Yo there folks… me and Master McDemia are currently enjoying free Wi-Fi in Pierre, South Dakota. Here’s where we’re at: Pier 347

The forecast is looking pretty sunny ’round these parts, if not just a little on the hot side. Last night we found a campground somewhere along route 34, about 50 miles outside of Pierre. It was right on the Missouri River, which nicodemia accidentally referred to as a ‘lake’ after having seen it. Needless to say, it’s freakin’ wide as all get out.

So today we’re gonna try to head up into Montana, after briefly checking out the Black Hills. It’s gotten to the point that we’re no longer in any kind of hurry, because the scenery has become more and more fascinating. Western Minnesota and eastern South Dakota, on the other hand, were just giant farmlands with very little to see. In fact, not until we neared the campground did it get really interesting.

Echanos, do not worry, I’m taking as many pictures as I can. There’s practically nothing from our stops in Minneapolis or Chicago, but we’re just now getting into the really picturesque stuff anyway.

Well, time to get back on the road. Peace out.

Hello there, layteez and gentlemen! We have arrived in Minneapolis and are standing tall. It appears that northern Illinois and Wisconsin are bigger than anticipated, and as such, it took us quite some time to drive up from Chicago.

If I can manage to process some pictures, I’ll try and post some soon. We haven’t seen anything TOO amazing, but the Wisconsin countryside and subsequent sunset were pretty damn nice. I’m afraid we missed some decent scenery in Minnesota, however, which is why nicodemia and I raised a glass last night to no more night driving the rest of the trip. For one, we’ll have a tent to set up, but more importantly, we’d miss quality scenery.

More soon.

Just doing a little morning browsing…

Google has released Writely, an online word processor. Hopefully, as nicodemia suggested, they will now be able to track everything we write about… not just our search terms. According to ‘demia, the final result will be products that cater to our every desire, before we even realize we had such a desire. (I’m paraphrasing mind you)

I had an article about biking in San Francisco, but let’s face it, the only r3tr0 reader who might give a crap is on his bike right now.

Instead, I present to you ARMOR OF GOD Pajamas. You too can be protected by the power of God whilst you sleep. I bet there are many Christians throughout history that would be shocked to discover that one need only be shielded by a layer of shimmery nylon, rather than sheets of metal, to harness the protection of God. Think of all the lives that could’ve been saved!

Super Mario Bros. theme on an 11-string bass. Very, very impressive. And, come to think of it, the first time I’ve ever seen anyone demonstrate why such an absurd instrument is useful.

If anyone needs pots, pans, utensils, or… well, anything… let me know. I’ll happily exchange things for boxes at this point.

RyanAir tells the UK government that the new security restrictions are ridiculous, and threatens to sue. This is what I like to hear. Last week I was hearing stories that people with bottled water, cellphones, hair gel, vibrators, and toupees were being turned away from their flights. One guy even joked that “pretty soon we’ll have to fly naked,” but we all guessed that might not be far off. I wonder if this pisses off Big George. Wouldn’t he have to argue that the terrorists have “won”, since we’re drastically changing our lives out of fear? That used to be his tune, but I think his tune now is “Oh yeah, you really can’t fight a war against terror, so suck it up while we take away all your freedom in a desperate attempt to procure some sense of safety.”

That reminds me… I heard a term on NPR yesterday that had me beating my head against the steering wheel: “Safety Moms”. This is the new demographic that, surprisingly, may have converted some women to the side of the Democrats. How will the Republicans woo back the Safety Moms?! Will the Democrats instill enough of a sense of safety to hold on to these coveted ladies? Can the media stop trying to generalize our population with really inane catchphrases?! Will this paragraph end?!?!!

I now present to you two hilarious Japanese videos:
Silent Library
English Lesson

Three Mexican fisherman were lost at sea for a year, drifted about 5,500 miles west, and barely survived with the little food and water they had. Wow.

Today will probably be my last day at work, but I don’t need to go in until later on… so hey, why not throw some stuff up here?

My spacebar is making a squeaking noise.

Want your news summed up like a baseball game? Ze Frank’s recent show was exactly that. Check ‘er out.

Anti-Bush song. I won’t provide the title coz it’d give it away.

Some kind of mutant wolf/bear/dog type thing has been found dead in Maine. There were local legends surrounding this thing, and whaddya know… they were true.

NASA lost the original tapes of the moon landing. On BoingBoing, it says that the ones we’re all used to seeing are a camera pointed at the monitor in Houston - which was the only way to display live TV back then, I guess.

I waited to post this until I heard it was indeed real: Ahmadinejad’s blog.

The goons at SomethingAwful have been pouring over the accidentally-released search logs of AOL users, and have found some rather disturbing and/or amusing search terms. Have a look-see. WARNING: I can’t promise you will retain any faith in humanity after reading these.

A woman enraged by her husband’s threats to get a haircut called 911 repeatedly until she was arrested. She actually expected them to stop him. What’s sad is, the only picture we get to see is of her. For fuck’s sake, show us the haircut! It must’ve been a very proudly-worn mullet. And WHERE did this take place, my friends? That’s right, where everything else crazy happens… Florida.

70’s furnishings at their finest.

Celebrities Photoshopped to look like senior citizens. Damn… some of these are incredible!

Hey folks, how y’all doin’? The garage sale and some family events have kept me ultra-busy as of late, but this morning I did some surfing and turned up a few things you may want to see.

For anyone interested, the packing process is going quite well, although I need to secure more boxes. The garage sale pulled in a few hundred bucks, but we have half of a garage filled with unpurchased shite. I’m down to mostly the bare essentials… as I type this, my living room has only two chairs, the stereo, and stuff strewn about, waiting to be boxed up. I’m eagerly awaiting the next BikeBums update, as it still indicates they’re in Chicago. (Hope they stopped and said hi to Benny!) So, today I’m taking CDs, games, and records down to the old Exchange, and perhaps I can secure a little more money from that crap.

If you missed Ahmadi Nejad’s interview on 60 Minutes, as I did, here’s a rough transcript. Somewhat interesting, but I think Mike Wallace could have sat back and let him do a little more talking.

There are now more overweight people than hungry ones. At first, that may sound like good news, but it truly isn’t. I bet Bush would somehow tout the finding as a sign that “we’ve defeated world hunger” or some shit.

There’s something about fast food rage that’s so uniquely American. And astonishingly pathetic.

You know you hate holding a pose for a camera. I mean, it pretty much ruins whatever spontaneity you may have had going. Well, this site seeks to document nothing but long, akward poses by tricking the subject and running the camera’s video function instead. Ruthless. (Courtesy of Cynical-C)

Nudist Trampolining - a pretty sweet Flash game.

A cat who just will NOT stop flushing the toilet. Little bastard.

Hey, speaking of cats, the famous Shiva is going to make his way out to Noble Pheasant Farms this evening. I’ll probably miss him a little when he’s gone, but he’ll have a lot of fun out there.

Half of the US still believes Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. Come on, people!!!

Yes.com shows you what stations are playing what songs, in real time. On a map. Yeah, it’s pretty sweet.

Bikely.com will help you plot a bike route, and other bikers can leave comments and helpful tips to make your ride more enjoyable.

These guys had one hell of a weed-growing operation. See for yourself.

Oh, the 42-string guitar. Nothing like it around.

Vintage wallpapers, Manholes of Japan, and the fantastic Roadog (giant motorcycle).

I’ll have to see how much posting I can get done this week. Monday through Wednesday are my last 3 days of work.. and then r3tr0 may go on a short hiatus while I travel out to California. I’ve got a lot of packing to do, ya know. And cleaning. Just thought y’all might like to know!

Nicodemia and his bike bum buddy have now joined forces and are on their way to Clevelandia. I’m a little confused though, because it appears they have already passed Minneapolis - home of Humes - and don’t plan on nabbing him afterall. I assumed that would’ve proven to be an exercise in futility, so perhaps that wasn’t such a bad change of plans. Nevertheless, it looks like they’re making good progress together. The forecast out there is just about perfect: 72 and clear. Hopefully they can drag along that cool front and give us a taste! God damn it’s hot out!

Israel has seriously stepped up their attacks on Lebanon, and Hezbollah managed to get a few rockets deep inside their borders.

Castro ain’t dead. In fact, he “feels fine”. However, for no reason whatsoever, I shall continue to act as though he’s dead and it’s a grand conspiracy. Not only that, but his brother is in cahoots with Kim Jong Il, Ahmedinejad, and Hugo Chavez… and… they’re all planning to “attack” America by toppling Wal-Mart. Right now they’re meeting to figure out how.

A Portland fixed-gear bicyclist was found guilty after the judge deemed her brakeless bike illegal. Her rather astute attorney made some very good points, arguing that since she can skid to a stop, it met the legal definition of a “brake”. Still, it seems as though the judge had his mind made up from the start. For now, people are hoping she’ll appeal. She was fined and told she had to install a brake on her bike, but shit… do you really think that will work? I can imagine the Portland messenger community is probably skidding their tires raw on courthouse property right this minute.

This is pretty nuts… you can gain administrative rights (well, “root” for unix users) on a Windows XP machine, even if you’re just logged in as a guest. I hate to be a snotty Mac user, but … sheesh! It’s literally one command, and your system is comprimised. Nice goin’, Microsoft.

Oh Shit.

People at the county fair.

ExtremeHammock.com - another site that delivers exactly what you expect. Also, a completely hilarious idea.

Alright. This next thing I’m posting simply because, if I ever see anyone using it, I will not hesitate to punch them in the gut. I know, I know… that’s how Houdini died. Knowing that will not stop me. The site is called PopularityDialer.com, and what you do is input your phone number and a time, and it will call you, as well as provide you with a lame dialog to talk back to. So yes, it’s a fake friend that calls up at a time when you want to appear popular. You know, I could imagine this would be a good escape method for certain situations… so if you use it in that manner, it’s okay… no gut punch. Well, maybe one, just for good measure.

Nice train graffiti.

Castro has handed power over to his brother, Raul. Let’s face it, Raul is a lot cooler of a name than Fidel. As long as he keeps wearing those awesome hats, then we’re in better shape than before. I heard this morning that people in Miami are already celebrating, as though it is the end of an era. Some are saying he’s actually already dead, but that they haven’t made that public yet. Who knows.

Riverbend talks about the gruesome nature of the Israeli-Lebanon conflict, and how messed up it is that we’re just watching this happen.

Did Floyd Landis use dope afterall? The first test came back positive, saying that a small amount of testosterone in his system was not created by his body. What the fuck, Floyd?! I don’t want to believe it… but if test B comes back positive too… he’ll lose the title, and be banned for 2 years. Sheesh. I hope the tests are even reliable, with consequences that serious.

Ahh, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It’s been some time since I’ve even mentioned Him on here, but a fantastic Cynical-C discovery all but required me to revisit our creator. Flying Spaghetti Monster hate mail. SO damned funny!

I just noticed this little “request” from FirstEnergy - our main electricity provider here in Cle-town. They’re asking that we limit power usage between 3pm and 8pm. Yeaahhhh, that ought to be easy. I mean, the heat index is only like 110 F today… so we can easily handle that. (Hey everybody! Let’s all crank our A/C units at exactly 5:30pm EST and have another blackout!)

Ihumpedyourhummer.com is my kind of website. You know exactly what you’ll see when you get there.