Alright, changed my mind. Here’s some random crap.

In Texas, you might just find yourself being arrested for being drunk… IN A BAR. Cops are now arresting folks just for being officially drunk, in hopes of keeping them off the streets. Hey, fuckin’ whatever, Texas. You go ahead and do your thang.

Here’s some tips on finding impact craters using Google Earth. Because I know that since the release of Google Earth, everyone has quit their jobs and sat there day and night scanning rural Montana for Bigfoot - and that gets old.

A “micro-painter” in Japan has painted a picture of a panda on a single human hair. My god, I can’t even imagine the patience this would take.

I guess a large group of people got together and made 100 igloos, but all I know is the picture looks cool.

Rumsfeld: Iraqis Now Capable of Conducting War Without US Assistance. Whew! That’s good news.

Will hard drives be replaced by flash drives? Yeah, probably. Samsung has announced a 32 GB flash drive, which uses less electricity and works faster than conventional hard drives. I’m sure these will be implemented in laptops very soon.

A British teacher who was recently fired is suing her former employee, mostly due to a noisy chair. The chair in question allegedly produced realistic farting noises whenever she sat down, which led to much ridicule, as well as uncomfortable moments during parent-teacher conferences. Look lady, if any chair was giving me that much fucking distress, I think the rest of the staff would understand if I took matters into my own hands. I.e. - go steal someone else’s, or go buy one! Were you waiting for someone to hold your hand while you did so?! Something tells me this lady just had a serious problem with chronic flatulence, and routinely blaming it on inanimate objects.

A Star Wars TV series?! Who knew? It appears there are plans to produce a 100-episode series spanning the 20 years of Luke Skywalker’s life that we were not exposed to in the movies. I just hope they don’t feature that damn hovering creature that enslaved his mom… that thing was obnoxious. I just wanna see footage of back when Jabba was a total junkie, and Lando wore a space afro.

An Illustrated History of Scientology. Not exactly promoting the religion…

Another Sasquatch video? The guy sure has been slipping up lately. How hard is it to stay away from the highways? At first it looks like a bear, but there’s some strange shit going on there. Perhaps the bear escaped from a genetic lab where he was bred with humans.

I was trying to play a clip from that Inventor show, but the damn thing never loaded all the way. It looked pretty embarassing - and the guy was promoting “The Bladder Buddy” - which from what I saw, looked like a cape. (???) (Found it!)

Layteez and yentilmen, I don’t have much today.

Firstly, BWIII was kind enough to upload the video footage of the last seconds of Miranda’s Moon. It’s now on Google Video. Dig it!

We now have a national debt limit of $8.965 trillion - up $781 billion from the last increase. I can remember being in middle school and talking about the trillion dollar debt, and how we’d never get out of it. That was a mere 13 or 14 years ago, so I’d say we’ll be crossing the $10 trillion mark pretty soon.

A 20 year study has shown that whiny, insecure children grow up to be conservatives - while resilient, self-reliant children wind up being liberals. I’m not sure how conclusive this study is, but if you think about how resistant to new ideas and change the neoconservatives have been, it seems to make sense.

The fuzz finally got ahold of one of them dag-gone Duke boys! Specifically, Luke got busted for a DUI. Really.

Tom Cruise and his ever-present high horse are attempting to stop South Park from airing their new episode about Scientology. You know, the one that made Chef quit. What’s great about this story is Matt & Trey’s press release in response to the matter: “So, Scientology, you have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for Earth has just begun,”… “Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!” Fantastic.

Bush’s speech on the 3rd anniversary of the Iraq war’s inception was optimistic beyond belief. So optimistic, in fact, that he did not mention the word “war” even once. His approval rating is at an all-time low, and things could not be much worse in Iraq. How long will Bush continue to tell people that everything is going fine? In case you forgot how unprepared our government was - this page features a nice archive of quotes that illustrate that point quite well. Like, take this Rumsfeld quote from November 2002: “Five days or five weeks or five months, but it certainly isn’t going to last any longer than that.” FIVE MONTHS, people! That’s all they were prepared for! Cheney was even more optimistic: “weeks rather than months.” What a bunch of delusional fools! The sad thing is, some of the poorest and most un-educated among us knew damn well this would happen, and yet here we are. Disgusting.

Riverbend talks about the 3rd anniversary, and how things certainly haven’t been getting better - especially in recent days.

Here’s yet another analysis on the ever-present term “war on terror”. Long-time r3tr0 readers probably remember me embracing David Cross’ assertion that “a war on terror is like a war on jealousy”. So this article may be a much-delayed echo of that sentiment, but nevertheless, I’ve always found that a very sensible argument against this war campaign.

Collection of spaceship images from Sci-Fi movies and shows. Sweet.

If Billy West (the voice of Fry on Futurama) is to be believed - we are in for at least 26 new episodes! Radical!

NASA plans to send a man to the dark side of the moon - but not until around 2018. Once again, the future of space travel and development has succeeded in depressing me with its slow-moving progress. What’s a guy got to do in order to travel the universe within his lifetime? If I had a time machine, I’d go back and stop the Iraq war, then divert all the funds to hyperspeed research.

The AntPharm back up. Sorry I missed your show R3tr0, I got tied up making corned beef for 11 hours. Hope all is well.

Well, Miranda’s Moon is no more. The farewell show was a fantastic time, and we couldn’t have asked for a more relaxed setting. The Sachsenheim was lit up by smiling faces, friends and family. I’m pretty sure I’ve never had so much fun on stage, either. Fans came from all around - we had Boghoggler from Virginny, K&E from Pittsburg, and a massive Toledo contingency… not to mention, Noble Pheasant Farms was represented, selling out of their legendary goat milk fudge. We also managed to release our final album Weirdo, which we thought was an uttainable goal just a week ago.

If you’d like to see the very last moments of Miranda’s Moon, I’ve posted a quicktime video over on mirandasmoon.com. Check it out!

Hopefully there will be more footage to come. Keep an eye on the Moon website for more pictures and whatnot.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!

don’t forget…

Hope to see you there!!!

Oh Saddam, when will you ever learn? The judge was forced to close the trial to the public, as Saddam continued his prepared political speech. He was angered by the recent surge in Iraqi-on-Iraqi violence, and as always, demanded that he is still the head of state. Man, you really have to give the judge credit for putting up with this for so long.

Here’s an original storyboard for a Ren & Stimpy cartoon. Fascinating stuff!

If you saw SNL’s Lazy Sunday, then you know about Magnolia Bakery and their cupcakes. So, you want one? Better get in line.

This is kind of a weird idea - construct yourself a little battery powered LED that sticks to magnetic surfaces.

Christ, blogger is being a piece of crap today. I’ve been periodically checking to see if it logged me in yet for about the past hour.

Another cow, this time in Alabama, has tested positive for Mad Cow disease. The news has forced hundreds of thousands of people to ask themselves “is the fact that I’ve been walking in a circle for two days a result of beef consumption?” followed by a gurgling noise, and unintelligible stammering. The answer is YES - you all have Mad Cow. It’s too late. Plus, Bird Flu is on its way, so if we start feeding cows infected birds… well, you’ve got yourself some Mad Bird Flu, baby.

Isaac Hayes is leaving South Park - all because they dissed Scientology. Sure, he can claim that they crossed the line, but certainly they had already gone WAY over the line with regard to Christianity. However, Matt Stone claims that Hayes was offended only when they began criticizing Scientology. Which is easily the most absurd of religions.. I mean, come on now.

A woman in Oslo was stunned when she switched on her faucet and beer poured out! Although this sounds like the single greatest plumbing mistake one could ever hope for, the beer was flat. Son of a bitch.

What’s this? Google Calendar? Of all the new products they’ve been rolling out, this one I’m actually somewhat apt to use.

I told BWIII I’d post this - it’s a video of the soon-to-be-released video game Spore. Everyone is excited about this game, and if you sit through the video, you probably will be too!

This guy has the world’s largest collection of unopened cigarette packs. I haven’t heard of 99.9% of these.

Squishy skull full of fake worms and blood. Mmmmm.

Now you too can have your face profile turned into a lathed spindle - so you’ll be able to see that Escher effect. Weird idea.

I’m not sure this is the most conclusive footage, but it appears as though this little girl is honest-to-god afraid of her shadow! Hey, move to Ohio and you’ll only see it a couple times a year.