Well everyone, I hope y’all had a nice holiday. Every day I spent back in Cleveland was pretty damn busy… a lot more busy than I realized before the trip, anyway. Nevertheless, it was a good time, and the weather wasn’t too cold either. I did catch me a nice cough while there, and amazingly I’m still holding onto it. The past couple days it has seemed to be getting better, but I can’t wait to be back to normal.

Unlike two Sundays ago, this time around I only find myself disappointed by the Colts! It was exciting to see Quinn sit in for DA momentarily, and we played a fairly good game to round out the season. Sadly, the Colts didn’t have it in them to defeat the Titans. Jerks! Oh well… I was getting tired of the low grade breakfasts at McGee’s anyway. Something about those eggs is just… off.

It appears that the CIA contracted the media to sell us the Iraq war. Why doesn’t this surprise me at all?

Death and Taxes: A Visual Guide to Where Your Federal Tax Dollars Go. It’s a poster you can buy, but it’s also a web page you can zoom in on. Pretty damn neat.

Whenever the failing War on Drugs is brought up, and decriminalization is brought up, what’s the first thing politicians always say? “Everyone would be taking drugs, all the time.” Not surprisingly, that’s a complete load of horse shit, if you take a look at the Netherlands for an example.

Oh - here’s a piece covering Kucinich on marijuana decriminalization, by the way.

Paris Hilton’s massive inheritance has been pledged to charity by her grandfather. Hahaha! Paris, you know the only reason I wanted to get with you was ’cause of your millions, and now you can’t even get with ME! … Just when you thought you were awesome.

Interesting closeups of eyes.

I was looking back at recent blog posts here and realized that I’ve been posting a lot of Star Wars crap. Must be the nerdy sites I hit every day… but anyway.. here’s some more. Darth Vader on acid.

Snorting a brain chemical could replace sleep. For those of you (Echanos, for one) that somehow enjoy sleeping, this probably sounds like the worst idea ever. However, I have always thought of sleep as just a time when I’m not doing anything, even if I want to be. I’m pretty sure if I could just stay awake for days on end, I would. Imagine the shit you could get done!

Probably because she totally sucks as a person, Hillary Clinton has stopped fielding questions after appearances. I don’t think we need another 4 or 8 years of a president that thinks they’re above questioning.

The Ultimate Online Archive of Unflattering Hillary Clinton Photos. Absolutely terrifying.

This time around, Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay! I wonder if they have White Castle down there.

Funny and outrageous news moments. I like the motorized camera and the weatherman’s burp.

Rubber Buddha.

How about a little nudity to finish things off? The top 10 female streakers. Sadly, the pictures are very small.

Well folks, tomorrow night I head back to the home of the Burning River, and I’m very much looking forward to it. Might wind up being pretty damn chilly for my California blood, but oh well. If the posts start a-laggin’, y’all know why. Have a happy holiday.

Bill Maher has a list of the biggest dickheads of the year. Pretty damn accurate, though I’m sure many of us have a few people we’d like to add on.

More voting machine hackery: news report on just how easy it is to change votes. So, every key is the same… all you need appears to be a PCMCIA memory card reader, as well as the proper software, and you’re on your way to another Republican president. I hope someone rigs it so that Al Sharpton wins… that might make up for the lack of security.

Lost Star Wars intro. Featuring Biggs, Luke’s alleged best friend. Seems like kind of a dick, if you ask me. That aside, I think it could have helped define the setting of the movie a bit more than they actually did.

12 different birds - one dish. God, I may enjoy some fine meats, but this just sounds disgusting. There’s something oddly awesome about the picture featuring all the poultry and stuffing, though. Guess I’ll never eat a mallard… looks like it got ran over by a dump truck!

Let’s round this out with a little car action.

Absurdly expensive car wax. Even IF you have a Bugatti Veyron, there’s no excuse for this crazy bullshit. To all the rich jerks forking over $6k for one part of a wax job… do you realize you could buy me a sweet, vintage Triumph for that kind of money? Or, you could be even more generous and buy a poor family some wheels. Give me a break.

TankOnEmpty.com attempts to answer the question “how far can I drive with the fuel warning light on?” Looks like my kind of Accord ranks up there pretty high. Actually, I just did a mileage test on it and discovered it got about 20mpg in constantly-brutal traffic. So, 280+ gallons for a tank. I think my Jetta used to do that on half a tank, but it was brand new, and that was on pure highway trips.

Since I was just talking about the 2004 election being rigged, I have no choice but to post this: The Ohio Secretary of State says the ‘04 election could have been rigged. When it’s gotten to this level of acknowledgment, can’t we just pull GW from office? Also, if it looks like they’re going to use those damned machines again this time around, I highly suggest absentee ballots for all.

With holiday binge season right around the corner, you have to wonder why hangovers suck so bad. Apparently there’s a lot scientists don’t know about the causes of hangovers, but drinking water, eating and trying not to consume too quickly will certainly help. The article warns against taking in more alcohol the next day, but I’ve had that work brilliantly before.

So you want to shit gold dust? No problem. That’ll be $425, please.

If you were close friends with George Lucas for the past 30 years, you would have received some pretty awesome holiday greeting cards.

The worst band names of 2007. I’d say my favorites from the list are: Tigers Can Bite You, Special Ed & The Shortbus, Fuckwolf and Best Fwends. Also, I’m pleased to report that Happy Mother’s Day I Can’t Read made their “LOOOONG” category.

Researchers say they’ve found a sort of “ferry” inside semen that assists in transmitting HIV. While the latter 95% of the article is pretty far over my head, it makes sense that they could inhibit the formation of these cells and possibly reduce the chance of transmission.

If you’ve got a proper computer (Mac) and you want to make a ringtone… no problem.

Even toys in Japan are much cooler: re-squashable pig. I could play with that thing all day.

Ships battling heavy seas is without question the ballsiest portion of my post today. Oh wait, I posted about semen just now. Well, then this is the most macho, burly part of my post. There… now enjoy.

Dudes and dudettes, how are ya? Me, I’m doing fine.

Well, the news all over the place today is the release of the Mitchell report, which names such stars as Roger Clemens for having taken steroids. Clemens was my favorite player back in the day, so I have to say I’m a bit disappointed, though not very surprised. A whole bunch more names are being named, or so I heard.

I can’t recall if I posted this before, but it’s good enough to post again: the programmer for electronic voting machines in 2000 says they were rigged. I’m pretty sure they were rigged the next time around, too.

Alex “Holy Shit Look How Tan I Am” Trebek has suffered a minor heart attack, and appears to have suffered several botox injections as well. (He’s 67?)

Paul Reubens is considering having Johnny Depp play Pee-Wee Herman in two upcoming movies. Why?! Paul, you gotta do it yourself. There is only one Pee-Wee.

A Connecticut teacher (who has apparently watched too many movies) barricaded herself in the classroom after hearing Welcome to the Jungle come over the PA. Three teenagers, one of whom was a custodian, were doing some unauthorized karaoke, and she assumed the “you’re in the jungle baby; you’re gonna die” to be a legitimate death threat. I’m sorry, but I find this hilarious.

Here’s a pretty short IQ test. I haven’t taken it yet, cause it said it takes 13 minutes, and dammit… I didn’t have 13 minutes!

Let’s get a little bit of holiday cheer going on up in here.
Cold Blooded Christmas by Jon Lajoie
You think you’ve seen cool xmas light displays before, but check out the Lindsay lights from Ontario
This is really just related to ice and snow: huge chunks of ice falling from tower

How America Lost the War on Drugs. Supposedly a really well-written article by Rolling Stone.

Although Democrats drift towards Kucinich, CBS has chosen to exclude him AND Ron Paul from their debates. Well CBS, how about I continue to exclude you from my television viewing?

California’s testing of voting machines has revealed major security flaws. I guess that’s putting it lightly.

Star Wars 30 years ago and today. Who would have believed that guy who played Grand Moff Tarkin was still alive? Is he really still alive?

After about a two-hour visit to the DMV, I am proud to report that my car is now officially a licensed resident of California. If you thought Ohio plates were boring, well, California’s current plates are about as lame as any I’ve ever seen. I think there’s some kind of law that will let you keep your old style plates, though. It seems that whatever plates your car was issued are the ones you keep, until they rust out, which in this state is never. So sometimes you’ll see a car for sale boasting the ancient black plates with gold writing. Pretty neat.

In looking back at the links I gathered this morning, I realize absolutely nothing is news-worthy. However, that’s all I’ve got. Enjoy.

Starting off with a little obesity; take a look at America’s most obese cities. Cincinnati made it, but no Cleveland. For the more visual folks: animation of the rise in obesity. I blame high fructose corn syrup and Applebee’s.

What better way to celebrate Hanukkah than with a…. ham? Yeah, um…

A company called Immersive Media makes panoramic videos, offering a 360-degree view while moving. It’s a strange thing to see… you move your mouse side to side to pan the video, and it just keeps running. Fun!

Just a guy looking for a jack off buddy. Nothing out of the ordinary.

You owe me a cat!

I think I’d have more to share today, except that my Internet connection seems to be routed through a 2400 baud modem somewhere along the line. It’s so slow, I can hardly believe I’m expected to pay.

The former President of Italy says 9/11 was an inside job. Orchestrated by the CIA and Mossad, this was apparently common knowledge among global intelligence agencies. It also says that from the 60’s to the 80’s, a rogue intelligence network carried out “false flag operations” that gave the appearance of terrorist attacks, and allowed blame to be placed far away from the truth. There was even evidence presented in 2000 that the US was overseeing some of these operations.

Kucinich slams Bush over Iran report. Nothing new here, really. Just Bush trying to go to war with Iran because, well, the research says they’re not a threat… but he just thinks they are.

A video from the striking Colbert Report writers: Sorry, Internet. It features the Fonz AND David Cross, who has apparently become a scab.

Sixty uses for table salt. Some of these are downright helpful! A couple don’t even fit the bill.

Those incredible Japanese are at it again… this time, they’re taking their wee vans and making them look like American conversion vans. Actually, I kinda like ‘em.

Alright people. Last week I had a mild bicycle accident, and the next day, the worst hangover I’ve had in about 5 years or so. Sure, that doesn’t excuse a week away from the blog, but it’s been a busy, hectic week, I can assure you of that.

I did manage to gather a fair amount of links, so how about I unload ‘em right now. I’m going to do them in batches for each day, so they’ll be somewhat chronological.

A homeless man in Fresno, Florida built himself an underground hideout that police stumbled upon recently. The images accompanying the article are really piss poor, but it doesn’t look like the guy was asking a whole lot to keep living there. Looks like a dusty, cramped hole to me.

The Mythbusters recently took on the age-old question are elephants afraid of mice? I saw this episode on Discovery.com when it came out, and was amazed by the result. I think you should check out the clip for yourself.

A visual periodic table of the elements. Neat!

Unlocking the benefits of garlic. One thing I was totally unaware of is that you should let garlic sit for about 15 minutes after chopping or crushing it, in order to maximize the healthy enzymes and whatnot. Hm.

Just how bad is America doing right now? According to this guy, really, really bad. I tend to agree. And this HR 1955 business is a bit frightening as well.

8 kick-ass movies you didn’t know were based on books. I had no idea that Rambo was based on a book, for instance. Die Hard and Who Framed Roger Rabbit are two more, though I would like to point out Roger Rabbit was by no means “kick-ass.”

Woman gives herself believable, yet huge boobs, and documents the results. Instead of an actual boob job, she gets a special effects expert to design a fake chest that fools lots of people. An interesting tale, I must say.

Jon Lajoie is a pretty damn funny guy. I found a link to his “Bastard Break Up” skit, but I think the hip hop song Everyday Normal Guy is the funniest thing he’s posted. “If you’ve got a bad back put your hands up!”

Somehow, Paul Wolfowitz is about to sneak his way back into our government. This is thanks in part to Condi, who I just read on the Cleveland Browns Wikipedia entry is an alleged fan. Hopefully our inexcusable loss yesterday shattered her faith in the Browns and she’ll never watch them again.

If you STILL require more reasons this country is doomed, then this figure should perk up your ears: our national debt grows by $1 million a minute. That’s right, most of us probably won’t earn in our lifetimes what we as a country owe every damn minute. Impressive.

The world’s largest bottle of wine. Why?!

Have you ever found yourself wondering just where in the universe those folks in Star Wars are? Well, perhaps this map of the Star Wars galaxy will help clarify things.

I thought Ken over at motosikosis would appreciate this: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance Driving Directions. Now you can follow the route they take in the book. Weee! (It bears a striking resemblance to the route I took when I moved out west.)

Finally, I leave you with some very nice hand-painted toilet seats. Enjoy.