Laura Bush doesn’t believe the bad poll results. Her reasoning? “As I travel around the United States, I see a lot of appreciation for him. A lot of people come up to me and say, ‘Stay the course’.” Lady, do you really think someone who loathes your husband is going to want to talk to you? When was the last time you shook hands with Al Sharpton and said “great job”? If you really want someone to drive the point home, the next time I see you, I’ll arrange a posse to spit in your face, and then hand you the most recent poll results. Honestly though, GW must take the same approach when it comes to polls.

An Amazon “stonehenge” has been discovered near French Guiana. There’s only one photo with the article… but you have to wonder how they missed it all these years! Looks pretty tremendous.

Is Karl Rove being indicted on charges of perjury and lying to investigators? According to Truthout.org, he has 24 hours to get his “affairs in order”… whatever the hell that means. Why is it that when politicians are charged with crimes they can take their sweet time getting everything ready? It’s like they’re given a chance to reverse the damage of their crimes, destroy evidence, or whatever.

Scientists have made light travel backwards. I really can’t wrap my head around this, but hey, it’s still interesting.

A man created a car that gets 8,000 miles to the gallon. Unfortunately, it looks about as safe to drive in traffic as a PowerWheels Barbie Jeep.

John Bonham, playin’ Moby Dick. You know you want to watch.

Some very impressive cakes. I don’t even like cake, but these are cool anyway.

SEIZURE TIME!!!!

I’m not sure if it’s the anger over recent revelations about the NSA spying program, or maybe just B.O., but Bush’s approval rating has finally broke through the 30% mark. Congratulations, jerk, for reaching 29%.

Or hey, maybe it was that the CIA’s secret prisons are just now being fully exposed? Nah, no one pays attention to that stuff. You know, human rights, the Geneva Convention, international law… just a bunch of unimportant stuff.

Wait, perhaps it was that Bush is estimated to have disobeyed more than 750 individual laws during his tenure? Eh, doubt it.

Well, why don’t we all watch this strange video and relax. By the time the “stunt” actually takes place, I had come up with 4 or 5 different ideas of what they were attempting to do. None of them were accurate, and I still don’t have the foggiest idea what they thought they’d accomplish. Nevertheless, I was laughing at the absurdity of it all.

Rob Cockerham once again tries to make fiber optics at home. The material this time? Rice noodles. The result? Utter failure.

So, the NSA has a database comprised even of domestic telephone calls. It supposedly only amasses information about the calls, and does not record the calls themselves - but it sure as hell seems illegal to me! At&t, Verizon, and Bell South all willingly contributed their records to the scandal. How exactly this will help detect “terrorist activity” is far beyond me. “Hey Jim, come over here. It looks like Ahmad has been calling his local pizza shop a little too frequently. Better send a helicopter over there to check it out.”

According to Bush, his brother is White House material. Unfortunately, even common rodents are smart enough to know that Bush himself is not White House material. That kind of negates the whole recommendation, eh? Come on though. I know a lot of us progressive thinkers said we were bailing out of this country if Bush was re-elected, but how many of you are with me if our president’s name is fucking Jeb? I’m GONE.

A serious conservative calls for an alliance between liberals and conservatives, in order to get away from the tragically disasterous Bush administration. It’s good to know that people all across the political spectrum are aware of what a failure he’s been.

If you’re really curious, here’s the letter sent by Ahmadi-Najad (that’s how he spells it) to Bush. It’s apparent that he comes from a much less secular country than ours, given the amount that he focuses on religion and the obligation to serve God. However, I think that’s the point he’s trying to drive home - that Bush has associated himself so closely with religious conservatives, supposedly priding himself on morality, and yet his actions internationally seem to align him against religious principles - on the side of the oppressors, rather than fighting for the oppressed. How could you disagree? The man asks a lot of valid questions that I think many Americans would like to have answered as well.

“The Decider” caught recycling introductions. Oh, oh.. that’s so rich.

Seems like a load of shit to me, but this guy says shaving cream isn’t necessary - it’s a racket. Maybe so, but don’t tell me aftershave isn’t necessary. Razor bumps across the world prove otherwise.

Dude, whatever happened to the 70’s, when everyone was planning how to live in space? I mean, maybe if we thought about it more, we’d be a little closer to building some kind of wicked space colony! I guess when your defense budget is larger than all other countries combined, you tend to forget about cool shit like this.

A polar bear / grizzly mix was found in the Northwest Territories. Sweet! Maybe we can have pandas in Pennsylvania! Screw the rules!

A gang of German anarchists steal from the rich and give to the poor. You already know I think this is kick-ass, so I’ll just shut my mouth, and you can read the article.

Here’s a ton of strange guitars.

This could be the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard of. A genuine mirage, including buildings, cars, and people (?!), was visible to thousands of people in China recently. I could not be more perplexed. Take a look at the pictures.

Here’s my Witty Comic. Great find ‘Tro, very interesting possibilites.
BTW you and Cheadle on your banner are so cute together.

Bush’s most proud moment as President: catching a 7.5 lb. largemouth bass. Hey, we all know largemouth bass put up a great fight, and can be a lot of fun to catch. Still, I would’ve thought he was most proud when his orchestration of 9/11 came together! I mean, that’s no easy feat! (The article does say it seemed like he was joking, but he never offered another option.)

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is writing Bush a letter, purportedly to lessen his concern about the use of nuclear weapons. Unfortunately, upon opening it, the letter was comprised of just one sentence: “Y’alls a buncha straight BITCHES!” Really now, that’s not very mature, Mahmoud.

Britain’s Ministry of Defense released a 400-page report revealing their data on UFOs. Sadly, they say there is no evidence that they’ve ever visited, and that all of the reported sightings could be explained by natural phenomena. Of course this won’t satisfy anyone who’s convinced themselves of the existence of UFOs, but hey.

The median age of FOX News and CNN viewers? Over 60. Despite their attempts to attract the coveted younger demographics with “pop” stories, they’re really just retaining older viewers. Guys, I should be selling this helpful information to you, but let me lay it out for you free of charge: you’re a bunch of ass-kissing, self-serving, unrealistic, sensationalist jackoffs - and no one wants to hear your “play-by-the-rules” take on the daily happenings. With all the scandalous shit going on over the past decade, you managed to assist our corrupted leadership rather than expose it. When you get back to reporting news - not speculating, rumoring, gossiping, and kissing the asses of undeserving politicians - then perhaps we’ll tune in again. (Of course… that’s just my take on it.)

This just in: All you need to derail a train is a car tire. You’ve gotta be kidding! ONE TIRE?! I’m never riding on a train again.

The Oozinator by Hasbro. I…uh…hmm. How exactly did the brainiacs at Hasbro not recognize that this thing appears to be shooting jizz all over kids? Nevermind that the ad itself doesn’t show the source of said jizz, leaving to your imagination just what creature is firing its baby juice onto your children. Perhaps this was designed to subtly tie homosexuality with the military, leading to greater acceptance of gays in the armed services? Nah. It’s just a horrible product.

Speaking of horrible products - how about the new video game Super Columbine Massacre? Not only is the concept itself offensive, but the game appears to suck big time. What’d you do, somehow mod River City Ransom to suit your needs?

New hobby: Power Tool Drag Racing. Too bad I have the weakest drill imaginable. I could be on the farm team, though.

Some major geeks were debating which would win in a fight: the Death Star or the Enterprise. You’ve gotta be some kind of idiot to believe the Enterprise would stand a chance. Either that, or some kind of total Star Trek spaz. The Death Star destroys PLANETS! You fools! (Thankfully, the Death Star won out in votes: 1067 to 462. And 460 of those votes came from a man who goes everywhere dressed as a Klingon.)

The plan to tow pro-Xenu messages behind planes at Mission Impossible 3’s premiere fell through because of foggy weather. Instead, Xenu himself made an appearance.

Gas Tank Orchestra. This has to be cool. You tell me though - I haven’t the time.

I’ll just let the AllDumb headline speak for itself: Mammoth Package In The Park.

Rob Cockerham is waaaay off in his attempts to create fiber optics. This time, he tries spaghetti. I think you need a consultant, Rob! Although, I had my hopes up with the fishing line attempt.

Cinco de Mayo! Start chugging tequila right now or I’ll toss this chihuahua out the window!

Rumsfeld heckled; but of course he wasn’t rattled. Calling in to question pre-war intelligence, an audience member attempted to make him admit he’d lied to the American people. Look, the guy’s been ignoring reality for so long now that he’s probably unsure what solar system he’s in. I’m glad anyone is standing up to him, but I doubt he’s going anywhere.

Talk about committed to the lie: Cheney says he doesn’t regret anything about the Iraq invasion. Oh, so it’s all going according to plan then, eh? That five-month ’shock and awe’ campaign we heard about years ago worked? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED? Give me a motherfucking break. If anyone knows Cheney’s personal chef, can you have him put “feces sandwich” on the menu tonight? Thanks.

Poor little Bill Gates; doesn’t want to be the richest man alive. Man, you’re right, that must really suck. I tell you what, I can help ya get rid of a few hundred million if you’d like. How about $100 million for every r3tr0 reader? Or geez, what happened to supplying the entire third world with LifeStraws? Get back to work, chump.

Here’s a really cool video of the Huygens probe descending to the surface of Titan, Saturn’s moon. I swear, NASA shit is so over my head that it’s seems like magic. Look at all the calibrations and aligning going on… it’s just insane.

Hail Xenu, an anti-Scientologist group, plans to fly planes over the Mission Impossible 3 opening in Hollywood, trailing pro-Xenu messages. If elevated stress in normal people causes bursting capillaries, then I’m sure Mr. Cruise will bust a freakin’ artery when he sees them. One of them will say “The baby belongs to Xenu”. I don’t think our language has a word for how pissed he’s going to be.

Rather than “wash me” or something equally uninventive, someone drew one hell of a mural on the side of a dusty van. Seriously impressive.

Giants of history. A gallery of really, really tall people. Also, I’m convinced that ancient Egyptians were in contact with giant aliens.

Make your own badge! I’ve been trying for a while to get this to work right, but it always places the seal off-center. If I can make one, I’ll post it on here later. Oh, and you can really buy these things. Maybe some dude can convince a chick that he’s a genuine, certified pussy inspector.

Edit: here we go. (Make sure you click See My Badge when making one)