George Bush: I wish I was a better speaker. Really? To put his quote in context, he was comparing his abilities (or lack thereof) to Tony Blair. Today Mr. Blair is stepping down as Prime Minister and Gordon Brown will take over the reigns.

So here is a rather vague summation of Brown’s positions, courtesy of CNN.

But enough of that, how about something that you really WANT to know about? Like, how to pour ketchup, without looking like a chump… or a chimp, for that matter. I’ve found the best method is to shatter the glass on the ground, and use a spoon to scoop up however much you need. That, or demand a squeeze bottle, and throw an outright tantrum if they refuse.

The Telegraph UK asked readers to compose a piece of prose crammed with as many infuriating phrases as possible. For example, some of my most-detested from my days as a corporate drone were “taking ownership” and “action item.” You can thank whatever deity you prefer for each one of these that you were never subjected to in real life!

Cynical-C posted a very interesting story about the self-mummified monks of Japan. Wild!

Never Ending Arnold.

Holy shit, it’s a dinosaur!

Chewbacca sings Silent Night.

A British airline pilot says he saw a mile-long UFO that passengers also noticed. Now they just need to bring it in for a landing so we can check it out.

On June 26, many Internet radio stations will go silent to protest the new policies surrounding royalties and copyright infringement. On July 15th, the legislation will take effect, which also requires stations to pay retroactive fees back to the beginning of 2006. You know what, though? Aside from the few big players in Internet radio, I would be pretty amazed if the collection agency managed to proactively document all the active stations and what they owe. If stations refuse to pay, who would even know?

The Simpsons Movie website. It comes out next month! Woohoo!

I can hardly believe it, but the baby on the cover of Nirvana’s Nevermind album is now 17.

Due to the recent story about the Pentagon’s idea for a gay bomb, the porn industry has decided that needs to be a movie.

Disgusting flavors, like celery Jell-o, for example.

Nik Ainley is a pretty awesome artist, if I do say so myself.

I wasn’t going to post this, but it just gets under my skin, dammit. Video simulates 9/11 attack. Yes, it sure does simulate it. But why bother wasting so much time on this dumb video when it was clearly a demolition job? I don’t care how poorly those things were built.

Mike Gravel has a second surreal campaign ad. (Both of them so far are on this page.)

I figured the bookstore proprietors would enjoy this: Sorted Books. Pretty cool.

Would you believe that there are “gold farmers” for games such as World of Warcraft? There are people in China that work a full shift collecting gold so others don’t have to waste their time. The whole thing is just depressing, I tell ya. People, need I remind you that a whole world exists around you, OUTSIDE of the computer. This is coming from a guy who is on the computer more often than he’d prefer, but nevertheless, often. Frankly, I think construction work in the hot sun sounds more appealing than harvesting the intangible in a virtual world.

The catchphrase for the 9/11 attacks has always been “never forget”… well, examine this video, and discover who’s already forgotten. That’s right… Americans. And I’m not talking about whatever intricacies you’d expect someone to forget, either… these are New Yorkers… certainly a group you’d expect to remember. A few literally didn’t even know it happened on September 11th.

Addressing Climate Crisis, Bush Calls For Development Of National Air Conditioner

Rocket Belts are available! Ok… I guess I don’t see where you can just buy one of these in a store, but it looks like that’s not far off. All we need now is some rocket fuel based on oil from fast foods, and we can start replacing our cars, and FINALLY live up to the expectations of 1950’s America! I don’t even know if my new commute would be long enough to suit my tastes, because that’s how awesome it would be.

Mandatory viewing ahoy: Surreal ad for a seafood buffet in Arkansas. You don’t really need to sit through the whole excruciating masterpiece to get the gist of it, but I can scarcely believe this … aww bloody hell, the link is now busted. Well, if it gets updated, the link above will still work. It’s on boingboing, so I imagine someone will resurrect it.

Not a list you want to be on: The world’s worst currencies. Venezuela, although relatively stable, is seeing a huge drop in currency value. Chavez hopes to right this problem by dropping three zeros from the value, and referring to it as the “strong bolivar” rather than just the bolivar. Keep those fingers crossed, pal.

What would happen if you raised a basketball hoop to 11 feet and invited players to give it a go? An exhibition game held in Seattle answered that question. Turns out it caused everyone to rely on fundamentals, rather than driving at the hoop with less emphasis on passing and team involvement. Maybe the Cavs should practice with an 11 foot hoop.

The New York Times has a great photo essay on people and their videogame counterparts. Some bear a resemblance, some are nothing alike.

We have all suspected it at some time: ink jet printers aren’t REALLY out of ink, they just pretend they are. And you know what? You were right. They’re lying bastards, and I say we LYNCH ‘EM! Get yer axes and torches out, boys.

Echanos, I am relying on you to pass this on to our brothers in step: ELEGANZA. Things happen when you wear … Eleganza! This just sounds like something they either know about, have made fun of before, or really need to know about. So yeah, pass it on.

The Midnight Rider is a semi truck limo - allegedly the world’s largest and most luxurious limo. Frankly, the interior looks like a well-tended Applebee’s. I spit on your warped sense of luxury.

Ahh… and speaking of warp… let’s talk sci-fi.

This past weekend I attempted to watch every Star Trek movie in order… not quite certain of which ones I’d seen before or not. Well, most of them are very forgettable, which explains that element. Episodes 3-6 are pretty awful, although every one has its moments. Sadly, the best one was The Wrath of Khan, and I am not hugely fond of it anyway. If there’s one thing I learned it is that Scotty was a badass, and Bones is pretty awesome too.

Here is a pretty amusing account of a man’s first viewing of the original Star Wars movie, 30 years after the release.

What does the ‘galaxy far, far away’ actually look like? Something like this.

And finally, here’s a lengthy analysis of temporal anomalies in cinema. Someone has way too much time on their hands.

Indisputable footage of Nessie has surfaced… turns out she’s a total showoff. I liked her a lot better when she hid modestly at the bottom of the Loch.

Would you believe that the same guy who took the famous photo in Vietnam of the naked girl running from her village also took the photo of Paris Hilton crying as she returns to jail? I’ll leave the interpretations up to you.

Photographer Michael Wolf snapped pictures of a Hong Kong public housing project where each room is 100 sq. feet. Very captivating photos, indeed.

Some of the largest people I’ve ever met drank Diet Coke. Without naming names, I am unafraid to admit this. One of them is a man I’m unlikely to ever see again, who weighed in at around 500 lbs. I’ve always found their choice of beverage amusing, but on a more serious note, it really is terrible for you. Not only is it going to fail at helping you shed weight, but as I posted just a few weeks ago, can change to benzene in your system, and contains other poisonous compounds. So, if you want cancer without all that sugar, drink up!

Presidential candidate Mike Gravel has made the strangest campaign ad I’ve ever seen. I think he was just going for pure zen. The truth is, I bet you find yourself thinking much more than when you’re being bombarded with inane quotes and figures like most campaign commercials. Or, perhaps you spent the entire time in total zen, hearing the ducks and sounds of nature. I don’t know what’s going on here, but it’s okay in my book.

What’s not okay is that we have a year and a half of campaigning to go. As Will Wheaton (of Star Trek fame) says in his blog: 586 more days of this bullshit? Really… who decided that the campaign would start already? I blame Hillary.

If you need to escape it all and ponder some things, especially in these pre-campaign times, perhaps you need to find a labyrinth to do so. Thankfully, with the world-wide labyrinth locator, that should be easy.

Who would have guessed Will Smith can totally rock a rubik’s cube in like 55 seconds?! I’m pretty sure you could give me 55 YEARS and I’d still be twisting that puppy. Nice!

You may be familiar with Eric Joyner’s book Robots and Donuts, but whether you are or aren’t, you should check out his artwork.

Oh god noooo!! Bob Barker says Rosie O’Donnell can replace him. Bob, shhhhh! Here, just breathe deeply from this damp rag… no, nothing’s funny about it… that’s it… sleep… breathe deeply. Okay, next step, erase everyone’s short term memory. Then we will never speak of this again.

Kids just can’t roam like they used to. This is an issue that really gets me, because even in my lifetime I’ve seen an obvious change in how far kids can roam and explore, and I think it’s tragic. I would also like to take this opportunity to blame our sensationalist media for rooting fear in parents nationwide. Congratulations, asswipes. I guess I can’t imagine my childhood without lengthy bike rides and hour after hour of unsupervised fun in the woods. It’s just sad, I tell ya.

Also sad is when someone nabs your bike. That could be why someone set this Brooklyn security camera footage to music.

Alright, whoever has the car alarm that’s chirping happily down the street can eat a bag of crap. And if it doesn’t stop soon, I will bring a warm bag down there myself.

Here’s a semi-amusing feature on This Old House’s website: Home inspection nightmares. The open fireplace is my favorite so far.

Need to find a mailbox? (And randomly happen to have your laptop with you, as well as internet access?) Well, search no longer! Mailbox map is here to help. At least it’s accurate… it even has the graffiti-laden one on the corner of my street.

Dog scared of cat on laptop.