Schwarzenegger says marijuana is not a drug, then his “handlers” try to say he didn’t mean it. Hey dickwads, let the guy speak for himself! When asked about GW, he said he was very fond of his father.

Guy flipping out in a coffee shop. Although a few people on Cynical-C think this is viral marketing, the footage was shot at Gypsy Beans on W.65th and Detroit in Cleveland! Having never gone in there, I didn’t recognize anything until they showed the cop drive away. After reviewing it, the cruiser is a Cleveland Police edition, and there’s an RTA that goes by as well. In any case, this guy REALLY loses it.

Biofuel is a crime against humanity? A UN expert says so, because it would divert crops grown for food into crops grown for fuel. Look buddy, it’s not like we’re all about to make the switch here. Even if we wanted to, it’d take decades to accomplish… so you can turn down your Panic-o-Matic to “minimal”.

Ralph Nader on Sesame Street. He even helps sing.

Those wildfires sure are dangerous… thank goodness FEMA showed up and held a fake news conference to answer all of… their burning questions? As if their ineptitude wasn’t evident enough after Katrina, FEMA pulled the ultimate stunt and had their own employees volley questions at a deputy administrator. Great job, morons!

Speaking of morons, I am still shaking my head ten minutes after reading this bombshell: Miami Dolphins’ linebacker Channing Crowder didn’t know people in London speak English. To put his foot further in his mouth, he proclaimed that he at least knew London Fletcher, a linebacker for the Redskins… but surely he wasn’t from London, because he’s black. I think this man needs to visit London in a big way.

Now I know why pot is illegal, or how I wore some 200-year-old clothes.

One brave man refuses to shave his beard until Metallica releases a new album. Sorry guy, but on the flipside I’m hoping they never release a new album. I’m inadvertently hoping you never shave that beard… and it might get pretty long. (Check in with Guinness… perhaps you’ll have a shot at ‘longest beard’.)

A man is now a registered sex offender in Scotland for trying to have sex with a bicycle. At first I thought that was an outlandish punishment, but the more I think about it… who’s to say this guy knows where to stick his ding-a-ling? Certainly not that innocent bicycle, after it was violated in ways no bike should have to endure. I think we should round up all the people who prefer inanimate objects for sex and put them in a room together just to see what happens.

Also just a wee bit creepy are these anatomically correct dolls for families. Yeah, so you can teach your kids how genitals work using bizarre, plush creatures with faces that look like they were drawn on with Sharpies. Oh, better make sure they’re prohibitively expensive, too.

Knights of Cydonia was posted on lickety jackblog, but I have to re-post it here. It’s a music video with a western/sci-fi/kung fu flare, made by the band Muse. Epic and rad.

Iconic photos of the 20th century, re-enacted by senior citizens. There’s not as many as I hoped, and the navigation on the site is a bit weird… still, a novel idea.

Merideth Dittmar makes some amazing clay sculptures. If I was loaded, I would buy the whole kitten caboodle. (I would also pay thousands to have the words ‘kitten caboodle’ permanently removed from my vocabulary.)

Rumsfeld is blowing out of France for fear of arrest on torture charges. Of course, none of his security detail or press agents would admit that. Boy, I really hope all of these guys spend the rest of their lives in prison.

Here’s what the 2004 elections would have looked like if only rich, middle class, or poor folks had voted. Interesting enough, California doesn’t change in this situation. Almost everywhere else besides New York and Texas wind up showing a switch. I guess what this tells us is that poor Texans are willing to elect their dumbest resident, simply because he talks like they do.

In and around Toronto, a couple of thieves used a big cardboard box and glass-cutting tools in over 200 break-ins. The article fails to mention how they were finally caught, but that was quite a winning streak they had going.

Daniel Dae Kim, or Jin on LOST, was picked up for drunk driving in Hawaii. He seems to feel pretty bad about it, unlike the Paris/Lindsay/Britney contingency… but I still say we throw the book at him. They’ve exhausted his character’s plot line, if you ask me. Plus, I just saw him on some HORRENDOUS sci-fi series the other day. I didn’t make it five minutes in before vomiting.

You must watch this video. It’s a music video, but with a ton of insanely bizarre animations in it. Also, it must be British, but the only celebrity I recognized (other than the Queen) was Jeremy Clarkson, of Top Gear fame.

Likewise, you must LOOK AT THIS DOG.

The best and worst logo re-makes of the century. I have to say, I don’t like the new KFC logo. I also don’t like the one they had before that. Here’s a picture I found of KFC’s logo history. #2 is the one they should have stuck with. It has authenticity, character, and just looking at it makes me hungry.

Just a little FYI here… on Sunday my car was stolen, and I noticed it was gone right before I left to go on a big bike ride. I had everything packed, but there was another car where I had parked. In any case, it only took the Oakland PD about 3 days to find it, and thankfully they hadn’t done much of anything to it. All that was missing was my floor jack, some CDs, and about half a tank of gas. It was found waaay out in east Oakland, not far from where the city-sponsored towing place takes your car. So anyway, I’ve got it back… the only downside is that you can now start the car with anything similar to the shape of a key. (And you can drive it with no keys in the ignition! Wheeee!) Oh, and I bought myself a CLUB to put on it. Nobody’s driving away in MY piece of shit car.

Well, I’ve heard that the California wildfires are starting to die down a little. Here is a map from CNN showing the areas in question, and an amazing satellite shot showing just how massive they are. It’s really incredible how far the smoke travels. In this panoramic picture you can get a sense of the size, too. Although they say we have similar conditions up here, I think we’re pretty safe down here near the bay.

Thanks to global warming, experts say Bangkok could be under water within this century. Considering that some of the first things to go would be the astonishing temples right on the Chao Phraya River, that really sucks.

Alright, this is about the trillionth time I’ve heard about the continent-sized plastic stew floating in the Pacific Ocean. However, there has never been photographic evidence along with any of these articles! The linked article features one shot of a few bottles sitting on the ocean floor, but if this thing is really the size of a continent, can someone get their ass out there and take some pictures?! I mean, this could be some award-winning photojournalism! Go go go!

Who knew that Val Kilmer has a rad treehouse? I hope he can come out to play, ’cause I heard he got grounded.

A giant new marketplace is going up in Jack London Square, here in Oakland. I know it won’t be as awesome as the West Side Market, but I’ll be happy to avoid the supermarkets any time I can.

Did you know that women in Europe and Canada have been using a birth control device called the Lady Comp for years? All it does is take your temperature and somehow forecasts whether or not you’re fertile that day. It apparently has about the same success rate as other methods, too. I think the most important thing for the author in particular is that it has no side effects. Oh, and get this, it’s not actually legal in the US. Now why the hell would that be?

Wild turkeys have returned to Massachusetts, and they’re everywhere. Also, after just making sure I spelled that right, I realized what a strange word Massachusetts really is. Where the hell did that come from?

The history of Windows startup sounds. God, every one of them is annoying. So is the Mac startup sound, which I have disabled.

Top 15 manipulated photos. Some good ones in there.

I’m going to post some more later, but for now, marvel at FOX News’ outrageous claims that al Qaeda is setting the California wildfires. Simply amazing. There are some suspicions that arson was involved in a few places, however.

Well, the Tribe is STILL one win away from going to the World Series, and tonight they play in Boston. Go Tribe.

Big shocker here: Bush planted fake news stories on American TV. At least this gives people something to directly reference in terms of his propaganda. Oh, and someone, probably not him, could conceivably get in trouble for allowing these pieces to be aired.

Your salary in real time. Unless you play a major league sport, or own a thriving corporation, this will probably be the most depressing thing you see in a long time.

Some researchers in the Netherlands say we’ll be having sex with and getting married to robots by 2050. Correction… YOU’LL be having sex with them, buddy. (Let me know when the Shay Laren model comes out.)

World Record Limbo. How low can he go? Outrageously low.

George Lucas is planning a Star Wars TV series. Boy, this will either be really cool, or suck really bad. Given the last 3 movie offerings, I’m going to assume the latter. Oh, and he says it doesn’t involve Luke, Darth, etc.

Chances are, you’re probably eating fake wasabi when you go out for sushi. I had heard this before, but I didn’t realize it should actually look like a pile of shavings and not a paste. The way the flavor is described makes me want to get my hands on the real stuff.

I’m not sure what to say about Stephen Colbert and his presidential run… so far it just seems like a joke, but I think the biggest disappointment for a lot of people is that Jon Stewart wasn’t the one running with Colbert as his vice president.

A scientist known for helping discover part of the DNA sequence says that black people are “less intelligent” according to his data. As you can imagine, his “findings” aren’t going over that well.

New low approval rating for Bush: 24%. But get this… Congress’ approval rating is 11%! Impressive.

The 5 smallest countries.

A 2nd Earth has been found, 20 light years away. Even though it’s 1.5 times the size of our planet and closer to its sun, that star burns about half as hot as our sun, so it would seem to be just right. Scientists also think it may have an atmosphere. Cool! Let’s go check it out.

A cheap way to whiten your teeth? Maybe… if you’re willing to try brushing your teeth with egg whites and a couple other items, let me know how it turns out.

Here’s a pretty cool video, in German, where a prank is played on an people in a bathroom. A duplicate bathroom is behind the large “mirror”, and a woman and her identical twin are on both sides, mirroring one another’s movements. When the people walk in, they see they have no reflection in the mirror! I’d be quite shocked if that happened to me.

Amazing cardboard sculptures.

Although the article touts this new technology as being a great help in catching a kidnapper, take a look at the picture and tell me this isn’t one step behind Minority Report. A scanning device that sits on the top of a police cruiser searches for stolen cars by license plate. So you’re telling me that in the next 5 years (or the next 6 months) that this thing couldn’t be modified to scan for ANY prior tickets or offenses? Pretty soon it will be like a buffet for issuing tickets to people.

Here’s an article complaining about the new trend of calling a timeout once the ball’s been kicked in football. You know, like how we got shafted by the Raiders this season.

Waterhobo is pretty damn awesome. A motion-sensing water gun that shoots people cutting across some uptight guy’s lawn. Regardless of whether this is warranted, it’s still fun to watch people get sprayed.

It’s also fun to watch Penn and Teller show you the “behind the scenes” of a trap door bit. First, you have to sit through the (semi-annoying) legitimate act.

The former drummer of the hit band Miranda’s Moon is very interested in shipping container housing, so this is for him. You can read it too, if you want.

This guinea pig is a serious ladies’ man.

REALLY messy desks.