Oh how the days zip by. I’ve been waking up later this past week, which is good for my system, but bad for the blog.

A few weeks back I caught some of a World Cup match featuring North Korea, and my friends and I were joking about how if they lost, they’d come back to find their house on fire or something. Well, I guess we weren’t far off.

If there was a World Cup for quality of life, the USA would definitely not be #1.

I have to admit, I’ve had more than my fair share of Vitaminwater since it came out. I know it’s just sugar water, but it’s tasty. Well, it may not have as much sugar as a soda, but Coca-Cola recently said “no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking Vitaminwater was a healthy beverage.” Oh? Well then, Coke, I think you should call it what my good buddy nicodemia once referred to it as: Melted Popsicle. Then we’ll see how well your sales go, when we’re no longer imagining it has something healthy to bring to the table.

This is pretty damn excellent: Jesus vs. Jeezus. (Jeezus being the American-born, confederate flag wavin’ saviour.)

You strong like Rambo.

This question should’ve been answered a long time ago, but thankfully there’s a video to settle the matter. Do tigers like catnip?

The Oregon Trail - Official Trailer.

I came across this with just these words: we’re fucked.

In case of nothing to do…

Some German designer guy made a driving video game (Wipeout) into a real life track that’s still controlled by an arcade machine. Cool.

Are you planning on going to hell, but you’re just not getting there fast enough? Well, take some pointers from this lady.

Holy shit, newslady!

Top 25 beers of 2009. I just had that Union Jack IPA and it is damn tasty. Although, it’s clear to me that the judges never tasted Pliny the Elder, courtesy of the Russian River Brewery. They’d have snagged a couple other categories as well.

Cover songs you may not have known were covers. There are a few you’ll know for sure, but this page has TONS of them. It also makes me feel old to realize that some people think the Fugees came up with Killing Me Softly. That shit is unacceptable.

Watch this guy make a vase. It’ll just take a minute. I’ve always believed that any jackass with a pottery wheel can just whip out gorgeous piece after gorgeous piece. It looks so fucking easy. I know someone who is skilled with a wheel, so I have to tell myself that it is far more difficult than it looks. However, until I have the privelage of attempting it myself, there will always be a tiny part of my brain that just says “Bullshit. I got this.”

Keith Comstock, pitcher, Las Vegas Stars.

So far I’ve only tried one song, but allegedly this otter can dance to anything you play.
Added 10 mins later… IT WORKS!

Been pretty busy the last few days… karaoke session, web work, birthday party… you know, the usual. And truly, there haven’t been any news stories worth posting on this here thing. However, there’s plenty of random crap that is 100% worthy.

Bill Murray interview.

If I were an architect.

This dude has thrown down the gauntlet for all other sidewalk promotional workers. I don’t think anyone else could ever pick it up. He is the king.

Lots of cars feature flames as part of a custom paint job… this truck proves just how not cool it’d be if those flames were real.

Fuck you terrorists.

Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough on acoustic guitar. Sickeningly good.

For fans of Star Wars.

For fans of The Wire.

For fans of Star Trek: TNG.

An Ohio woman stole $8k worth of Girl Scout Cookies. Judging by her picture, she probably ate them all too. Take a look; tell me that isn’t what a person surviving solely on cookies would look like.

While we’re on the topic of sweets: here are some really impressive Star Wars cupcakes. I would eat the fuckin’ force right outta them bastids.

Dogfish Head Brewing is at it again, this time recreating a 9,000 year-old Chinese beer recipe. It’s probably nasty, but I’m gonna see if I can’t get my hands on one anyway.

I didn’t even make it halfway through this yet, but perhaps someone with a higher tolerance for vile music could enjoy it: Film Classics on Vuvuzela. I’ll admit, I was laughing… it’s just… so… bad.

Jesus is with you always. And he’s a total asshole.

The Geek’s Solar System.

Good point.

The Periodic Table of Irrational Nonsense. Man, a lot of work went into this. It’s actually quite thorough.

I swear I saw this in the SkyMall catalog, but here it is in all its absurd glory: Just the Thing for a Cozy Night In. “Cozy” is one way of putting it.

Great Lakes Brewing Company is serving up a beer called ‘Quitness’, which is a dry-hopped bitter beer meant to accompany the departure of LeBron from the Cavs. If you want to get some, it appears you have to get there soon.

Excellent (and true) headline: Man posts bail with counterfit bills.
Here’s another method of getting yourself put right back in jail. (NSFW)

AwkwardStockPhotos.com - is what it seems.

This here is both terrifying and very intriguing: shove someone else’s poop up your butt = your digestion problems are over.

Jewel goes undercover at a karaoke bar with some pretty funny results. As a seasoned KJ, I can assure you that Uncle Ronnie would’ve caught that shit right away. (I’ve had Rick Astley and Seal both try the same thing but I turned ‘em away at the door.)

15 things you didn’t know about the Simpsons.
19 things you didn’t know about Star Wars.

Best image macro I’ve seen today.

Looks like it’s open crime season in Oakland… although, I’m not sure when crime season starts or ends, to be honest. Fortunately, I happen to own a very fierce attack cat. 8 lbs. of pure fury.

Speaking of badass animals, let this be a warning to you: hovershark is out there.

This headline is good enough on its own: Snoop Dogg Tries to Rent Liechtenstein.

Snaves should appreciate the hell out of this: The King of Farts.

A documentary about Star Wars obsession, entitled Jedi Junkies, is coming out pretty soon. Sounds excellent.

This is quite easily the most terrifying fashion show in the history of fashion shows. It’s like, mutants, but ones that had roles on Alien Nation and are now out of work, who also have developed strange hair growth due to radation exposure.

Gross: Walls of Fat Removed from London’s Sewers.

I know I posted at least a picture of a guy on a motorcycle doing something very similar, but this video is top-notch madness.

This is absolutely great: fat kid goes insane when his brother uses air horn to wake him up.

Looks like LeBron (pronounced Lee-Brawn) has officially left Cleveland for the Miami Heat. Whatevs, Lee. Cavs majority owner Dan Gilbert went on this (now famous) rant on the Cavs’ website. This was also discovered in a bar bathroom. Cleveland sports are cursed, people. Still, I’ll keep watching them Brownies.

Last evening, the verdict of the Johannes Mehserle trial came in, and he was found guilty of merely involuntary manslaughter in the Oscar Grant shooting. Clearly, this wasn’t going to sit well with the residents of Oakland. The early protests were very peaceful, and it looked like all was well. However, once the sun went down, looters and vandals sought revenge against the likes of Foot Locker, Sears and some random bank. Out of all the coverage I watched last night, the one message that stuck out was Oscar Grant’s grandfather explaining that, no matter if it was involuntary or not, Mehserle never even apologized to the family. As far as I’m concerned, that fact alone should have led to a higher sentancing.

Urkel smacks his baby mama.

Ange should really dig this: ultra-huge skateboard. I love the shot when just one person is riding it. So ridiculous.

Reno: 911 cast members watch the Reno: 911 XXX parody.

Aaaaaargh!

Before I get started this morning, I’d just like to mention that I have been listening to (more like enduring) my upstairs neighbor working on her piano parts for the ass-metal band she’s in. So you’ve got shredding guitars, a very fast drum beat, and then this sparse, tinkling piano, with almost no chords being played that involve more than one hand or three fingers. Twenty bucks says you can’t even hear her when they play live. Ugh.

So what’s keeping this war on terror from ending? Turns out we’re allegedly trying to round up between 50 and 100 ‘evildoers’, and if we could head into Pakistan (please, no) there’s maybe 300 more baddies. The article does a good job at pointing out that this is a colossal waste of time, money and unfortunately, human beings. Despite this, I have had little hope that anything would change under Obama, and so far that’s been the case. This ‘conflict’ has now gone on longer than the Vietnam War, just FYI.

Here’s a shocking conclusion: Teens more productive when school starts later. This is something that has pissed me off ever since, well, waking up at the ass crack of dawn to walk to school. For a while now we’ve known that adults need less sleep than kids. So why the hell are we waking them up so damn early for school? I could just be one of those adults that keeps my mouth shut, not caring because it no longer affects me, but it just doesn’t make any sense. Stop the madness.

This weekend is the English Grand Prix at Silverstone, which has undergone some small changes. With us are Lewis Hamilton and Jesnon Button to explain them (and play with the most wicked Scalextric track I’ve ever seen). Should be a good race… and I really hope the McLarens can stay flat out through turn 1, because I’m pretty sure those bastard Red Bulls will be able to.

New James Bond movie getting shitcanned? Looks like it. And for fuck’s sake, get to work on the Hobbit. I’m growing very impatient here.

Please refrain from teaching your dog this skill.

Terrifying, yet subtle.

As I’ve done many times before, I saved the best for last.

Looks like the TSA plans to block their staff from viewing a great deal of the Internets. This includes sites with “controversial opinions”… so I think you can kiss r3tr0 goodbye. If only that also meant they couldn’t go to FOX News. (Instead, I bet that is the only news outlet they will be allowed to view.)

The wait is over, but you’re going to look like a serious dipshit: Power laces, inspired by Back to the Future II.

I can’t seem to find the post where I came across this, but here is a pretty sweet video of some dudes showing off an Oakland dance style, in the rain, on the corner of 90th and MacArthur. (Note: it’s probably not a great idea to drive down there and see if you can find ‘em.) Nevertheless, it’s a cool video, and well-shot to boot.

Happy 4th of July!

Go and eat some delicious veggies that aren’t as nutritious as they once were. Great.

Make sure when you’re playing with fireworks that you don’t blow your arm fuckin’ clean off.

And above all, have a good time. We’re all pretty much doomed once the methane hydrate under BP’s oil spill erupts.