The NSA was spying on a Baltimore-based peace group. How off-base and misguided could they be?? They were literally snooping around in search of weapons of mass destruction. Within a peace group. An antiwar group. You could explain this to a 12-year-old and even they would think the NSA is completely clueless. Your tax money at work, folks.

The NSA whistleblower I wrote about last week sometime has come forth with some startling information. He says the technology already exists to isolate a single word in a phone conversation, and single that call out for later examination. We’re not talking about searching a handful of calls either - he says every single domestic and international call can be monitored through their switching stations. Astonishing. That makes me want to have a phone call consisting of nothing but the fake-Arabic jibberish spoken in Team America: World Police… you know, “Dakka dakka! Jihad bakka dakka!” .. just to know some g-man is scrambling for a translator in some secret office.

The North Star? Yeah, that’s actually 3 stars. What a let down!

Cough syrup? Total crock of shit. This falls under the ever-expanding category of science findings I could’ve just told you off the top of my head.

You may recall the German man who killed another man whose desire was to be killed and eaten. He may be re-sentenced due to the perverse nature of his crime. I wouldn’t bring this story back up, but it’s Bot’s favorite example of how Germans are on the cutting edge of twisted, sick pornography.

On the topic of “nasty” - here is a photoset of people seeing goatse for the first time. If you don’t know what goatse is… well, I suppose you would only be further intrigued by the photos. A simple Google Image search should turn up the notorious image. Having spent a great deal of time on SomethingAwful, I was exposed to goatse quite a long time ago… and I have to say, the linked gallery is hilarious. (It also features Ron Jeremy.)

It was really only a matter of time before Chuck Norris heard about the “facts” about him that are circulating the internet. Here is his response. Pretty lackluster. He just wants to sell books.

Need a 6-quart stock pot? Well shoot, how about this one? Damn good deal.

Last night I was sleepily flipping through channels when my dude Cornel West popped up on the screen. A couple seconds later, I realized I’m watching FOX News, specifically Hannity & Colmes. For those of you who have never had the privelage of seeing this show, Colmes is the supposed liberal angle, while Hannity is an O’Reilly-protege conservative. Anyway, they were discussing Harry Belafonte’s comment about Bush being the greatest terrorist in the world, specifically that Cornel was with Belafonte as part of the envoy that traveled to Venezuela. The questioning began, and oh how I cringed. It was an all-out assault, arguing that Belafonte’s comment was so polarized that it voided the entire mission. Cornel was straying into the land of truth and logic, saying that while he wouldn’t have used that language, he would always support free speech. He tried to explain how someone could arrive at such a conclusion, all while they attempted to reel him back into sensationalizing that one solitary statement. Bless your heart, Cornel, for even giving them the opportunity to open their minds to a differing opinion. Sadly, in the end they had painted West as a loon, and Hannity was practically frothing at the mouth, screaming that America is infallible and perfect. I’m sure a great deal of servile, nationalistic rednecks stood up and threw their cans of Busch down on the floor to salute him - but all I could do was shake my head in disbelief. If this is productive discourse - unbiased, non-partisan discussion - then I’m the freakin’ pope.

The Iraq war may end up costing $2.6 TRILLION dollars. Prior to the conflict, the White House budget director thought $100-200 billion was a very, very high estimate. I don’t really need to rant about this… it’s just utterly deplorable all around.

Is Osama dead? According to this article, an Iranian publication says so. He allegedly died of kidney failure back in December. Somethin’ to think about.

HOLY SHIT!

Come and see the formerly-pristine arctic, my friends… the land where some polar bears have now become hermaphrodites, and global warming threatens to destroy their habitat. Thanks to chemicals that reduce the risk of our couches catching on fire, researchers are finding hermaphroditic polar bears. Great.

I’ve always thought diamond rings were a rather senseless and frivolous tradition. I see no reason to squander a small fortune on what amounts to a hand decoration, just because it’s an accepted practice. Well, here’s a list of 10 reasons why you shouldn’t accept a diamond - and most of these are far more valid concerns than the monetary component.

Can spacecraft really make a jump to “hyperspace”? You know, like the Millenium Falcon. Apparently it’s in the works… sorta.

Just like the local news, I’ve saved the most heartwarming story for last. A 5-year-old boy accidentally got drunk at Applebee’s. His parents thought he had apple juice, but it was actually a long island iced tea. That is friggin’ hilarious!!! Of course, the parents are the uptight, greedy type - and are demanding $75,000 for, um… yeah, why are they demanding that money?

I don’t know how they did this, but it sure looks cool.

Sure, you’ve had sushi before. But did you really understand the complexities and customs involved in the sushi bar? Doubtful. This video should help clear things up.

‘Twas Ev’s birthday yesterday, and here is the cake.

A very tasty cake indeed. Ev invented a new cutting method as well, which involved cutting slices around a center cylinder, and then removing the cylinder first. The cake was screaming in agony, but the end result was deliciousness. After a hard night of eating and drinking, there was only one thing left to do: go bowling. We chose Brookgate Lanes for its proximity to us, but it sure wasn’t the place some of us remembered from bowling club. We had to be distanced from league players by TWO lanes, which meant six of us were sharing a ball return with Chacho McBush and his girlfriend Tanning Bed Marie. Thankfully, they left us after a few frames and we were able to concentrate on our games. I bowled an 85.

Everyone’s talkin’ about Google’s upcoming announcement, which is now said to be promoting something called ‘Google Pack’ that bundles together all of their programs, and perhaps Google Music as well - which I haven’t read about yet. No matter how you slice it, this is a let down for anyone thinking something cool was coming out today.

Once again, Pat Robertson has simultaneously proven his insanity and insulted people. He is claiming that the massive stroke Ariel Sharon suffered was God’s wrath for giving up his land. Hm. Seems logical enough. Just about a year ago he prayed with Sharon, calling him a “very tender-hearted man and a good friend.” This news comes at a time when surgeons are trying to keep him alive, although they say that he has already suffered permanent brain damage. All of this leads me to believe that God doesn’t like when I drink beer and eat ice cream in the same night - because it feels like his wrath might be inside my gut this morning.

Futurama coming back? Maybe.

The second chord has begun to be played in the performance of a classical piece that will last 639 YEARS. Yes, you read that correctly - 639 years. They began the piece, written by John Cage, just six days before 9/11, though the first year and a half is written as complete silence. The first chord was struck on February 2, 2003. It is scheduled to complete in 2639, and is being conducted in an abandoned church in eastern Germany. Man, that’s amazing.

Check out this art. Do it.

Man, is it really Thursday already? I guess having Monday off will do that to ya. Last night I learned how to play Texas Hold ‘Em, courtesy of Harry. A little behind the times, eh? Well let me tell you, after just a few hands I was losing like a pro. Had we been playing with actual money, I’d be getting slapped by some mob boss in a basement somewhere, instead of writing this.

Bush finally agrees to reduce troop levels in Iraq, but once you look at the numbers, all that’s really happening is we’re getting back down to where we were prior to the last increase. Fantastic. Riverbend updated Baghdad Burning, and has some things to say regarding the gasoline situation in Iraq. In summary, she says: I guess the Iraqis who thought the US was going to turn Iraq into another America weren’t really far from the mark - we too now enjoy inane leaders, shady elections, a shaky economy, large-scale unemployment and soaring gas prices.

Letterman to Bill O’Reilly: I have the feeling that about 60 percent of what you say is crap. Dave responded to Bill’s criticism of Cindy Sheehan as well as his calls to stop calling Bush a liar. Sorry Bill, some people call it like they see it.

Oh man, THIS is rich. Cheney said yesterday that, had the NSA been doing the same illegal eavesdropping as they have been, 9/11 may have been prevented. You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me. A former NSA agent turned whistleblower plans to testify about the illegal activities carried out while he was working for them.

Ariel Sharon is just barely hanging on after suffering a massive stroke and now cerebral hemorrhaging. He is now on a respirator and is “critical but stable” - whatever the hell that means.

Well, I guess Google’s not making PCs after all. They finally spoke out about the rumors, putting to rest a great deal of speculation. Frankly, I think they should put out a PC, running a custom version of Linux, sporting OpenOffice, and Firefox as the default browser. It would be so nice to see a departure from Windows… even though I’m currently posting this from a Windows machine.

Know when and where you can legally take photos.

Holy jumping cat.

Today’s top story is.. no, not the miners that everyone thought were alive, only to find out all but one died… it’s Lindsay Lohan, who suffered from an asthma attack! Oh my god you poor thing!!!!! Seriously though, this was front page news on a number of sites I hit today. What’s next? Paris Hilton’s two-day hangnail catastrophe? Tom Cruise slips on the stairs but thankfully catches himself? I’m sorry Lindsay baby, I don’t mean to denigrate you like that.

More rumors surrounding the Google PC are circulating… and of course Google refuses to comment. They are supposed to be making an announcement on Friday, so I guess we’ll find out then. Considering that they have released a slew of products without nearly this much hysteria amongst the media, it is possible that this could be a major announcement. I have a new theory today about the OS they’re supposedly developing: it might be based on Linux. Ooooh.. wild stuff.

100 things we didn’t know this time last year - courtesy of the BBC. Some of these are quite interesting.

Here’s an article addressing the recent Chuck Norris mania that seems to have surfaced. I really think the author missed the point entirely.. if you even want to call it a point. The only reason those Chuck Norris “facts” were funny is because he’s not really a tough-lookin guy, and Walker Texas Ranger is a freakin’ joke. He’s one of those characters whose toughness was entirely constructed by terrible movies and television shows, and the fact that he’s even still acting is what’s funny. Anyway, the author of the article seems to think he’s enjoying some sort of resurgence in popularity, but the demographic of people who ‘grew up’ watching Walker simply doesn’t exist. And if it’s actually ME that is missing the point, then I truly feel sorry for all of you who like the guy. He’s way more funny to me than Gary Coleman or Herve Villechaize. With that out of the way, here’s a painting of Chuck Norris - and a comparison of toughness between him and Gandhi.

Since it’s flu season, here are some helpful tips to keep you from catching it!

Flash animations ahoy!

The Adventures of Super Retarded Dog. It’s a little long, but there’s a few funny parts.

Unf. Yes, it just keeps going.

Yellow Ledbetter - translated to the best of anyone’s knowledge!

Yatta???