Bush: putting pressure on car manufacturers - vindicating big oil. Look, pal, whether we’re driving the mighty Hummer, achieving (as McBain on the Simpsons put it) “1 Highway, 0 City” - or my ‘73 CB350, getting about 65mpg; our fuel efficiency is not the issue here. Likewise, having you in charge of fuel efficiency standards couldn’t have a positive impact until many years have passed. On the Daily Show yesterday, John Stewart made a very good point: sure, demand for oil is up, but why are they showing record profits? Of course, that’s rhetorical. I’m especially aware of this, having paid $3.00 just to mow my fucking lawn yesterday.

Iran doesn’t “give a damn” about UN resolutions. Aw, come on guys… shake hands and make friends.

Cleveland’s got some nasty-ass air. So says a recent study carried out by the American Lung Association. The article goes on to recommend not exercising on ozone alert days. So remember, everyone drive to your destination on ozone alert days. That way we’ll compound the problem! Oh, wait…

A stuntman tried to base jump from the Empire State building, but police managed to handcuff him to a rail. You know, just this once you guys could’ve looked the other way. He bothered to make an elaborate disguise just to get his equipment in, he’s done this in Malaysia and Norway, and what did you get out of it? A scuffle, maybe a bruised knee… pretty much jack shit. Ah well.

Google just keeps releasing cool stuff! Today they’re offering a free download of SketchUp, a 3D modeling tool. I’m about to try this thang out. It looks pretty cool though.

With Adult Swim Fix, you pretty much don’t need a TV anymore.

However, Adult Swim is not all good. For nostalgia’s sake, they’ve been running old Saved by the Bell episodes - apparently to impressively-sized audiences. All the attention prompted the unthinkable: new episodes of Saved by the Bell, the new class. Oh God.

Chicago bans foie gras - citizens ask “what the fuck”?

Here’s a sketch of those proposed standing airline “seats”. Hey, armrests!

I know you remember (and love) the board game Mouse Trap, because it was just too fun to watch that ball move through all the different contraptions. Well, now a life-size version has been created! Here’s the Laughing Squid article, and a direct link to the Flickr photoset. Incredible!

Some good deals from Amazon’s Friday Sale:
$14.97 High Sierra backpack with hydration system
$11.99 Conair personal trimming system (shave your name into your beard!)

Oh, Internet. What next?

Some guy’s girlfriend said she’d have a threesome with him and another woman if he managed to get 2,000,000 hits on his website. Well, he’s over 700,000 already, so I’d say he has a fighting chance!

Click here to help him out (and see a picture of his girlfriend). He still hasn’t found the girl to join in, and I think that might be harder than getting 2 million hits.

Got $10,000 you wanna blow? Might as well use it on this huge G.I. Joe collection! My god, that’s outrageous.

Bush orders probe into gas price cheating. Sure, by no means is he solely to blame, but wouldn’t it be funny if the probe determined it was his fault? This is a lot like the 9/11 “investigation”, though. Or like O.J. trying to track down Nicole’s killer. You watch - he’ll wind up blaming Hugo Chavez.

More military commanders are criticizing Rumsfeld, despite his claims that “this too will pass”. Not only are they saying he is arrogant and inept, they are saying you can trace the abuses at Abu Ghraib right back to him. So why doesn’t any of this appear to be having an impact? It could be because he’s “protected by a hand-picked ring of high-ranking yes men”. Also, as is stated later on in the article, when he makes a decision, “unless it’s illegal or immoral, we go on about doing what we’ve been told to do.” I see.

Mick Jagger has a very nice hotel suite booked in Vienna, Austria - and he’s not giving it up to Bush, either. Apparently, Bush’s staff tried to get the room back from the Strolling Bones’ frontman, but he wasn’t having any of it. You go, Mick.

Just when you thought your coach-class seat couldn’t get any smaller, some airlines are thinking about adding standing-only “seats” to their flights. Apparently, you really only need to be secured to meet FAA guidelines, so they would have a place you could strap in and fly on a crowded flight. You know, as sadistic as this seems, if I could fly somewhere for less than $100, I would gladly stand for the whole flight! (However, my unbridled optimism is wholly unwarranted. You know damn well they’d wind up charging you full price.)

Posters from the Chinese space program. Hot damn! Space sure looks fun!

Here’s an interesting article about riding your motorcycle drunk. A group of highly experienced riders get themselves hammered and go for a jaunt around a course. The results, not surprisingly, were scary.

Hockey is well known as a haven for mullets. It’s no surprise that someone created a list of the top ten finest examples, eh?

I just barely stifled my puke upon seeing this.

Check out Rob Cockerham’s visit to Maker Faire. Looks like a lot of fun!

Boy oh boy, did I get hammered on Saturday. AleFest was in town, and I have to contest that I got my money’s worth. There were about 40 tables, each of which featured 2 breweries’ select beers. I think the one brew that sealed my fate was a JW Lees cask-aged barley wine. They had 3 varieties based on the casks they were aged in: sherry, port, and whiskey. I opted for the sherry, and subsequently rendered myself unable to stay awake after the group I was with went out to dinner. It was truly death-defying ale. In any case, I managed to recover after about 10 hours, and went on to play in the opening SmittyTour event on Sunday.

Rain outside Vinny’s.

After winning the World Championship in Off Road Arena, I was treated to this rather redundant message. I like the unpunctuated “You’re the best”.

Bush warns that a “tough summer” of high gas prices awaits us all. Here’s the quote-of-the-day, though: “The American people have got to understand what happens elsewhere in the world affects the price of gasoline you pay here,” … Holy shit! Thank god we have someone smart handling these complex issues, because I’ll never be able to wrap my head around such concepts.

Here’s a series of rather depressing photos covering the effects of the Chernobyl disaster, 20 years later.

Pennies now cost more to make than they’re worth! Right now, it costs 1.4 cents to make a single penny, largely due to the price of zinc. Some have suggested we switch to steel pennies, which I think is a pretty good idea. Not many vending machines accept pennies, so that’s not a concern.

Take a trip inside Microsoft’s Mac Lab. Weird. Also, GIVE ME A DAMN G5! Sheesh!

Everyone’s favorite vaguely-remembered TV star from their childhood, Barnaby, has passed on. Here’s his bio from ClevelandSeniors.com, which has a few pictures. I can’t remember a thing from his show, but I know I watched it at least a few times. Oh, and his real name was Linn Sheldon.

PimpMySnack.com is a place for sick bastards who make giant versions of their favorite candy products. There’s also a hamburger and some noodle product tossed in there for some reason. The mega twix, giant kit-kat, and super cadbury creme egg are not to be missed.

Hypothetical stamps.

Here’s a weird picture of two body scans, one of a 250 lb. woman, and one of a 120 lb. woman. Check out the crazy ankles on the large lady.

I can’t watch this with the volume on at work, but I’m pretty damn sure EVERYONE needs to see this.

The Spirit of Truth - by Victah

INCREDIBLE! Nearly 20% of CNN.com’s visitors today are profoundly retarded! Has Down Syndrome become an epidemic?

Karl Rove and Scott McLellan have been downsized. After GW began noticing that dozens of his favorite frozen burritos were being stolen each day, he recognized it was no longer beneficial to remain a softie on the matter. Actually, the Rove component could be realted to his involvement with the CIA leak. Who the hell knows. As for McLellan… wouldn’t you get tired of lying to the whole world on a daily basis?

It’s time for a new political party. How about The Purple Party? My first thought: come up with a better name.

A group of Norwegians are going to re-create the famous Kon-Tiki voyage. Damn. That’s pretty ballsy!

Now science fact: at the sight of a pretty woman, men lose their decision-making skills. Not only that, but men with higher testosterone levels are affected even more. It seems a little archaic to be measuring the testosterone levels by finger length. Isn’t there a more accurate means of gathering that data? In any case, my fingers’ proportions indicate that, upon seeing a pretty woman, my brain all but shuts down - which certainly explains my nearly extinct love life.

In fact, I bet my carnal attraction to this webpage of large-scale shredding machines could also be attributed to my testosterone level. Slashbuster makes some brutal machines, some for shredding whole trees, and some for shredding automobiles. It’s fun to watch these videos, but if these machines are being used to clear-cut forests to make Wal-Marts, then they are no longer cool.

A 76-year-old Florida man posed as a doctor and went door to door, giving free breast exams. When one of the women who fell for the charade put a stop to the exam (after it migrated into her pants), police caught up with him and he was arrested. Damn, he is one ugly bulldog, too.

Here are some Buddhist monks doing sand art. Amazing stuff.

This is the last time “The Carlton” was seen on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Look away… I’m getting all misty-eyed.

Some guy plows his car into a convenience store on video (and it looks like he nails someone walking in as well).

Cheap knife sets!