side streets over there hardly have any traffic, and everyone’s going over 40 anyway. There’s even turning lanes for most every side street. The fact that they chose to slap a red-light camera right in the middle of that stretch is completely asinine. Instead of trying to enforce a poorly-created plan, they need to accept reality and try to make the drive easier on everyone.
Variations of Dr. Pepper. My my, I had no idea there were so many! My favorites are Dr. Publix and Doc Holiday.
Well well, it’s Wednesday. Whaddya know.
I’m not getting my hopes up… actually, almost no one is getting their hopes up… but there are rumors that a coalition in Congress is being formed to impeach Bush. Al Gore’s been making some pretty sensible comments about Bush’s wiretap scandal involvement: “Stop going along to get along. Start acting like the independent and co-equal branch of American government that you are supposed to be under the constitution of our country.” Well right on there, Al.
For some reason, every news agency and even Drudge are all making a big stink about Google’s decision to censor results in China. It’s 9:15am and I’m already sick of this story. China’s government censors a great deal of the Internet for their population, and has been doing so for quite a while. My friend JLove, who’s lived there for over 4 years now, has never seen this blog, nor has he seen my band’s website. Both are censored and inaccessible. Google is simply abiding by the (admittedly overbearing) rules implemented by the Chinese government. End of story! Who cares?!!
The Bush administration has blocked a Senate inquiry into the government’s response to Katrina. Boy, that sounds familiar, doesn’t it? I’m pretty sure they did that with 9/11, the lead-up to the war, and with every other inquiry including “Hey Bush, how’s your dog doin’?” to which the President replied “FUCK YOU BUDDY! You have no right to question the President’s dog!”
Scientists have determined what HIV looks like in 3D. Why? Well, just in case you find yourself in a situation similar to Dennis Quaid’s dilemma in Innerspace, and you need help identifying hostile cells. With the way technology’s advancing these days, you never know when you might be shrunk down to a molecular scale to carry out a mission in someone’s body. Am I right?
On the topic of future technology - is this a flying car?!?! Sure is suspicious.
This is gonna be quick - I’ve got a wicked headache.
Some EU countries knew about rendition flights.
Canadians have elected a conservative Prime Minister. Hey, how can you blame them when things are going so well for the country just to the south of them?
Rice to Iran: put up yer dukes. Condi is tired of talking with Iran about the nuclear issue. She wants to refer them to the UN Security Council. At least she’s showing signs of following UN practices this time around. She insists everyone’s working for a diplomatic solution, but also says that “Georgie loves his bombs.”
All I’ve really heard about today is Ford cutting jobs. 30,000 to be precise. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s almost 1/4 of their North American workforce. I believe they could benefit from reading the article I posted yesterday. The could also benefit from firing their entire design team.
Bush is really showing his anti-abortion side these days, now that he’s almost got his Royal Court in order. Soon he’ll be able to eradicate such pesky issues as teaching evolution in schools and women’s suffrage. That’s right ladies - you’ll no longer be allowed to vote once Bush assumes his throne. The big question on everyone’s minds is what fear-inducing symbol will Bush use in place of his mentor’s swastika? Will it be the Star of David? The almighty cross? Yeah, probably the cross.
This story keeps getting buried, but it has always interested me - hacking the electronic vote. A security expert wrote just FIVE lines of visual basic code to grant himself access to manipulate votes. Now that’s security. He demonstrated actual vote manipulation as well.
Wanna play some Commodore 64 games? Me too, but I’m busy.
Take a look at some of the buildings made famous by movies and television. Semi-fascinating.
I thought y’all might like to see a Photoshop I did for a SomethingAwful thread:
The thread is, obviously, just plastering Gary Coleman’s face onto other people. Some are definitely better than this, but hey.
There was a column printed in yesterday’s Plain Dealer that a friend told me to check out - and here it is… The New ‘Sputnik’ Challenges: They All Run On Oil, by Thomas Friedman. He’s written some well-known books recently, none of which I’ve read, but I think this article is very poignant. He talks about the way Americans these days seem to think we are entitled to a rock-solid economy, when nothing could be further from the truth. The rest of the world is adapting to the new challenges we face, while we’re trying to preserve the tradition of the gas-guzzling vehicle. (By the way, the link goes to a blog because the original story was in the NY Times, and you’d have to jump through hoops to read it.)
What’s up with Bush always going on “speech tours” to promote his latest breach of our Constitution? This time he’s literally promoting his wiretap program - a scandal that should leave him impeached if not imprisoned, and here he is telling us that it’s necessary. Don’t get me wrong… this doesn’t surprise me one bit, nor will it surprise me when this blows over like every other scandal he’s been implicated in. It does piss me off a little though. That I’m sure of.
Disco may never make a comeback. Bellbottoms, big and wide like they once were, show no signs of returning to popularity. The Macarena, thank the lord, has faded into obscurity. But baby, Mad Cow is back.
Pirates Ho!! Yarr, and there be the ship!
UFO? I don’t know, but watch the video as a strange orb of light seems to explode and rain down in pieces. Could be a meteor or something.
