Hey I found the prototype of Honda’s ASIMO robot. I told you it was just a kid a in robot suit.
Here’s your new Miss America RDS. It’s Miss Oklahoma. She’s pretty hawt. I don’t like her platform issue, though.
So, Mr. Bin Laden didn’t die of kidney failure afterall? Or was this tape made a long time ago? Whatever the case may be, there’s a new tape out where Bin Laden attempts to claim responsibility for anything bad that’s happened since you last heard from him. “You know that really trying bowel movement you had last weekend? That wasn’t because you had too much cheese, it was ME.” This BBC article makes his mention of a truce more prominent. It seems like he’d be willing to call a truce if our forces left Afghanistan AND Iraq, at which point they would have the opportunity to rebuild. Considering that a lot of people deem him just a figurehead, I don’t think calling a truce with a group of unorganized militants is going to work out.
Japan’s agriculture minister has called for another all-out ban on US beef imports, thanks to some of our fine, fine mad cow. They allegedly inspected some beef that appeared to contain material that was at-risk for transmitting mad cow. Especially alarming were the accounts of a beheaded, already skinned side of beef rising up and walking in circles. Ok, you got me. This story was just too boring on its own.
Google is refusing to allow government access to its search records, but AOL, MSN and Yahoo! have already said yes. Why am I not suprised? Looking closer, one has to wonder what the hell they think they’re going to unearth with the records they’re asking for. Read this article for details.
Soul legend Wilson Pickett has passed on. He’s famous for “Mustang Sally” and “In The Midnight Hour” among others. He died of a heart attack at the age of 64. RIP Wilson.
The top 100 most annoying things of 2005. Most of these I get, but what’s wrong with “Mrs. Butterworth’s Syrup Bottles”??? I happen to be a close friend of Mrs. Butterworth, and I can assure you, she’s a freakin’ saint.
A man buried his 1997 BMW in hopes of collecting from his insurance company. That’s not how it worked out though, did it? Nope, authorities were able to find the car, and now he’s going to spend a year in prison. It was probably all that alcohol-induced bragging about having operated a backhoe that did it.
The feds are trying to obtain Google’s search records, and Google ain’t havin’ it. Everyone who has at one time been even remotely concerned about their privacy is all over this case. I’m not following exactly how the government is justifying their intrusion, but it has something to do with protecting minors from finding porn. This is another case where I have to say people are refusing to accept reality - something that I detest. The reality being that kids (and adults) can probably find whatever they’re looking for on the internet, and there’s no way to prevent that without government content-blocking, which absolutely no one would advocate, except perhaps Bush himself. Especially since he still thinks there’s more than one “Internet.”
The parents of the captured journalist in Iraq are pleading with her captors for her release. I’m a little concerned at this point because of the whole “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” approach the US usually has in these cases. Plus, the press secretaries who usually comment on things like this will bullshit and placate until they’re blue in the face. The other really sad aspect to this is that she has been an ally to most every Iraqi she’s ever met, and if anything, is helping to convey their concerns during this occupation.
The jackasses that planted a finger in their Wendy’s chili were sentenced to 12 years in jail. I think life sentences would have been more appropriate. Possibly a firing squad execution. The franchise lost about $2.5 million in sales, and they also lost the opportunity to sell me chili during a rare visit to one of their establishments. A few years ago, when I was a semi-regular fast food eater, I used to frequently dine on their chili - and Wendy’s was always one of my favorite places because of the spicy chicken sandwich. I’m sure you all care deeply about this.
France would like terrorists to know: you fuck with us and we’ll nuke your home country. Pretty ballsy for a country that’s usually thought to be quite passive. I wonder what the “kill ‘em all - let god sort ‘em out” redneck contingency here in the US would have to say about that. Because you know they hate the French… what with their delicious foods and robust culture. Okay, frogs and snails I can live without, but still.
The first thing I heard on the radio when I woke up this morning was a story about a hamster and snake that are friends. The hamster was actually supposed to be food for the snake, but somehow they became friends. This is at a zoo in Japan, and the hamster was given the name “Gohan” which means “meal”. Here they are together! Awww. This is the kind of thing they report last on the nightly news in hopes that your dreams won’t regularly contain images of soliders dying and genocide in Africa.
So, you just ate some disgusting-ass cookie dough ice cream, and you spit out all the dough chunks. Obviously this situation begs the question: can I now make cookies with this shit? The answer… well, see for yourself.
Tony Danza reads Chuck Norris some of the “facts” about him on TV! The audio/video sync is so fucked up you may shoot yourself in the face. I’d probably just close my eyes and listen to it, because this was just some asshat who actually filmed his TV screen with a camcorder.
Somehow I stumbled onto this page about Billy Mays - the guy who has backed every innovation in cleaning products since OxyClean. To be fair, this site really isn’t even about him, it just features several hideous MS Paint-created bastardizations of his face. Weird.
I wasn’t a big fan of the Man Show per se, but this is freakin’ heee-larious.
I may have mentioned this before, but the bay area craigslist remains a vibrant showcase of the freakish excesses of neoliberal postindustrialism. Check out this want ad for a caretaker, which by my estimation has been online for over three months. It’s not hard to see why.
A poster on SomethingAwful just made the astute observation that this year’s Miss America is filled with a bunch of uglies! Seriously, I looked through the whole lot and there are less than 10 that I consider attractive. Unrealistic standards aside, everyone seems to be agreeing - these women are nowhere near the best their state has to offer.
That said, the whole pageant sucks anyway and I don’t give a shit.
The US journalist whose interpreter was killed (the one Riverbend wrote about) is currently being held captive. Her captors have threatened to kill her if the US does not free Iraqi women prisoners within 72 hours. The State department says they’ll make “every effort” to get her home safe. Well guys, you’ve got 72 hours. No, less than that. Perhaps a beloved American celebrity should travel to Iraq with the secret intention of getting his/herself kidnapped - and the kidnappers’ demand should be immediate withdrawl of all foreign forces. Who would it be though?
Speaking of Riverbend, Baghdad Burning has been updated. She mostly talks about rebuilding Iraq and what a task it is.
Howard Stern admits he has had 2 plastic surgery operations. On the show, they were planning to each have “revelations” once they got to Sirius, and they even ran them by one impartial judge who determined if the secrets were heavy enough to make the cut. Howard has had a minor nose surgery and liposuction under his chin. No biggie. I wonder what the other folks will reveal.
I don’t know what this article is trying to say - More homeless may seek shelter at Hopkins Airport. It says that, since most areas of downtown aren’t allowing homeless folks to sleep there, they may use the airport and blend in to the crowds sleeping around the facility. So? Are you expecting us to get upset? To be proud of their ingenuity? To rat them out when one of them accidentally bumps your Starbucks mocha latte? Personally, I’m glad they won’t be chased out of a facility as accomodatingly large as our airport. And I’ll be damned impressed if they can figure out how to assume a comfortable position on those fucking chairs they have. God dammit.
Top Selling Educational Baby DVDs. #2 almost made me load ‘em. (by “‘em” I mean pants and by “load” I mean crap.)
A caricaturist drew the burgular who had just broken into his home, and police actually caught the guy fifteen minutes later! This just goes to show, no matter how much you want to deny the exaggerated facial features they depict, they’re on to you. They’ve found your sore spot. Jerks.
A guy driving a stolen SUV crashed while doing 118mph IN THE FLATS. You know, they really need to assess their reporting staff over at WKYC. He could have reached 118 on Jennings, on a closed race track, or on the fucking moon for all we know. Instead, they try to make it seem like he hit 118 on a road that doesn’t even have a mile-long straightaway. This shit isn’t even worth sensationalizing. Come on now. I myself have broken 120 on Jennings whilst racing a Toyota Celica GT that thought he was hot shit. So there!
Interesting gallery of Pool Hustlers in Queens. I thought there would be more to the story, but the pictures are really well shot.
Hello there. It was enjoyable MLK weekend, mostly spent playing POKER of all things! Harry and I started getting pretty competitive, though just with chips mind you. Yesterday he had a major streak in the afternoon, which was halted by one round of aggressive betting. The rest of the night I was in the lead. We made some homemade pizza - spinach, mushroom, tomato & garlic. Also, we bought some cheap felt and converted my coffee table into a half-assed poker table. Then I spilled beer on it. Oh well.
Al Gore is calling for Bush’s involvement in the wiretap scandal to be investigated. What a novel idea! Accountability, you say? Why, I never would have thought of that! Check out the quote from the RNC member. Sheesh!
Here’s an attempt at determining Bush’s nationwide approval rating. About 56% disapprove of the job he’s doing. It’s interesting to see how some states have changed their minds since the election.
Apparently the AlterNet article about how 20 & 30-somethings are having trouble getting ahead caught the attention of a whole lot of people. Some are reporting similar troubles, and of course, some are reporting no trouble at all.
The leader of the Liberal and Democratic Party in Russia on Condi: “Condoleezza Rice is a very cruel woman, offended by a lack of attention from men.” Damn, this is some impressively harsh criticism! “Even if she had an entire selection of men to choose from, she would remain single because her soul and heart have hardened.”
Pictures from the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. You can click on the region you want to check out.
Someone is creating a giant AT-AT model from the frame of an old, dilapidated building. I wonder how detailed it will be - or if it will just be the shape.
A Satanist is running for governor of Minnesota. He says he represents the vampire, witch, and pagan population, and moreover, he’s not embarassed to wield a sword.
That ASIMO robot is even more impressive than I thought! Check out this video of him walking around and stuff. Well, mostly walking and walking faster.
With MLK day fast approaching, Al Sharpton reminded Dartmouth students that whatever comes out of Bush’s mouth on Monday will likely be unsympathetic bullshit. “He has stood against everything Dr. King represented and is probably the most renowned Dr. King dream-buster that we’ve seen in the last 20 years.” Well put.
A journalist and her interpreter were killed in Iraq recently, and Riverbend’s latest post is in rememberence of the interpreter - the owner of a music shop in Baghdad.
I’m contemplating having a feature on my blog called Why Is This News? - and here’s a preliminary installment. Brad Pitt did not call Jennifer Aniston to inform her that he and Angelina Jolie are having a baby. First off, is it standard protocol to call up your ex’s and let them all know “Hey, I’m having a baby.”?? I seriously doubt it. Secondly, don’t you think Jennifer would have figured it out after, oh, I don’t know, 10 million news sources printed articles about it? So, for anyone who became giddy upon reading that headline, I’d like to ask you to step outside for a moment and take a few deep breaths of air. Enjoy YOUR reality, for just a moment. There. In the future, try to give less consideration to the lives of people you will never meet, and focus a little more on your own situation.
Did someone from China discover America before Christopher Columbus? Who gives a fuck, since there were Native Americans there anyway? Not I. However, if you happen to care about such things, this may be an interesting read.
Excuse me, waiter? I thought I ordered the neon green pork sandwich. This is just regular old pork. Scientists have created glow-in-the-dark pigs for genetic research - specifically to track the way DNA is distributed amongst a population. Interesting approach!
For those of you who aren’t still wetting the bed due to cyclops kitten nightmares, here’s a cute R.I.P. painting of “Cy”. You did know he died already, right?
Sweet bicycle tool from Bell for only $7.99 @ Amazon.
I think I posted a random Garfield comic strip generator once before on here, but this one gives you a little more control. I don’t know why these are so damn funny! I may post some this afternoon if I come up with some really great ones.
Something Awful’s Photoshop Phriday is Monsters Attack!
The US Army: practicing cultural ignorance, moralistic self-righteousness, unproductive micromanagement and unwarranted optimism in Iraq. This description of our troops came from a British Brigadier who was helping to train Iraqi soliders. His criticisms were published in a US Army publication, of all places, where he also stated American soliders displayed such “cultural insensitivity” that it “arguably amounted to institutional racism.” Not to be outdone, a US Colonel responded by calling him “an insufferable British snob.” Well. You told him! Especially by clarifying his country-of-origin… that completely counters his attack!
Pat Robertson may finally face a consequence for one of his patented outlandish statements. His recent comments about Ariel Sharon prompted Israel to back out of a $50 million proposed theme park. It would have been called Galilee World Heritage Park, and I’m certain it’d have featured a great deal of misinformation and men walking hand in hand with dinosaurs. What a shame we won’t get to see that.
If you’ve been following the confirmation hearing of Judge Alito, and you haven’t yet ripped your ears clean off of your head, you may have noticed that Alito’s wife left the courtroom yesterday in tears. No one is certain why she was crying, but I’m speculating she was upset that her husband’s plans to overturn Roe v. Wade may be uncovered before the hearing is over.
A pregnant woman pulled over in the carpool lane says she had the right to use the lane because her baby counts as a second person. Alright, maybe the law didn’t define that, and congratulations to you for pointing that out. However, let’s not be a fuckin’ smart ass, eh? Carpool lanes exist to promote having fewer cars on the road, and you weren’t contributing to that cause one bit, lady. Thankfully, the judge ruled that unborn children don’t count as occupants.
This still hasn’t worked for me, but here’s a flash program where you tap on your spacebar to the beat of a song, and it’s supposed to identify the song. The Song Tapper. Look, if you can’t get China Grove, then just shut down the site and start over.
Here’s a little primer on hockey’s new rules. (Onion)
Someone made Bag End in dollhouse form. Wow, this must’ve taken forever.
High speed photography of things blowing up and getting smashed. Wheeeee!
Ahh the prejudice map. Helping you understand the world since… today. If both Canadians and Germans are known for liking beer, where the heck is vodka under Russia’s list?
